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#290226 - 06/04/09 10:07 AM What Priest Told Me...
J.R. Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/13/07
Posts: 307
Loc: United States
Hi guys.

I am still kind of trying to figure out what a Priest said to me one time. I went to talk to him about how I was feeling and everything, and mentioned I felt really bad about what happened
in my life, specifically the abuse from my father. He went on to say that all I need to do is ask for forgiveness from God for what I did, and I would be forgiven and could move on. I am really not sure how to take this. part of me is angry, part of me is confused.

Let me know what you think.

_________________________
Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved. -Helen Keller

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#290232 - 06/04/09 11:08 AM Re: What Priest Told Me... [Re: J.R.]
Barney Offline


Registered: 07/31/06
Posts: 236
Loc: Southern Utah/Northern Arizon
Hi,

I would feel much of the anger and confusion you are feeling as well. The priest is implying by his comments that you did something wrong while being abused by your father. As if in some way, it was your fault or shared fault which resulted in the abuse.

Obviously, this is totally impossible and not true. It is the responsibility of the parent to provide for the welfare of the child, not for the child to take care of themselves. Your father took advantage of you in a very vile and inappropriate way and he is the one to be blamed for the situation, certainly not you.

You have nothing to be forgiven of. At some point, hopefully when your healed, YOU can forgive your father for what he did and then move on. Had I been the priest, that is what I have said to you.

Thanks for sharing and being open to some feedback.

Hugs,

Ron


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#290238 - 06/04/09 12:24 PM Re: What Priest Told Me... [Re: Barney]
Tedure Offline


Registered: 04/17/09
Posts: 203
Loc: Utah
J. R.

I totally agree with what Ron just said and would only add that At some point, hopefully when your healed, that you can forgive your father for what he did and your PRIEST for what he said.

Love much and do the best you can!

Your Brother, Ted

_________________________
When you change the way you look at things the things you look at change.

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#290247 - 06/04/09 01:13 PM Re: What Priest Told Me... [Re: Tedure]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
J.R.,

Your priest sounds like a certifiable fool to me. You go to him with the problem of your feelings about the abuse your father subjected you to, and all he can offer is the cliche that you should seek forgiveness for your own sins and let the rest go. You feel angry and confused because what he's saying is rubbish and reflects his own lack of understanding and empathy for the problem you are facing.

I'm not saying that if you are looking for a spiritual religiously oriented program of recovery this nonsense is all you can look forward to. But I would forget this particular knucklehead and look elsewhere. There are plenty of Catholic priests who know a lot about CSA and will be able to help you.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#290275 - 06/04/09 04:10 PM Re: What Priest Told Me... [Re: roadrunner]
JustScott Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/27/08
Posts: 2575
Sadly I've heard that from various sources myself.

Those who suggest you need to ask for forgiveness for something that was done to you is ridiculous. I like to turn the tables on people and should anyone ever suggest such a thing to me again, I'm likely to ask them if a woman who is raped needs to ask for forgiveness for what someone else has done or even ask if the Jews should ask for forgiveness for the Holocaust. The idea is stupid and shows a huge lack of knowledge and understanding.

I'm sorry this was said to you. Know that you are not responsible for what was done to you and you need not ask anyone to forgive you for it.


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#290284 - 06/04/09 04:57 PM Re: What Priest Told Me... [Re: JustScott]
J.R. Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/13/07
Posts: 307
Loc: United States
It just seems scary going to talk to a priest now about feelings I am having, when I am afraid they might say what they have said to me before. Is it even worth it?

J.R.

_________________________
Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved. -Helen Keller

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#290304 - 06/04/09 07:25 PM Re: What Priest Told Me... [Re: J.R.]
JustScott Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/27/08
Posts: 2575
I guess it really depends on the individual you talk to. My pastor is a great guy, but he's clueless on this stuff. He just flat out doesn't get it. He's never been trained with it, never had to deal with it, and knows zilch. Good guy, but I don't talk to him about it.

If the person you talk to has been educated and knows, it could be a very positive experience for you. Guess it's hard to say for sure.

I've gotten myself to a place that I realize that when I do talk about things with people, that it is likely that they won't have a foggy clue, and thusly I realize if that does turn out to be the case and they do indeed say something ignorant or stupid, It's not a big deal, because they're just flat out ignorant and know nothing on the subject.

Works for me, maybe not for everyone, I don't know.


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#290316 - 06/04/09 08:05 PM Re: What Priest Told Me... [Re: JustScott]
wojax Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 06/22/04
Posts: 171
Loc: Florida
JR
The Priest might be giving you some good advice, you must forgive your self before you can forgive others...I know it sounds crazy , But it works...The load of guilt and shame stsrt to melt away..And you will start to feel good about yourself..Ihave a Pastor and he has guided me in that direction many years ago. I was so angry for so long..
Please give it a try.
Gary

_________________________
Jer 7:23 ps 91:16

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#290322 - 06/04/09 08:35 PM Re: What Priest Told Me... [Re: wojax]
J.R. Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/13/07
Posts: 307
Loc: United States
Thanks for your support everyone. I just feel real bad about myself. I feel real guilty for what has happened, it's really hard for myself to come to terms with things. Hopefully I can move on here, seems like it is a really long process. I wish this process would be over soon, but something tells me that is not quite so.

J.R.

_________________________
Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved. -Helen Keller

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#290329 - 06/04/09 10:07 PM Re: What Priest Told Me... [Re: J.R.]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2435
Loc: TEXAS
Hi, J.R.

I can't put into words what I think about that "priest".

We have to ask for forgveness!

What is HE going to forgive me for? Liking it? Enjoying it? Going back for more? I was a young boy, made in HIS image and likeness. (Gods).

We are the VICTIMS of a sin committed by other persons.

That's our greatest problem, feeling the guilt & shame for having been sexually abused by someone.

I think that that "priest" needs more compassion, understandig towards us VICTIMS.

Heal well my brothers/friends.

Pete (Irishmoose)

_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


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