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#288660 - 05/24/09 07:02 AM The Depression
Clockwise Offline


Registered: 03/03/09
Posts: 302
Loc: Pennsylvania
Its almost 7 in the morning here and I haven't slept at all. I stayed up all night watching tv and walking around the first floor of my house. I don't want to sleep anymore because I have nothing to wake up for. No smiling faces, no hugs, no happy conversation-nothing. My parents are either at work, asleep or out whenever I do get up in the morning so I spend most days in the house alone. I can't go anywhere and even if I could I'd be all by myself and that's even worst.

I feel like crying right now. I have nobody. There isn't one person in the world I can run to and talk to. Its like nobody knows I'm alive. The people at my old job talk to me when I come in the store to pick up a few things and tell me how its not fair how I got fired and their support feels good, but that's it. I leave and so does the good feeling. I can't confess to them how I feel inside. I can't tell anyone how I feel. Just the day to day hopelessness is killing me. I don't know how else to help myself. I've tried filling my day with things like exercising but after a while even that feels boring.

Its 7 in the morning here and I have the whole day ahead of me. I should be happy now-my step-dad took my mom to work and he'll probably be gone most of the day so I have the whole house to myself. Its quiet, just how I like it. But its empty. I would give anything just to have someone next to me right now.

Thanks for reading my rant.

Terrick

_________________________
Yet another 24 hours.

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#288666 - 05/24/09 08:39 AM Re: The Depression [Re: Clockwise]
Riley Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/11/09
Posts: 597
Loc: USA
You should get a dog Terrick. When I move out I need to leave my dogs and I can tell you right now that it will be the one thing I miss the most. Nothing like the feeling of coming home to 2 dogs jumping up and down and being that excited to see you. Plus they always give you company and listen to you talk.

Anyway, just a suggestion, I find them to be very therapeutic. Hope you feel better soon.


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#288794 - 05/25/09 01:01 PM Re: The Depression [Re: Clockwise]
Casmir213 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/14/09
Posts: 845
Loc: Northeast, USA
Terrick,

I feel the same way that you describe on most days, as I don't have a job/friend/partner either and the future doesn't seem bright for me, but I'm glad you posted your honest feelings even though I'm not glad you feel that you are alone. The good thing about this site though is that people can be alone together. So really since you have the ability to communicate with others through this site, so you're not totally alone. Yeah, I know it's not the same as what you're talking about though.

Rocco

_________________________
I see recovery as a lifelong journey rather than a final destination, a journey, though, which can have many successes along the way.

WoR Alumnus - Hope Springs, OH, October 2009

My avatar is the farmhouse at the Hope Spring, OH WoR. It's a nice place.

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#289131 - 05/27/09 07:18 PM Re: The Depression [Re: Casmir213]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Hi Terrick,

Your are in desperate need of someone to talk to, that's clear enough. I know you're not on great terms with your step-dad, but how about your mother? Haven't things been better between the two of you recently? And from your other posts it looks like you are a guy with a good deal of religious faith - or at least you are willing to give it a chance. Could you speak with a pastor at your local Baptist church?

Part of your problem may well be clinical depression as well; this is very common among guys in your situation and lots of survivors are depressed. I was for a long time. For this you need to see a doctor and get some meds prescribed.

It's great the way you are able to talk about your issues. You show a lot of courage and I know that will be a great asset for you. Hang in there!

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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