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#289654 - 05/31/09 01:18 PM Over staying my welcom
wojax Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 06/22/04
Posts: 171
Loc: Florida
Guys i have been coming here for almost 10 years now..I have heald and I think recoveryed as much as we can...I have always been open and honest with my feelings and advice...I really do see you all as Brothers...
I am just wondering if I have over stayed my welcome..You guys (most are gone now) have helped me with my recovery from Cancer. When i look at all the new names on here i cant help but feel sad that this abuse is still going on...It seems to be worse now then when I was abused..
I do pray for you brothers daily, but is that enough? I have no reason to be crying right now why am I?
May God Bless you all

Jer 7:23 ps 91:16

#289657 - 05/31/09 01:26 PM Re: Over staying my welcom [Re: wojax]
behindthewall Offline

Registered: 07/28/08
Posts: 126
Loc: US
Gary you are an inspiration to me. When we talk you give me hope that one day I might get there too. I don't know if prayer is enough, you know my struggle with that, but that's not all you do. You're here, you listen, you encourage.

If being here though is causing you harm though, then maybe you need a break. If you take one, I hope you don't stay away forever. I would miss you. Thanks Gary, for everything you have done for me.


#289750 - 06/01/09 03:07 AM Re: Over staying my welcom [Re: behindthewall]
b869 Offline

Registered: 01/26/09
Posts: 767
Loc: Philippines
Gary (papa),

I don't know if prayers are enough but I do know it helps a little. Like a friend here told me a little is good smile

I second what Jesse said. If being here cause you pain, then take a break if you like smile. You have help many of us not just me. I just hope you don't stay away forever too.

Thanks a lot Gary!

Marvin (Grasshopper)


When thing get complicated go back to simplicity

Harvey Fierstein
Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.

#289752 - 06/01/09 03:22 AM Re: Over staying my welcom [Re: b869]
Trucker51 Offline

Registered: 05/20/08
Posts: 2826
Loc: Denver, CO
I think that it is somewhat of a challenge to keep coming here and trying to make new friends as our old friends have moved onto new lives. I've only been here a year and there are already people that I miss, like Lance (LW1527). Others have come and gone for good reasons and bad ones. In my own situation I keep trying to greet the new guys at the door and over time I have managed to make some new friends. If you want to give your time in a mentoring role here it shouldn't matter that most of your long-time friends have moved-on in their lives.

If you are feeling a little burned-out a short vacation might not be the worst thing too. Think about the benefit that your level of recovery experience could bring to many of our less-experienced members. I left my last group and walked confidently out the front door 9 years ago feeling really good about myself. It is because I had lots of extra time on my hands with my medical disability last year that I found this site and decided to give internet CSA mentoring a chance. And I have found my time here richly rewarding too.

I think that your experience could benefit many of the guys here Gary. Why don't you take a little vacation and re-think your value to the site and the organization. Do it because you can.


"We stay here, we die here. We've got to keep moving". Trucker Mark

#289756 - 06/01/09 05:18 AM Re: Over staying my welcom [Re: Trucker51]
michael banks Offline

Registered: 06/12/08
Posts: 1755
Loc: Mojave Desert, Ca

I too want to thank for for all the kind words and supportthat you have given me in the last year. I know at times in can be overwhelming and I have taken some time off from the site in order to regain my focus. Sometimes it is just overwhelming at the sheer # of new guys coming onto the site. And you realize it is just a tiny faction of total # of men abused.
I know that I for one hope you return to share your wisdom of recovery.
I am realizing that I can not conitue to log on as many hours here at m/s as I have this first year. I have other relationships that need my time and energy. I need to find the proper balance in my life which is always been a struggle.
But know that for me at least M/s and supporting it is and will conitue to be an important part of my life.
Thanks for puting this tread out here. I feel it is timely discussion.
Whatever you decide know that you will have my support.


To own one's shadow is the highest moral act of a human.
-Robert Johnson-

"IT ought never be forgotten that the past is the parent of the future" John C. Calhoun

WOR Alumni Sequoia 2009

#289762 - 06/01/09 06:56 AM Re: Over staying my welcom [Re: wojax]
Sans Logos Offline

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
I have no reason to be crying right now why am I?
....because you are a human being and you have a heart full of compassion and empathy for others who are suffering a similar plight. gary please don't minimize that for a second because all these new members of the '1 in 6' club need to come in contact with your kind of hope and love. where else will they go to get what they need to survive?

keep the faith,


#289839 - 06/01/09 04:11 PM Re: Over staying my welcom [Re: Sans Logos]
Barney Offline

Registered: 07/31/06
Posts: 236
Loc: Southern Utah/Northern Arizon

I think the message should be clear, you are contributing in lots of ways and to lots of people and doesnt appear that you have overstayed your welcome at all.

So, keep doing what your doing is my recommendation as it is working the site is better off for having you


#289843 - 06/01/09 04:21 PM Re: Over staying my welcom [Re: Barney]
Jim1961 Offline

Registered: 03/10/09
Posts: 1186
Loc: Pa, but likely traveling...

You have helped so many times in the past. Please stick around! I'd miss you big time. I look forward to seeing your familiar ID in chat when I return!


Loneliness is a power that we possess to give or take away forever. -Yes, Starship Trooper

My Story

#289855 - 06/01/09 06:50 PM Re: Over staying my welcom [Re: wojax]
C.E. Offline

Registered: 05/20/09
Posts: 9
Loc: Washington
From a very new person to this site, we need to hear from and read the thoughts and ideas that men like you bring to MS.. We need to share your experience, strength, and hope so we can become survivors and not just victims ... anyway I for one hope you stay or at least come back after a break.. Best wishes and prayers.


#289878 - 06/01/09 09:59 PM Re: Over staying my welcom [Re: C.E.]
Charlie24 Offline

Registered: 09/28/08
Posts: 562
Gary, I want to echo what the other gentlemen here at Male Survivor have said about you bud. I appreciate you being here and am glad you are here. You help me, you obviously have helped the other guys. I like you and find that it helps to have a guy here who has been through it all, your my light at the end of the tunnel, as corny as that may sound, I truly mean it Gary. Jesse may be right, maybe you need a break. I do appreciate the guys who have stuck with this site after their recovery, it helps to have men who have been there, done that and can say you will make it through. Through my personal storm you've been a bit of a guiding lite to help me keep focused. You like so many of the other men here have big, caring hearts and as Ron said you care about others, full of compassion. God bless you Gary for what you do, I thank you. If you feel that it is time to move on, I will respect that decision, but know that you will be sorely missed.

Your friend, Charlie.

#289887 - 06/01/09 11:07 PM Re: Over staying my welcom [Re: Charlie24]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Well, Gary, you have been around here for longer than I have, and I can recall so many helpful posts you have made and I recall you as an active and supportive user in chat as well. So the question would be, is the site still helpful to you? Does it provide a venue you still need?

I wouldn't worry too much about being here for a long time. Many of us set down roots of some sort here, and that's just fine.

Crying doesn't mean you're weak or a failure as a survivor. It means you empathize for the situation that you see so many guys facing here. Surely that's a good thing.

Hope your health situation is looking better.

Much love,

Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

#289893 - 06/01/09 11:57 PM Re: Over staying my welcom [Re: roadrunner]
Shadow+Walker Offline

Registered: 04/16/09
Posts: 287
Loc: desolate foggy nights, USA
Hey Bro!
It does not have to be all or nothing. Check in once or twice a month; scan the headlines for posts of greatest interest and reply or send a PM occasionally. It is nice to know that somebody is covering the 6, and you're not alone. Either way, be safe! Do what's best for you.


For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, love and self discipline. (St Paul, 2Timothy 1:7) NIV

Check out a cool song by a hot band..."Unbreakable" by Fireflight: official video at

#289896 - 06/02/09 12:23 AM Re: Over staying my welcom [Re: Shadow+Walker]
Marinan Offline

Registered: 07/03/07
Posts: 330
Sure Wojax. I wil miss you if you go. You don' have to come in everyday. You are just fine how you are.

#293224 - 06/26/09 05:44 PM Re: Over staying my welcom [Re: Marinan]
Shadow+Walker Offline

Registered: 04/16/09
Posts: 287
Loc: desolate foggy nights, USA
Thank you for being here at Male Survivor! You and the others were here conducting the business of healing and holding the door open for the rest of us as we showed up. It is now our turn to conduct the business and hold the doors open for the next wave of survivors as they begin their journey of recovery. I shall ever be grateful for your loyalty and devotion, demonstrated through your support and words of wisdom. When I first met you in the chatroom, although our conversation was brief, I knew that I had found a friend and brother at Male Survivor. Thank you and God bless you, eternally.


For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, love and self discipline. (St Paul, 2Timothy 1:7) NIV

Check out a cool song by a hot band..."Unbreakable" by Fireflight: official video at

#293370 - 06/28/09 10:59 AM Re: Over staying my welcom [Re: Shadow+Walker]
nomansanisland Offline

Registered: 02/02/09
Posts: 156
Loc: NM

sending this out to the heavens , as you have just graduated to heaven.
Thank you for challeneging me, in chat and helping me think about where i stand as a christian man.

Thanks for offering ideas and biblical references to things i needed to be reminded of.

Most of all thanks for the debate on forgiveness. You opened me up to it. I am greatful for you sharing of yourself even through your pain your eyes were watching heaven.

I hope I meet you there one day brother Gary...


" If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drum. Let him step to the music he hears, however measured or far away." Henry David Thoreau

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