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#290782 - 06/08/09 01:41 PM Non-Sexual
h.beat,h.break Offline


Registered: 06/05/09
Posts: 124
Loc: New York
I grew up in a "christian" house hold and I use the term "christian" loosely because neither of my parents practiced it.

Anyway, growing up, I always thought I was gay because I would get e's from my classmates in my gym class. I'm 27 now and I've been with two men and zero women (although I feel the same way when I look at them too). In the encounter with the men I have not been able to o and it's starting to raise a lot of questions.

I honestly feel non-sexual sometimes and I would rather have the intimacy of friendship with these men rather than a sexual one. And I've dated women, but always avoided acting out with them because I always felt that it would spoil the intimacy. Anyone with any help on this matter or have been through what I'm going through?



Edited by h.beat,h.break (06/10/09 10:44 AM)
_________________________
Hey, if "black sheep" means you're the only non-douche of the family, take that with some pride.

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#292647 - 06/22/09 06:32 PM Re: Non-Sexual [Re: h.beat,h.break]
Tedure Offline


Registered: 04/17/09
Posts: 203
Loc: Utah
Thanks for your post,
It sounds like it to me that you have a choice. I think that's good because when you were young you really didn't have a choice... Like most of us. Part of my life I was split down the middle but then I made a choice. And I focused on my choice. You get what you focus on consistently. It has not been easy but nothing of worth ever is. We celebrated our 35 anniversary last week, so I guess you might say I made a good choice. Interestingly enough I just shared my CSA with her 2 months ago.

Much Love and choose wisely, Ted

_________________________
When you change the way you look at things the things you look at change.

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#292792 - 06/23/09 10:46 PM Re: Non-Sexual [Re: Tedure]
sedanman Offline


Registered: 05/28/09
Posts: 43
Loc: Northeast
I am a 42 year old virgin. I have always thought that a happy normal (whatever that means, no judgement implied) sex life was something that "other people" had and I was not entitled to. I am working on these issues.


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#293024 - 06/25/09 04:03 PM Re: Non-Sexual [Re: h.beat,h.break]
gt92507 Offline


Registered: 05/25/09
Posts: 13
Loc: california
yep we just have to work our therapy there'san answer but we haven't reached it yet good luck


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#293267 - 06/26/09 11:25 PM Re: Non-Sexual [Re: gt92507]
h.beat,h.break Offline


Registered: 06/05/09
Posts: 124
Loc: New York
I read a couple of your posts (actually one maybe two can't remember). But in all seriousness, I feel asexual at times. I said non-sexual in the sense that I don't portray a "maleness" or a "femaleness" to me, but my experiences with men and women leave me discouraged because I leave these relationships (if you can even call them that) being used, admired for my physical features and used for someone else's enjoyment just like in my past abuse.

I guess it would be easier to just remain asexual because I wouldn't have to deal with all that bullshit that comes with sex. I'm just sick of being taken advantage of by men and women. I don't think it's the best option though.

_________________________
Hey, if "black sheep" means you're the only non-douche of the family, take that with some pride.

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#294476 - 07/07/09 06:52 AM Re: Non-Sexual [Re: h.beat,h.break]
LilacLouie Offline


Registered: 07/02/09
Posts: 359
Loc: Utah
....



Edited by LilacLouie (07/12/09 04:01 AM)

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#294552 - 07/07/09 08:43 PM Re: Non-Sexual [Re: LilacLouie]
Geeders Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/03/08
Posts: 1901
Loc: Peterborough, Ontario, Canada
A good friend of mine,(screen name mogigo), suggests that labels are for cans.

I think that works for me. People are just people.

Jim

_________________________
My name is Jim
WoR Mysthaven 2008, Level 2 WoR Alta 2009, Kirkridge 2010, 2011, Oprah 200 men

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#294596 - 07/08/09 03:11 AM Re: Non-Sexual [Re: Geeders]
michael banks Offline


Registered: 06/12/08
Posts: 1755
Loc: Mojave Desert, Ca
hbhb

Asexual is an orientation describing individuals who do not experience sexual attraction. Which by it's very definition you could not be one because you said in your post that you have had erections in regards to both men and women.
I think from your post you are dealing with issues relating to being abused and being triggered because of being sexual with someone. In regards to women you made a comment of never acting out. Is being sexual to you about acting out towards someone or them towards you? By the way you worded it,it seems that being sexual = being abusive or abused.
If so I can relate to you because I have felt very much the same way myself. When I dated which was not often and it became sexual. I always regretted it later. Because no matter how much I enjoyed it. Afterwards I would feel guilty because I always felt as if I used them or that they had used me. And whatever closeness we had would be gone. And I would emotionally and physically remove myself from them. This behavior always greatly confused me and the other person. So this behavior pattern cause me to isolate myself from people without the possibility of having anything more then friendship.
I still struggle with issues of feeling that being sexual = being abusive/abused. And has caused me to restrain from being sexual with my wife the last year. There is a part of me that is quite comfortable satisfying myself sexually. I have done so for most of my life.

Mike

_________________________
To own one's shadow is the highest moral act of a human.
-Robert Johnson-

"IT ought never be forgotten that the past is the parent of the future" John C. Calhoun

WOR Alumni Sequoia 2009

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#294718 - 07/09/09 05:23 AM Re: Non-Sexual [Re: michael banks]
LilacLouie Offline


Registered: 07/02/09
Posts: 359
Loc: Utah
....



Edited by LilacLouie (07/12/09 04:02 AM)

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#294725 - 07/09/09 06:55 AM Re: Non-Sexual [Re: LilacLouie]
sedanman Offline


Registered: 05/28/09
Posts: 43
Loc: Northeast
Autosexual?


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