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#286584 - 05/07/09 10:49 AM Never be free of them
behindthewall Offline

Registered: 07/28/08
Posts: 126
Loc: US

#286590 - 05/07/09 11:20 AM Re: Never be free of them [Re: behindthewall]
Sans Logos Offline

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...

i am grievously sorry you had to go through that, and that now you have to live the the effects. please don't give up. you can learn to live with these memories surrounded by your friends and brothers here at male survivor.

you are a good person full of talent and potential, with a huge contribution to make, especially to those who, like you, have come to these gates to find healing. keep the faith jess, what ever that is to you. i know you know this, but it always bears repeating: you're not alone now.

(((((((( jesse ))))))))

keeping you in thought and prayer,


  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy

#286598 - 05/07/09 11:27 AM Re: Never be free of them [Re: behindthewall]
Jesse92 Offline

Registered: 03/22/09
Posts: 102
Loc: The Netherlands

First of I'm really sorry what happened to you... That is beyond horrific.
Second.. No I don't think it's weird they still have that hold over you, even after all of these years. Probably lots of people on here can say it was the same for them even after 10,20 years or more.
The fever, well you already connected it to your abusers. It's probably a reaction of your body on all the stress and fear and anxiety that come along with going to the police/ or telling anyone about things like this...
I do think you will be free of them. But you probably can't be until you make that step... telling the police, your t, someone.
Take care. Keep talking to us, ok?


#286638 - 05/07/09 06:48 PM Re: Never be free of them [Re: Jesse92]
michael banks Offline

Registered: 06/12/08
Posts: 1755
Loc: Mojave Desert, Ca

Thanks for posting about this subject. It takes alot of courage when the messages told to you were reinforced by such horrific behaviors. I never I to endure this type of behavior but have met people from time to time who have. And it has cause them a great deal of trauma and pain in life. Glad to see you sharing your history with us.


To own one's shadow is the highest moral act of a human.
-Robert Johnson-

"IT ought never be forgotten that the past is the parent of the future" John C. Calhoun

WOR Alumni Sequoia 2009

#286864 - 05/09/09 12:51 PM Re: Never be free of them [Re: michael banks]
behindthewall Offline

Registered: 07/28/08
Posts: 126
Loc: US
Ron and Michael..thanks for the positive words. Was kinda worried about the reaction I'd get.

Jesse..I have been looking into the psychosomatic aspect. I hadnt considered that. It makes a lot of sense, especially since the Drs. still can't figure out what is wrong with me. Thanks man.

#289826 - 06/01/09 02:55 PM Re: Never be free of them [Re: behindthewall]
Tedure Offline

Registered: 04/17/09
Posts: 203
Loc: Utah
I am so sorry for the things you have had to suffer. Thanks for your post. You are on you way to healing... keep going.. lots of people love and care about you and your situation. You will always have our thoughts and prayers. You now have power.

Love, Ted

When you change the way you look at things the things you look at change.


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