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#290532 - 06/06/09 03:49 PM Other Survivors
Riley Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/11/09
Posts: 597
Loc: USA
How did you guys meet other survivors. I think meeting other people would make me feel less alone. Their is no group near me, but I found a place that had the resources for one, but there is not enough interested people.


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#290534 - 06/06/09 04:13 PM Re: Other Survivors [Re: Riley]
Trucker51 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/20/08
Posts: 2826
Loc: Denver, CO
I first met other survivors at in-person support group meetings. Since I have been coming to our site, I have met several other guys who participate here who live near me and one who lives 1000 miles away too. Three senior guys from MS live within 10 miles of me, and two of those live within 5 miles. Several others live within 20 miles of my house. We have had a regular weekend survivor social group going now for almost 9 months here in Denver, an area that has an above-average number of weekly in-person survivor support groups too. And both Frontier Airlines and Southwest Airlines fly here from all over the US for a fairly low cost, so why be alone?

_________________________
"We stay here, we die here. We've got to keep moving". Trucker Mark



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#290538 - 06/06/09 05:20 PM Re: Other Survivors [Re: Trucker51]
michael banks Offline


Registered: 06/12/08
Posts: 1755
Loc: Mojave Desert, Ca
Riley,

I have met three other survivors in the last month. First being Trucker Mark whom I have met a couple of times. When he comes to Ca. to visit his mother. This last time he got to meet the whole family. Like he is here on m/S mark is quite the character. Really enjoy the time I have spent talking to him.

The second survivor I have talk to in the last month is a guy name Joe whom I met at the sequoia wor in march. He live about 50 miles away from me we talk via the phone from time to time. We met for lunch the friday before last and talked for about an hour.

Yeterday I met Barney(Ron) as I was driving back from Salina. Utah and we met at the Love's truck stop In Cedar City, Ut. We talked for about an hour. Really enjoyed talking to him Ron is a very friendly guy hope to talk to him more in the future. As I travel thru Utah.

Also met kb4(Kris)at the wor in sequoia in march.

There is Jon who lives in San dieago and we have talked about meeting a few times. Need to set up a firm meeting time and place with him.

Also Am planning at some point in the future to go to Denver and meet Alan,Andy, Eric and more of the Denver guys.

That is the one thing I wish that m/s was more like AA is in the fact you can find meetings almost everywhere. Maybe in time and as m/s and we mature we can establist different meetings in every town as AA has done. At least I like to dream that this would be a possilibity.

It is nice to sit down and talk to another man with whom the only thing we really have in common is the fact that we are survivors. Seeeing how this has effected us and we are overcoming the these effects from our csa issues.
I hope to one day meet as many of you whom are active here in m/s as I can. Whether it be at a wor or we our travels bring us close to each other. If you happen to find yourself in the So.CAl area. Let me know I would love to get to meet and know you better.

Till we meet !!!

Best Wishs,


Mike

_________________________
To own one's shadow is the highest moral act of a human.
-Robert Johnson-

"IT ought never be forgotten that the past is the parent of the future" John C. Calhoun

WOR Alumni Sequoia 2009

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#290541 - 06/06/09 05:54 PM Re: Other Survivors [Re: michael banks]
joelRT Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 09/11/08
Posts: 1357
Loc: Québec, Canada
Mike,

I am soooo jealous! Pleased as punch for you of course, but still envious as hell. What I wouldn't give to know other real in-the-flesh survivors to hang out with and to feel normal around...sighhhh

_________________________
My Story 1
My Story 2
The longest journey we take is to self-discovery

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#290546 - 06/06/09 07:04 PM Re: Other Survivors [Re: joelRT]
Jim1961 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/10/09
Posts: 1138
Loc: Pa, but likely traveling...
Ryan,
I've met with one survivor here in Pittsburgh. We met a couple times for lunch. Was really neat to meet and talk with someone that has such intimate knowledge. I think I said something like "you know more about me than any one I have ever met before!" It was cool.

I have plans to meet a couple close friends this summer as I travel. Once I am back in good graces, there are several MS guys I'd like to meet for sure (hear that Joel! smile ).

Jim

PS Lets go Pens!

_________________________
Loneliness is a power that we possess to give or take away forever. -Yes, Starship Trooper

My Story

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#290548 - 06/06/09 07:10 PM Re: Other Survivors [Re: Jim1961]
Charlie24 Offline


Registered: 09/28/08
Posts: 562
Riley I'm glad you started this topic and post bud. I would also like to survivors or have some kind of group, social support network. I think it would help. I'm also realizing thanks to the help of guys here, that if I have other interests that can be a way to meet new people. Part of my major has a nutrition club for students and in the past my schedule has overlapped with the schedule of the club. I do think that since I'm college this is best time to try and get involved meet people, so many people around. I'm just trying to get over the fear and just try new things, here's hoping for success for both of us. BTW are you in college or school? Join a group, activity you like? Good luck bud.

Charlie.


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#290549 - 06/06/09 07:12 PM Re: Other Survivors [Re: Riley]
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
riley, you are well beyond the 3 month probationary period for making contact with others whom you sense are forthright and honest to goodness survivors in recovery. if you are leary about anyone feel free to ask any of those who have been around here for a while. we support meeting other survivors and sharing insights off-site with verifiable users. you can tell about them by checking their posts. i personally hesitate to involve myself with anyone who does not create a profile by posting and participating in discussions on the discussion board, but that's just me. if you do seek off site relationships please note that we can not be held responsible for what takes place off site. and remember any of your personal information that you exchange is no longer private. be cautious and stay safe.

ron


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#290554 - 06/06/09 07:33 PM Re: Other Survivors [Re: Jim1961]
joelRT Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 09/11/08
Posts: 1357
Loc: Québec, Canada
Jim,

When do I pen you in for coffee and a couple games of pool? cool

_________________________
My Story 1
My Story 2
The longest journey we take is to self-discovery

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#290566 - 06/06/09 10:05 PM Re: Other Survivors [Re: joelRT]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Ryan,

I would suggest meeting other survivors in contexts where there are some specific considerations for your comfort and safety. The first survivor I met when I was new here was an administrator (lloydy) who lived not too far from me. Even then I felt uncomfortable when we first met, though that feeling soon passed.

A good way to meet other guys in a secure environment would be to join a group (I know you found there aren't any where you live right now), attend a Weekend of Recovery, or go to a survivor workshop or retreat such as those run by Mike Lew. In all those cases the event is being set up by people who know how to make guys feel safe and welcome and what they might need as discussions continue.

If you're going to meet another survivor one-on-one, for the time being I would suggest that you look for someone who is very experienced on the site. I don't mean to imply that others would be risky. It's just that experienced guys will know how to look for signs you are becoming uncomfortable, and at that moment they can divert the subject to lighter topics.

Do bear in mind that it's important to be connecting with someone who appears to be responsible and trustworthy. After all, once you tell the other guy something that information is "out" and you can't snatch it back. You no longer have control over what the other guy will do with the information, and you have to trust him to respect your confidence. That's often a big step to take for a survivor, who as a boy has learned that his needs and concerns don't count for anything.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#290596 - 06/07/09 04:26 AM Re: Other Survivors [Re: Riley]
ComicBookGuy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/08/09
Posts: 443
Loc: London, England
Originally Posted By: Riley
How did you guys meet other survivors. I think meeting other people would make me feel less alone. Their is no group near me, but I found a place that had the resources for one, but there is not enough interested people.


I think you hit the nail on the head in your first post, as Trucker Mark has said, there are people getting on planes, trains and automobiles to meet each other thanks to MS and making a real effort and getting the due reward that brings. In your area they choose not to be that bothered, which was my personal experience of the very first survivor I came into close contact with in London. The next experience of meeting a survivor outside my group was also negative, because he's a member of the group I attend and didn't feel he could acknowledge another survivor outside that one hour per month that we meet.

So I would say, whatever arrangements you make, don't use the rules of AA regarding trust and privacy to cop out and not acknowledge your fellow survivor when you see them outside of your scheduled meeting. It's fair enough that you have to mind the privacy/safety issue with regard to MS policy but I would say pretending not to know someone you've been in contact with, is taking it too far unless you hated each other enough personality-wise to start duking it out.

Thankfully, following these two negative experiences, I met another survivor through Al-Anon last week who has never visted MS or the site I contribute to, so I passed on both URLs. If I never see him again, I did that for him. However I know it's up to him now, we're not friends and there's an element of having to kick-start his own recovery and I've no control over whether he takes that chance.

So if I want a different group experience to the one in London then I have to board the train to Swindon and try those groups across there. At this stage of recovery I'm realistic about what I hope to get from meeting other survivors, so I'll seek out these other groups when I'm ready.



Edited by ComicBookGuy (06/07/09 04:38 AM)
_________________________
- CBG

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