First mistake - allowing my mom to read Abused Boys by Mic Hunter. She is now a psychologist and personal adviser to me... or so she thinks.
Today she told me this book is giving her ideas. She said she is here for me and understands. OK that part is good i guess. But then she goes on to say I need to get on with my life. She has known for a few weeks and already wants me to just move along and be Mr. Happy. OK then I'm all fixed up. Sorry it took three weeks of you knowing to get all better. How fucking stupid of me.
It's like she is reading this book but not actually listening to what she is reading. She is pressuring me to talk to the bad guy, telling me I need to move on. Write him a letter or talk to him. It makes me so mad I just want to punch her a few times. I never would - but that's just how I feel. She seems to think everything will be just fine. She also suggested getting a stuffed animal (if you have read the book you know what I am talking about). But then she went out and wanted to buy one for me. That is NOT the idea talked about in the book.
I hate my mom for so many reasons but I just wanted to think that she is trying to be here for me now. But she isn't. She is just looking out for herself. Making sure my horrible childhood doesn't impact her life too much. I am such an inconvenience it makes me sick. Ok - that was stupid even as I typed it but I still feel that way.
But it is all on me to make everything all better. Just like I have always been there for her while she got beat by my dad and the 3-5 times a week my sister would run away from home. I have been the supporter in the family my whole life. But I guess I don't get the luxury of being supported. It's tough when I'm the only one in the family capable of it.
She has not supported me my whole life, but now she thinks she is my sidekick. Well screw her.
But, it is up to her. The more she pressures me, the more holes I make in the wall with my fist. My bedroom door is beginning to look like swiss cheese. Oh well, it's her house.
Yay! I vented.
ps- i have mommy issues
Have a nice day!