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#29090 - 02/27/04 10:33 AM why do people choose darkness?
markgreyblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 5400
Loc: Pasadena, CA
it seems that people want to dolminate - destroy uour spirit and make you feel bad -

why can't they see beyond that ?
the darkness that i have kept at bay (and extreme cynicism has always been buried )

why the fuck won't people see each other but only what they want to see -?

only enough to want to put that flame out - or at least keep it under their shoe -?

_________________________
"...do not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous



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#29091 - 02/27/04 01:59 PM Re: why do people choose darkness?
Brayton Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/21/03
Posts: 696
Loc: Minneapolis
Yesterday I was feeling something of the same thing though I suspect perhaps for different reasons.

I felt that I was put down, condemned for traits that are a core part of who I am and are unchangeable. Not beliefs or opinions about myself but the truth that I know because I am who I am and no one knows who I am better than I do.

I actually cried in therapy yesterday I was so deeply disturbed by this. I felt like I was being re-traumatized.

I woke this morning, however, with new resolve not to accept this anymore. I don't want to be a victim anymore and now, from this day forward, I refuse anything from anyone that echoes the messages I got from from perps many years ago.

_________________________
Sometimes, things just won't work the way we want them to.

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#29092 - 02/27/04 05:56 PM Re: why do people choose darkness?
markgreyblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 5400
Loc: Pasadena, CA
thanks brayton -

it's a lot of 'old rage' coming out that has my mood shifting a lot -----

slowly though i am gaining the ability to even it out and express it -

it will come back - the moods i mean - but increasingly it is starting to become a habit for me to know what to do when the mood happens -

as well it's gonna take a lot of counseling to get rid of the invasive memories -

-i feel them dissapating - though
there will always be moods

and so manage - manage.. it's tough
thanks again

_________________________
"...do not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous



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#29093 - 02/27/04 05:59 PM Re: why do people choose darkness?
Leosha Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 3614
Loc: Right here
There is that saying of how 'misery loves the company', right? Perhaps people chose to do that because they feel as crap about themselves. That is something fine, they can feel that way of themself, it does not affect me. If they chose to think that way of me, can I really stop them? The only person we have any control over is ourself, not anyone else, in what they do or think. I do recall a quote, by I think Elenor Rosevelt, which says 'No one can make you feel inferior without you to consent'. It seems to be appropriate here.

Leosha

_________________________
Avatar photo in memory of my younger brother Makar.

"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."~~~Martin Luther King Jr., 1963

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#29094 - 02/27/04 06:12 PM Re: why do people choose darkness?
crisispoint Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/24/03
Posts: 2154
Loc: Massachusetts
Ah, it's the same old chestnut, isn't it? Why do people choose to do, not just the wrong thing, but the evil thing?

Why do they try to hurt instead of heal?

Why do some who were abused become abusers when others become survivors?

Well, I can't make any broad, wonderful insight (if I could, I'd change the world with it, wouldn't I?), but I think it comes down to this: evil feels damn good!

Evil gives us a power usually handled by God. God destroys, God kills, God condemns. William Burroughs once said that only God can create life, but any idiot with a cast-iron frying pan in their hand can end it.

It's the thing, the power, the lording-over, they seek. It's what they want. And evil gives it to them.

Thing is, the power that evil gives is short-term, and not really what we want. Why should we want to kill, when giving life is that much more powerful?

Evil is easy.

I choose to do good, not because it's easy, but because it's the right thing to do. I could be a hurtful, vicious, vindictive son-of-a-bitch, and I imagine I'd get quite the charge out of it. But then I'd have to live with myself and the fact that what I did was wrong and hurtful would haunt me more than any cheapjack satisfaction I'd get from maliciousness.

I want to be remembered. But how? As a person who got his and screw everyone else, or by being the person who helped someone, who overcame what he needed to, who made a difference and did well doing so?

I want to be remembered as the one who healed with an open hand, not smashed with a closed fist.

And, in the end, I think most people feel the same way. Humans are born good. They NEED someone to teach them evil.

Anyway, I'm rambling. Just my two-bits.

Peace and love,

Scot

_________________________
There are reasons I'm taking medication. They're called "other people." - Me, displaying my anti-social tendancies

fromacuriousmind.blogspot.com
malehurtandsurvive.blogspot.com

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#29095 - 02/27/04 07:17 PM Re: why do people choose darkness?
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Scot
your "two bits" is like a lottery win ;\)

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#29096 - 02/27/04 08:42 PM Re: why do people choose darkness?
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Today I sas my Pdoc. It was not a very good session.

My anger has returned in spades. Not directed inwards and not at my perps or customers but against society for the see no evil therefore it does not exist mentality. Added to that is the contuing saga of society saying Why did you wait so long or You could have said no or It does not happen to men or Hey you must hadve enjoyed it and finally all you want is to upset the status quo and go away with money. It hurts my brothers and starts to leave a little niggling question in my mind. Maybe they are right and I am wrong. I dont want to go there cause I know where that will lead but everywhere I turn now this shit is slinking out of the darkness. Just yesterday a 20 year old was arrested and he had over 10,000 kiddy porn movies on three or for computers. And do you know what he did in his spare time. He helped out for the past 5 years with Boy Scouts of Canada. God and when I was waiting in the docs waiting room I pick up the New York Times Magazine and there is a big article on the traffficing in childred both male and female in America. It seems to me like I really dont want to be a part of the sicko society. My doc suggested I get active and I am but god-dammit sometimes I wonder what the fXXk why bother. It is like pissing into a gale. All you do is winding up stinking. It is the anger and the niggling doubt that is really bothering me though.

And when I see Jay doing what he did and all you great guys here baring your soul and then some sicko comes here to get his jollies off I feel like I am living in a perpetual nightmare.

Sorry to vent.

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#29097 - 02/28/04 10:47 AM Re: why do people choose darkness?
markgreyblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 5400
Loc: Pasadena, CA
mike - no need to be sorry for venting - we all need that -

time to work out hard and then keep vigilant in the raising of awareness about this issue - perhaps this should be a part of our leadership and organization's agenda ???

stay well -

mark

_________________________
"...do not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous



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#29098 - 02/28/04 01:38 PM Re: why do people choose darkness?
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Mike
Quote:
It is like pissing into a gale.
So turn around and piss the other way ! remember - the scumbags are BEHIND us now.

Dave ;\)

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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