Went and saw spiderman last night. It gave me something very precious - it gave me a memory from before. And something else. I'm going to ramble a little now and I'm not sure where its going to go...
When I was a kid (so many moons ago), spiderman was what I wanted to be. I was pretty sure my mom wouldn't let me change my surname to Parker, but I did ask her if I could change my first name to Peter. When I was nine, I got a spiderman suit for christmas. Only trouble is, there was a kid in the same block of apartments who got bit by the spiderman bug and he got a spiderman suit that christmas too.
So, a contest...
Whoever climbed up the outside of a face brick three story building and got to the roof first, was spiderman.
He got halfway up and made the mistake of looking down. He froze and started crying. I didn't look down until I was on the roof.
A recurring theme in the spiderman books (and it was in the movie too) is 'with great power comes great responsibility'. Now don't get me wrong. None of us, not me, not you, not anybody who has had their soul poleaxed like this owes anyone anything. And while the abuse broke some of me, the rest is a lot stronger. I don't know if it would have been if the abuse hadn't happened. Like the saying 'what doesn't kill me makes me stronger' but from the perspective that I don't try and find things that will try kill me or break me. But that I can not deny the power I find within to live through and despite what happened to me.
And thats the thing - because of this, I feel I am stronger than the twisted flotsam that abused me could ever hope to be. And that gives me a sense of confidence I haven't had before.
Because it makes me feel like they can't do it again. Because I won't let them.
I'm changing my screen name. No prizes and only one guess what its going to be .