Newest Members
Green_Lantern, Safe11ride, WillWins, neophiliac, Jerone
12118 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
archie chisholm (61), Carlos418 (37), courtney (52), kurotake (55), lostsoul (63), Lukesgirl (28), michael banks (2014), Steffon (42)
Who's Online
5 registered (peroperic2009, pete1973, 3 invisible), 55 Guests and 16 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12118 Members
73 Forums
62512 Topics
438095 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 1 of 3 1 2 3 >
Topic Options
#288865 - 05/26/09 01:28 AM Teddy Bears
blueshift Offline
Guest

Registered: 01/21/08
Posts: 1242
Loc: infinity
How do you guys feel about teady bears? I have weird mixed feelings about them.

I had a really bad nightmare the other day and my friend/housemate heard me screaming and came in to comfort me. He gave me my teady bear to hold and part of me felt comforted by it but part of me felt embarrassed.

I feel childish... even though it's actually childish to feel that way! No irony there! But it makes me feel weak somehow too... like somehow not holding a teady bear is more courageous and manly. I can't believe how much BS I've internalized and how deeply I internalized it!



_________________________
My Story
My Art

Top
#288880 - 05/26/09 06:45 AM Re: Teddy Bears [Re: blueshift]
christianfather Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/04/08
Posts: 116
Loc: TN
My T actually has be sleeping with my teddy bear that I had as a child from my childhood. It's the same bear I had during the abuse and the only thing I could tell the terrible secrets to during the abuse. When I have nightmares it brings me comfort during the aftermath just holding and hugging him until I fall asleep.


Top
#288887 - 05/26/09 08:14 AM Re: Teddy Bears [Re: christianfather]
king tut Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/08
Posts: 2465
Loc: UK
I told my teddy too, the only person that i could tell too, i started drawing a picture but i never finished it, i just did a light outline. I will finish it when i have time.

I hope it isn't triggering or anything. Trigger warning just in case.




I think it is ok to have a teddy, Doug. I mean, i know it doesn't feel very manly to still have a teddy, but it has deep emotional connections, and that's just how it is.

_________________________
"...until lambs become lions"

I love you, little lewis, and i will never leave you. We are the same. You brighten my day, and i will make sure that i brighten yours. Hugs and kisses.


Top
#288896 - 05/26/09 08:52 AM Re: Teddy Bears [Re: king tut]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2430
Loc: TEXAS
Hi all.

Just awsome king tut.

But to beg your pardon............. but I got a .......stuffed MOOSE. Oh I bought him at 70 yrs old, to hang on to at my WOR in Georgia.

Heal well my brothers/friends.

Pete (Irishmoose)

_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


Top
#288901 - 05/26/09 09:35 AM Re: Teddy Bears [Re: petercorbett]
DannyT Offline
Member

Registered: 09/14/03
Posts: 402
There's all kinds of love in the world, Doug. Teddy deserves some, too. wink I feel bad for people who lose their friends (of any kind) and don't have them to turn to. When we're little we have the power to grant life in a way we generally lose as we get older. I think one lucky bit of our abuse is this ability to maintain that power when get older, maybe because we get a bit stuck in childhood (so many posts about this here). That's good, too, not just bad. We get the positive with the negative.

Teddy is still alive for you. That's a blessing.

The embarrassment comes from our culture telling us (abused or not) to grow up: when growing up means dropping imagination for reality (the kind of science reality that kills mystery).

I'd rather have the mystery. And the friends. The idea of them not being alive anymore brings tears to my eyes.

Danny



Edited by DannyT (05/26/09 09:37 AM)

Top
#288916 - 05/26/09 12:18 PM Re: Teddy Bears [Re: DannyT]
JustScott Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/27/08
Posts: 2568
I have a teddy. My wife sometimes makes me feels embarrased about having it, but I think it's more to do with the fact, that sometimes, just like a little kid, he (the teddy) and I talk and even have whole conversations together :-)

Not that I'm seriously talking to anyone but myself, but sometimes it's just fun to let go and be a little kid again.

:-)


Top
#288919 - 05/26/09 12:42 PM Re: Teddy Bears [Re: JustScott]
Gus Bierer Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 09/16/05
Posts: 160
hi


i have a teddy bear too. He's about 4 inches tall but he is so irresistable. He's got his arms and legs splayed like he's ready to give a hug.


It's little things like this that break up the insanity. When i get to worried about work or how i'm going to pay my bills. I stop for a second and look at that bear, that offers nothing but love.



Gus

_________________________
My Story

Top
#288920 - 05/26/09 01:04 PM Re: Teddy Bears [Re: Gus Bierer]
TJ jeff Offline

Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/07/04
Posts: 3354
Loc: Northern Wisconsin
absolutely nothing wrong at all in having a stuffed animal at any age Doug - we have been through a lot - sometimes there is just that inner part of us that needs to be comforted (the inner child) - and the best way to do that sometimes is through a teddy bear - why a stuffed animal you ask??? - well... I don't know your past so I can only answer for myself... but... a stuffed animal was just about the only "safe" thing that did'nt hurt me as a child - and even though I'm now much older there is still a part of me that really needs that "safe" feeling sometimes

there are other threads throughout the site where we have talked about teddy bears (or just stuffed animals in general) - perhaps if you do a search (link at top of page) of the site it will help you to see that it is a very normal thing for us as survivors to have stuffed animals

Lewis - they say a picture is worth a thousand words - but your drawing is worth more words than I could ever say - thank you for sharing it with us - it speaks so very much to my own past

_________________________
Who will cry for the little boy? - I will... - Antwone Fisher

Abuse happens in silence/isolation - Recovery happens only when that silence/isolation is broken...

TJ's History

Top
#288922 - 05/26/09 01:21 PM Re: Teddy Bears [Re: TJ jeff]
lars3229 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/03/08
Posts: 800
Loc: Iowa
My teddy bear is often the one thing that can orient me after a nightmare or flashback. It really helps having it nearby.

Is it embarrassing? I supposed if I was somewhere with a bunch of non-survivors I might be a bit embarrassed about sleeping with my teddy bear, but then again.... who cares? It gets me through the night and quite frankly, that's more important to me than what anyone else might think.

My advice? Keep your teddy bear close and don't be afraid of the comfort it offers. Hang in there bro.

_________________________
You may trod me
in the very dirt
But still,
like dust,
I'll rise.

-Maya Angelou

"I quite often remember to forget these sorts of things."
-Winnie the Pooh, The Tigger Movie

Top
#288954 - 05/26/09 05:29 PM Re: Teddy Bears [Re: king tut]
christianfather Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/04/08
Posts: 116
Loc: TN
King Tut,

These sketching's are great.


Top
#288963 - 05/26/09 06:16 PM Re: Teddy Bears [Re: christianfather]
christianfather Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/04/08
Posts: 116
Loc: TN
Meet Gene, my Teddy


Top
#288968 - 05/26/09 06:37 PM Re: Teddy Bears [Re: christianfather]
Riley Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/11/09
Posts: 597
Loc: USA
I was cutting cement all day and the first thing I did when I got home was pick up my stuffed tiger and give him a big ole hug. Now he's covered in cement dust but it made me feel a thousand times better.

I tell people at work that I have a stuffed tiger named Hobbes and they get a kick out of it. Most of them will admit to having some sort of fuzzy comforting item, whether it's a teddy, a blanket, or a certain pair of pajama pants. I think most people have fuzzy comfortables but will never admit it.


Top
#289006 - 05/27/09 12:05 AM Re: Teddy Bears [Re: Riley]
Jaifian Offline


Registered: 05/26/09
Posts: 220
Loc: washington state, USA
Thanx for the feedback guys. BTW, for anyone confused, I started this thread as "blueshift" but changed my account for better internet privacy and am now Jaifian.

I will try to feel better about my bear. He's actually more of a dog.

I had the same issue with crying but I got over that almost too well, so I guess I can get over the teady thing.

I made a funny video with my teady dog a few months ago. It's on u tube, but I'm debating with myself about posting the link.

I'm thinking a masturbating teady bear movie probably wouldn't be appropriate to post a link to here, but my friends all howled when I showed it to them! grin








Edited by Jaifian (09/08/09 12:10 PM)

Top
#289007 - 05/27/09 12:07 AM Re: Teddy Bears [Re: Jaifian]
Jaifian Offline


Registered: 05/26/09
Posts: 220
Loc: washington state, USA
BTW, I love your artwork, Lewis! Your simple style is really elloquent. I hope you entered something into that survivor art show they had a few months ago. I was going to but didn't get to it.




Edited by Jaifian (09/08/09 12:11 PM)

Top
#290561 - 06/06/09 08:41 PM Re: Teddy Bears [Re: Jaifian]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Your drawing is wonderful, Lewis. And the caption says it all. All this is so important in the good work you are doing towards your recovery.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#290759 - 06/08/09 10:30 AM Re: Teddy Bears [Re: Riley]
jls Offline


Registered: 03/06/09
Posts: 1142
Hi Riley,

I have a real live Hobbes living with me in the form of an orange cat, whom I get great comfort from. Mind you I don't hug him too hard. He doesn't seem to like that:)

_________________________
Love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world.


Top
#290814 - 06/08/09 05:08 PM Re: Teddy Bears [Re: jls]
Riley Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/11/09
Posts: 597
Loc: USA
Haha, thats awesome jls. Is he a smart ass like Calvins buddy.


Top
#290841 - 06/08/09 09:34 PM Re: Teddy Bears [Re: Riley]
jls Offline


Registered: 03/06/09
Posts: 1142
He's a big time smart ass. Funny thing is if I knew how his personality was going to develop I would have named him Calvin rather than Hobbes, given how hyperactive he is. That's an orange cat for you I guess.

_________________________
Love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world.


Top
#291377 - 06/13/09 12:46 AM Re: Teddy Bears [Re: jls]
G5 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/12/04
Posts: 203
Loc: New Jersey
Pooh bear is with me every night.....and sometimes attends my group meetings.
If someone is visiting, I tend to hide him on a shelf in the closet for fear of embarassment.

Chris

_________________________
WoR Kirkridge '08
WoR Alta Advanced '09
International Conference '10, '12
Oprah 200
PA Support Group
WoR Alta Advanced '12
"Silence Buster"

Top
#291385 - 06/13/09 01:22 AM Re: Teddy Bears [Re: G5]
Shadow+Walker Offline


Registered: 04/16/09
Posts: 287
Loc: desolate foggy nights, USA
Jaifian,
Thanks for asking this question in your post. In answer, I think it is reasonable and healthy to nurture the sensitive side of our characters. (Especially after all, we have been through.) We have already been tough enough to get through the SA in the first place. I don't think you have any thing that you need to prove to anybody.

I said this before in "off topic: teddybears" and I shall quote myself for the benefit of this conversation.
"Nothing wrong with a teddy bear or any other stuffed animal. On a rather deep emotional level it is very comforting and healing. When we are young we use items like this to practice showing care, compassion, and nurturing. As we age we redirect those skills toward pets, and other humans. However, nothing says that we must give up those items. When I first started dealing with my CSA, I was twenty years old and I felt the need to have a small stuffed animal. I went to a store and bought a cheap racoon stuffed animal. I stood there and chose which one I wanted. I got some funny looks - this rough lookin dude on his way home from the factory buyin a stuffed animal. I loved it - it messed with their minds. I told the cashier I was "doing something nice for somebody." I didnt have to tell her it was me.

I later found my teddy bear in storage over at my parents' house (I had moved out when I was 18). It was mine since I was 3. I still have it. It is 38 years old now. I have a rubber ducky that sits on the dash of my car (and yes, it squeaks).

My family bought me a "Webkinz" owl (they know I like owls), which I use as my avatar.

I spend my day showing compassion to people in need and then nurturing my family; and still appreciate having a soft stuffed animal (or 4 or 5) around. I am a notably mature professional, husband and father; someone would be hard pressed to identify a negative trait here."

...and yes, sometimes I do play games on "Webkins".

Peace,
Shadow+Walker

_________________________
For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, love and self discipline. (St Paul, 2Timothy 1:7) NIV

Check out a cool song by a hot band..."Unbreakable" by Fireflight: official video at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pWRJAHaOrYg

Top
#291396 - 06/13/09 09:11 AM Re: Teddy Bears [Re: Shadow+Walker]
mrd Offline


Registered: 04/01/09
Posts: 28
Hello Brother

To me having a teddy ( cat, moose, ect..) is one of our few moments of honest commuication. If we take a truthful look at most of our interactions with people it's laced in lies. Not excluding parent, grands, wifes, children. pastors, bosses, co workers, friends. even ourselfs. We are alway tring to fit in and it seems to do that we have to create something that is not. So we lose another peice of ourself. While in reality we live not only what we really are but through the confusion the lies create. So that teddy is a large peice of peace I so desperatly seek. As I strive to be more truthful everyday, and not so truthful I enjoy my truthful talks with my teddy.

Love to you all
mrd

_________________________
Ignorance is the most dangerous element in human society.

Top
#291404 - 06/13/09 11:07 AM Re: Teddy Bears [Re: mrd]
Jaifian Offline


Registered: 05/26/09
Posts: 220
Loc: washington state, USA
I kind of have a hard time bringing things to life with my imagination the way I used to.

I kind of did that with an old Plymouth Valliant I drove for about ten years and grew fond of. It became more than just a machine to me.. it was also a friend I took care of and who took care of me in a way too-- getting me where I needed to go.

When I lost it to an impound about a year ago I felt like I had let down a good friend. It was a really hard time for me emotionally and the only way I could deal with it was to remind myself that it was after all just a machine. frown




Edited by Jaifian (09/08/09 12:11 PM)

Top
#291455 - 06/13/09 06:15 PM Re: Teddy Bears [Re: Jaifian]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6708
Loc: USA
How about this? (this is not mine)




Allen

pufferfish


Top
#291457 - 06/13/09 06:21 PM Re: Teddy Bears [Re: pufferfish]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16263
I've got three stuffed "aminals" (as opposed to "animals" that are real). I Lion I named Tut, a dog appropriately enough looking sorta like, and named after Snoopy, and a real, genuine Teddy bear I made myself at "Build-A-Bear Workshop" with a heart and everything. He's got on nice black slacks, a black vest, white shirt, and a black tie! His name is "Little J".

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

Top
#291486 - 06/13/09 09:53 PM Re: Teddy Bears [Re: WalkingSouth]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Doug,

One thing we need to do as survivors is offload the very harmful ideas that all boys learn. Things like: I mustn't cry, I can't show weakness, I have to be in control, I must always be the decisive guy who knows what to do, etc.

The reality is that anyone will feel vulnerable, weak, lost, confused, etc., given certain circumstances. By feeling that this doesn't apply to us, just because we are males, we are denying some basic areas of our humanity.

This is something that Mike Lew stresses in his Victims No Longer, and it's also the topic of detailed discussion in William Pollack's Real Boys, where he calls all this judgmental and harmful thinking the "boy code" and trashes it piece by piece. Well worth reading, and these days a copy on Amazon's marketplace can be had for a very low price.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#291560 - 06/14/09 01:20 PM Re: Teddy Bears [Re: roadrunner]
Jaifian Offline


Registered: 05/26/09
Posts: 220
Loc: washington state, USA
I hate those things where I know better but feel something anyway-- like the teady bear thing. I know it's a load of hoey that it's not manly to hug a teady bear, but I still find myself feeling that way anyway.

I'm getting over it though. I have a role model that I think of to help inspire me to overcome it. Several months ago I saw a young boy about 12 wearing a pink t shirt that said "Tough guys wear pink." . Even though pink isn't as taboo as it used to be when I was his age, I still felt a lot of admiration for him to see him wearing that.

Somehow thinking about him makes it easier.

Well here's a pic of my two teadys. One is a build a bear like walkingsouth has and one is one I fished out of a trashcan. It was clean but needed mending so I salvaged it. The two kind or remind me of the pc guy and mac guy in the mac commercials-- one's cute and hip and the other one's dorky looking.(but in a lovable way.) lol










Edited by Jaifian (09/08/09 12:12 PM)

Top
Page 1 of 3 1 2 3 >


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.