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#288956 - 05/26/09 05:34 PM Victims No Longer
J.R. Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/13/07
Posts: 307
Loc: United States
Hello all.

I wanted to ask if there was anyone on here that has read the book "Victims No Longer" by Mike Lew. I have heard it was a good book, but was wondering if anyone would be willing to expound.

Would it be worth to buy?

JR

_________________________
Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved. -Helen Keller

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#288972 - 05/26/09 07:41 PM Re: Victims No Longer [Re: J.R.]
b869 Offline


Registered: 01/26/09
Posts: 767
Loc: Philippines
I haven't read it yet... but people here said its really a good book and could help a lot

_________________________

When thing get complicated go back to simplicity

Harvey Fierstein
Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.

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#289014 - 05/27/09 12:59 AM Re: Victims No Longer [Re: J.R.]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2439
Loc: TEXAS
HI MY BROTHERS.

FOR ME THE BOOK VICTIMS NO lONGER WAS WORTH IT'S WEIGHT IN GOLD.
ANOTHER BOOK THAT I FOUND FIRST WAS BROKEN BOYS/MENDING MEN. ALSO WORTH IT.

FOR ME THEY WERE A TREMENDOUS HELP IN MY ONGOING RECOVERY.

HEAL WELL MY BROTHERS/FRIENDS.

PETE (IRISHMOOSE)



Edited by petercorbett (05/27/09 01:00 AM)
_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


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#289016 - 05/27/09 01:03 AM Re: Victims No Longer [Re: b869]
TJ jeff Offline

Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/07/04
Posts: 3369
Loc: Northern Wisconsin
it was one of the 1st books that I read...

it's a great book - well worth it to buy in my opinion - I like the layout of the book - everything is broken down into topics that seem to build upon the previous one - it's very straightforwardly worded - easy to understand - just a very good book...

even a lot of libraries have it if you don't want to spend the money to buy a copy yourself

if anonymity is an issue check out our site's bookstore here MS Bookstore - they ship in plain packaging that no one will know what's inside...

_________________________
Who will cry for the little boy? - I will... - Antwone Fisher

Abuse happens in silence/isolation - Recovery happens only when that silence/isolation is broken...

TJ's History

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#289062 - 05/27/09 09:04 AM Re: Victims No Longer [Re: TJ jeff]
J.R. Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/13/07
Posts: 307
Loc: United States
Well, from the reviews here, sounds like a pretty good book. In High School, I got the Courage to Heal book and workbook from my guidance counselor, still trying to work through them too.

_________________________
Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved. -Helen Keller

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#289114 - 05/27/09 04:11 PM Re: Victims No Longer [Re: J.R.]
michael banks Offline


Registered: 06/12/08
Posts: 1755
Loc: Mojave Desert, Ca
JR

Victims no longer is an excellent book. I bought my first copy in 1990 or 91. When I was first started recovery and there was not many rescources available. The book helped me to understand myself and some of my behaviors in a whole new lite. Made me realize that I was not alone and my behaviors were not my fault.

Mike

_________________________
To own one's shadow is the highest moral act of a human.
-Robert Johnson-

"IT ought never be forgotten that the past is the parent of the future" John C. Calhoun

WOR Alumni Sequoia 2009

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#289115 - 05/27/09 04:16 PM Re: Victims No Longer [Re: michael banks]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
JR,

Victims No Longer is a compassionate and meticulously accurate book that opened the way for a whole range of literature on male survivors. It was a pioneering work when it first appeared and the author was invited to speak about it on the Oprah Winfrey show. Mike Lew himself is one of the most caring and gentlest men you could ever hope to meet, and his way with survivors is astonishing.

VNL was one of the first survivor books I read, and this spring I have been going through it again. It amazes me how much I keep learning from it each time I pick the book up. You won't regret buying a copy.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#289367 - 05/29/09 11:33 AM Re: Victims No Longer [Re: roadrunner]
J.R. Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/13/07
Posts: 307
Loc: United States
Well, sounds like you all really recommend the book. I am on my way to get it right now, thanks for all the advice.

_________________________
Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved. -Helen Keller

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#289369 - 05/29/09 11:37 AM Re: Victims No Longer [Re: J.R.]
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
you can get it pretty inexpensively on amazon.com


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#289371 - 05/29/09 11:52 AM Re: Victims No Longer [Re: Sans Logos]
J.R. Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/13/07
Posts: 307
Loc: United States
Yes, I just ordered it through the MS Site which linked me to Amazon and it was pretty cheap.

I also ordered "Beyond Betrayal" by Dr. Richard B. Gartner.

Thank for all your help.

_________________________
Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved. -Helen Keller

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#290080 - 06/03/09 01:30 PM Re: Victims No Longer [Re: J.R.]
J.R. Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/13/07
Posts: 307
Loc: United States
Hi everyone. I just received "Victims No Longer" and "Beyond Betrayal" in the mail. I will try and start my journey, hoping I
can manage myself throughout this undertaking.

J.R.

_________________________
Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved. -Helen Keller

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#290087 - 06/03/09 02:06 PM Re: Victims No Longer [Re: J.R.]
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
Quote:
hoping I can manage myself throughout this undertaking


oh don't worry about that jr, we'll help you. you don't have to do this by yourself, remember?

wink


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#290148 - 06/03/09 09:38 PM Re: Victims No Longer [Re: Sans Logos]
J.R. Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/13/07
Posts: 307
Loc: United States
Yes, thank you. I started reading the first chapter today, and came across the few pages of actions that I can relate to which survivors typically experience. I can not believe how much that section showed me how I am no different than those who wrote down
the actions.

J.R.

_________________________
Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved. -Helen Keller

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#290318 - 06/04/09 08:22 PM Re: Victims No Longer [Re: J.R.]
Trucker51 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/20/08
Posts: 2826
Loc: Denver, CO
I have borrowed this review of VICTIMS NO LONGER from another website. Thanks so much for writing this Robbie.

----------------------------------------------------------------

For me, Victims No Linger was literally a life-saver. The validation I received was invaluable.

The first book written specifically for men, Victims No Longer examines the changing cultural attitudes toward male survivors of incest and other sexual trauma. Now, in this Second Edition, this invaluable resource continues to offer compassionate and practical advice, supported by personal anecdotes and statements of male survivors. Victims No Longer helps survivors to:

Identify and validate their childhood experiences
Explore strategies of survival and healing
Work through issues such as trust, intimacy, and sexual confusion
Establish a support network for continued personal recovery
Make choices that aren’t determined by abuse
Psychotherapist Mike Lew has worked with thousands of men and women in their healing from the effects of childhood sexual abuse, rape, physical violence, emotional abuse, and neglect. The development of strategies for recovery from incest and other abuse, particularly for men, has been a major focus of his work as a counselor and group leader.

Thoroughly updated and revised, and including an expanded Resources section, Victims No Longer educates survivors and professionals about the recovery process — speaking to the pain, needs, fears, and hopes of the adult male survivor.

About the Author

Mike Lew, M.Ed., a psychotherapist and group therapy leader, is co-director of The Next Step Counseling and Training Center in Newton Centre, MA. He provides public lectures, professional trainings, and workshops for survivors nationwide, and he has appeared on “The Oprah Winfrey Show,” “Sally Jessy Raphael,” and many other television and radio programs.

_________________________
"We stay here, we die here. We've got to keep moving". Trucker Mark



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#290339 - 06/04/09 11:29 PM Re: Victims No Longer [Re: Trucker51]
expom Offline


Registered: 01/06/09
Posts: 124
Loc: Australia
Like you, this book is how I am still breathing. For me, it proved that there were others on the planet that feel as I do about events in my childhood that I had no business knowing about.

When Mike Lew came to Australia to conduct some Victims No Longer workshops - I just had to be there. Thank god that I did get there.

Now I am on my way to being able to redeem the time that I have left, and to be able to face tomorrow when it has been so hard in the past, just facing today.

Thanks again Mike

ADen

_________________________
I endured all my yesterdays. I prevail in all of my todays. I exercise my right to be able to enjoy my tomorrows. I choose not to do it alone.

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#291210 - 06/11/09 10:00 AM Re: Victims No Longer [Re: expom]
J.R. Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/13/07
Posts: 307
Loc: United States
I just wanted to inform everyone that I told my Therapist that Male Survivor recommended 'Victims No Longer' and asked her opionion on it. She said she never heard of it, but she would read it, and let me know what she thought. Well, she gave me the best reviews possible and said I should finish reading it ASAP.

Must be a really good book then!

J.R.

_________________________
Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved. -Helen Keller

Top
#291222 - 06/11/09 10:55 AM Re: Victims No Longer [Re: J.R.]
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
Quote:
Must be a really good book


it is referred to as the survivors bible; LOL can't get much gooder than that i suppose

_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


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#291224 - 06/11/09 11:00 AM Re: Victims No Longer [Re: J.R.]
ComicBookGuy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/08/09
Posts: 443
Loc: London, England
Originally Posted By: J.R.
I just wanted to inform everyone that I told my Therapist that Male Survivor recommended 'Victims No Longer' and asked her opionion on it. She said she never heard of it, but she would read it, and let me know what she thought. Well, she gave me the best reviews possible and said I should finish reading it ASAP.

Must be a really good book then!

J.R.


Aside from thinking what the hell kind of self-respecting therapist treating CSA survivors *hadn't* read this book through 19 years and two editions, better late than never that she gave the book the thumbs-up.

_________________________
- CBG

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#291341 - 06/12/09 02:43 PM Re: Victims No Longer [Re: ComicBookGuy]
J.R. Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/13/07
Posts: 307
Loc: United States
Well, I think the area I live in, the Center has more female victims that come for services than men, so they are more familiar with the "Courage to Heal" series.

J.R.

_________________________
Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved. -Helen Keller

Top
#292020 - 06/17/09 03:06 AM Re: Victims No Longer [Re: J.R.]
S D Witwicky Offline


Registered: 06/15/09
Posts: 9
Loc: Northern Cali
I bought a used copy off Barnes and Nobles.com two months ago and haven't put it down sense.
It's given me the courage to continue getting help so I highly recommend it.

_________________________
Fate rarely calls upon us at a moment of our choosing.
-Optimus Prime. ROTF

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#301487 - 09/03/09 02:27 PM Re: Victims No Longer [Re: S D Witwicky]
justplainme Offline


Registered: 09/01/09
Posts: 318
buying that book was the first step of my recovery. do it , its a solid piece of unbiased informaation of we survivors.

_________________________

"Survivors need an opportunity to define their own sexuality in their own terms, rather than in reaction to the abuse, so that they stop allowing their offenders to have power over them sexually."

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#301530 - 09/03/09 08:40 PM Re: Victims No Longer [Re: justplainme]
king tut Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/08
Posts: 2466
Loc: UK
I have been reviewing many survivor books over the last two weeks and Victims No Longer sure is a really good book (as i already knew). I assisted Mike Lew when we set up a workshop over here back in January and he really does know how to work with survivors, he is not just a faceless professional of some kind. He is really caring and everything he does he does because he really cares.

When i get chance i will put up a little list of some of the books which i spent time reviewing and which i thought were top quality. There is a group of books that, in my opinion, are really good and deserve a mention here.

I had a chance to look through lots of books and there were some which were really no good (actually damaging to a survivor- and it wasn't a matter of things in it being just inaccurate but being wrong and complete rubbish fundamentally and often contradictory) which presented themselves as classic bestsellers written by experienced people so really be careful about the books you choose. Some books are written, basically, to big up the author, and the mix of good and completely bad information in those kind of books are dangerous to a survivor starting out.

Mike Lew is an author that you can trust!

_________________________
"...until lambs become lions"

I love you, little lewis, and i will never leave you. We are the same. You brighten my day, and i will make sure that i brighten yours. Hugs and kisses.


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#302340 - 09/09/09 03:44 PM Re: Victims No Longer [Re: king tut]
alexey Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 08/16/05
Posts: 1674
Loc: Moscow, Russia
Hi, J.R.,

This is a great book. I read it and I reread it partially. It was a very powerful reading. I recommend this book, but it can be too informative, making it a table book for long time to read.

Peace,
Alexey

_________________________
(\__/)
(='.'=)
E[:]|||||[:]3
(")_(")
--------
When you feel all alone and unhappy, turn to you Inner Child and talk to Him.
You will see He can comfort you like nothing else!

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