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#288988 - 05/26/09 09:48 PM feeling burned out
Whatever Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/17/09
Posts: 62
Loc: Ontario, Canada
So I think I have burned myself out. Last night I drank for the first time in close to 3 weeks. I'm ashamed that I did. The past couple weeks have been so hard on me. I'm exhausted and feel so alone.

When my secret (and my dads) was thrust into the spotlight on May 15, I wanted to just die. But I started talking to my mom a bit and even a couple old friends that I haven't seen in a while. For the first time in a long time things seemed like maybe they would be ok.

But it takes so much out of me reliving what happened. Over and over all day every day and night I am being forced to deal with this. The nightmares are so real lately. It is so much easier to block it out and put on my game face. Just pretend everything is peachy.

So I drank last night and drowned my problems away. Til I woke up with a headache of course.

I want to drink again right now. It's so crazy that one day I think things are going well, then they aren't the next.

My last post was so happy. I had a good day. smile Today is not a good day. Hope tomorrow is better.

_________________________
"Trying is the first step to failure"
-Quote by Homer J. Simpson - World's greatest dad

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#289002 - 05/26/09 11:16 PM Re: feeling burned out [Re: Whatever]
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
whatever,

don't be hard on yourself bro. 'mama said there'd be days like this'. the problem is not alcohol, so don't kick yourself for that. alcohol is but a symptom. sure it's ok to vacate occasionally by tossing back a few, but that is not the long range answer. as long as it is not a regular pain management technique, i wouldn't worry about it. i would be focusing on solutions that deal with managing the suffering that is bound to occur in addressing the dis-ease brought about by admitting the devastation brought about by the experiences of having been sexually abused.

this recovery is a process, sometimes two steps forward three steps back. go gently bro; it's only been a matter of days since you've been facing this. you have to give it time. stay close and keep posting.

keep the faith bro!

ron


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#289176 - 05/28/09 12:14 AM Re: feeling burned out [Re: Sans Logos]
ericc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/04/08
Posts: 1959
I know how it goes. Sometimes you need to slip a little to see what you really need to do to make progress. And it sounds like this is all new to you. There are up and there are downs. You just have to take a "bigger picture" perspective and keep working toward the gains knowings there will be some backtracking, but followed by more gains. It is worth the effort.

Eric

Oh and I wanted to add that it can be very tumultuous at first as you are dealing with SO many emotions and feelings that have been bottled up. It takes time to work through all this but again worth the effort.


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