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#28861 - 10/13/04 09:27 PM Did you tell? tttt
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
When I was abused, the police were alerted, it was reported, but like any other shame ridden kid, I maybe watered down what the sick fuck really did.

The cop who interviewed me shown me all the E-fits. Got through two of the books he shown me, and just couldn't go any further, if you look at this, I suppose to an 11yo, I thought? How many of these monsters are out there? They must be everywhere!!!

After about a month passing, I waited, thinking? Hey, someone is bound to come and help me in this mess, I can't really tell anyone, no-one will listen. I needed someone to talk to. Alas, nobody came so it just turned into a sickness.

Had a mental breakdown at 12, maybe they put it down to stress of school, tiredness!!! Hmmmmm, we all know that one.

Nobody on the outside can really comprehend the hardships we faced through childhood, I wanted to smash everything, but I didn't, I just bottled it all up and got on with it.

The reason for this post is. Why, were we not given help when it would benefit us most, when it is still raw, and doing so much damage?

I am conscious that a lot of guys in here, never told, and I can see the reasons why, but it really makes me feel sad to know that, even when you do tell, you don't get professional help.

We should have all the help we need. Free at source, it was never our faults, but we are so victimised in every way.

If there are so many silent victims out there, then Governments should put money into facilities to deal with what society has done to us. There are loads of rape crisis centres for women, not so many for men or boys.

Then again, we should just be man enough and accept it. The, you must have been somewhat at fault for letting it happen syndrome comes to mind. Imagine saying that to a woman. I don,t think so.

It really hurts to think, that I should have been given help when it happened, because I told!!!
It was treated like toothache, at least the pain of that can be releived without leaving such a scar \:\(

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#28862 - 10/13/04 09:47 PM Re: Did you tell? tttt
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
R. You are oh so right. We are 25 years behind women when it comes to help for us. Governments and Society in general seem not to care. Is it because the perps for the most part come from the normal society and they are just protecting their own. I do not have the answer.

But I do know that if enough of us with MaleSurvivor make a big enough stink and get in their faces we may force them to action.

I really hope that in the not too far distant future a young person will do what you did and there will be prompt action and justice and that there is someone there for him to start the healing process.

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#28863 - 10/14/04 11:56 AM Re: Did you tell? tttt
jwwells Offline
Member

Registered: 09/10/04
Posts: 34
Loc: Ontario
The lack of help for men, regardless of what the form of help is or for what reason is a massive problem throughout the first-world. It is a reason to be ashamed of our societies.... I'm sorry you got caught up in it.

There is now hope. More and more men are standing up, are speaking up. Bob Geldof, the musician / activist, is now speaking up against the massive problems faced by men in divorce situations. Eminem, the rapper, is now a father-with-custody and in spite of his rather strange music, he is getting out the owrd that dads can make a difference when mom abuses the kid(s).

In the same way, a man molested as a child, who is now famous WILL step forward.

We can now say with some assurance that the first toddering steps of a real men's movement have started. There is a long way to go and the opposition are quite willing to use violence, but there is now enough force and will coming from men. We will proceed to have our voices heard.

Young mothers are now screaming about the hate filled, anti-boy, system which we call a public school system. They will support us all.

Now?

Stand up. Make your voice clearly heard in any and all areas of life. Scream out. Write letters to every paper. Write government leaders. Do not expect to be heard, not yet. But do know that soon, very soon, your voice too will be heard.

There is healing in saying "I will no longer stand to be ignored!" There is power in the honorable role of activist. There is new growth in saying "I will not tolerate any longer the process of ignoring the needs of boys and men. I will not allow bigots to say that men and boys are not human enough to be worthy of help." Don't forget for even a second that the opposition do believe, for complex reasons, that you and I are not sufficiently human to deserve help.... THAT MUST CHANGE! Do not hate them, their own hatred of us causes enough damage. Pray for them instead.

jw

_________________________
Say what you mean: Mean what you say.
Whatever you say: Say it with love.
The Moody Blues: Keys to the Kingdom

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#28864 - 10/14/04 03:18 PM Re: Did you tell? tttt
Archnut Offline
Member

Registered: 10/26/02
Posts: 343
Loc: United Kingdom
Tell your story as a blog educate people as to what actually goes on, scream about the lack of resources, rant about the justice system there in The USA or here in the UK. Flood the web with our expeieneces and believe me people WILL pick up on it.

I know its happening to me and my ramblings at the moment.

Lets just say I am meeting with an Executive Producer of a media company here in the UK a week on Friday who interested in my story which has only been up as a blog for the last three months at the most. I dreamt that this would happen, but thought no who wants to know about me a recovering drunk and addict, Rent Boy, abusive husband, mature student, aprt time archaeologist ... ... obviuosly someone wants to know.

Archnut


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#28865 - 10/14/04 03:46 PM Re: Did you tell? tttt
dwf Offline
Moderator/BoD Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/24/03
Posts: 1223
Loc: Austin, Texas USA
To answer your question:

No, I didn't tell.

Not with words. And when there's no one around to notice that a young boy is feeling confused, frightened and neglected that means the other way of 'telling': by changes in behavior and mood or attitude go unheard too.

Instead I developed coping skills that masked the effects of the abuse.

Only after giving up those methods of coping, in my case they were drug and alcohol abuse, was I able to begin to acknowledge myself what had really happened.

The abuse started when I was 15.

I wasn't able to acknowledge it until I was 40 years old, with two years of sobriety under my belt.

So that's 25 years of not telling.

But I eventually did tell. And that has made all the difference.

A wise man once said "We neither regret the past, nor wish to shut the door on it. Instead we begin to see how our experience can benefit others...."

That's where I am today.

Thanks,

_________________________
"Poke salad Annie, 'gators got you granny
Everybody said it was a shame
'Cause her mama was aworkin' on the chain-gang"

-Tony Joe White

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#28866 - 10/14/04 05:35 PM Re: Did you tell? tttt
Dan88 Offline
Member

Registered: 08/07/02
Posts: 247
Loc: DC
I guess I did tell and I didn't tell. As a kid, I did not. When I was about 14, I just started spending as much time as I could out of my home and ran away from it all. The perp didn't want much to do with me by that time anyway. Later, when I was 22 or 23, the perp was under investigation by the welfare department involving another kid. A private investigator got in touch with my family. I decided I couldn't stand by any longer. I psyched myself up and went down to see them and told them the story. Later, they had me repeat it to a state police officer. And not a damn thing happened.

I didn't get any help out of it, which I didn't really expect or request. And the state didn't go after him. I checked back with them twice and it was clear they wanted me to just go away. They told me my case was too old to act on. And that's all they would say. But in all honesty, I didn't push it. I didn't want to dredge it up either. It's interesting that this is bringing up memories that I had forgotten. I remember the state cop talking to me. Up until then, cops and I did not often have friendly conversations. He was an older guy. He was really nice. He tried to build me up. He knew about my record and gave me a big atta boy for getting straightened out. Said to look at all I had going for myself. And told me that I should really just try to forget the ugly crap from the past and go forward in life. I don't think he was trying to brush me off, I think he really meant well. Just didn't know any better. Oh well.


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#28867 - 10/14/04 11:08 PM Re: Did you tell? tttt
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
mikey,

I think if we all caused a stink wherever people will listen and know how much real hurt there is, people would listen, we need to relive out story, and our experiences of what it really is like being the eternal victim, for people to really understand what went on in our lives, when we really did not have the capacity to cope with this.

It must be so hard just to be a kid, without all this crap to contend with, hopefully we become stronger throughout the struggle.

I hope one day we are heard, I for one, will not let my struggle pass without notice.

JW,

we will be heard one day, but it takes us to make the step in life, we don't suffer so much to be not heared, we need to show the public how much it really hurts, and how much real suffering we have had to endure.

We need to explode the myth, that somehow it was our fault

We need the public to really know how hard it is for a kid to go through a life like this, and to not ever know what his life should have been.

Dan,

I hope you can make a positive input to the media, and explode the myth, let people know what really goes on, as for the blog, I am working on it.

Danny,

Maybe we cross paths here, because I was abused so young, must have exhibited sexually tendencies before I knew what sex was, just thought it was natural, but I did know anything else, other than what I learned in my early years.

You can surely identify with that.

Dan88,

sorry you had to go through the ultimate in betrayal, as the law never got to convict the perp who did it to you, is this not the ultimate act of betrayal?

The worst thing I could ever think about, was, if he was ever caught, and me being in court having to testify, and he gets away with it, because!!!!

Who's gonna believe a kid?????????????????????????

I would.

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#28868 - 10/14/04 11:49 PM Re: Did you tell? tttt
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Ste
my abuse was 'discovered' when the headmaster forced an admission out of me about what happened the day I was raped by a gang of older boys.

Naturally he interviewed them, but they stuck together and in the end it was my lone word against all of theirs.
So I got punished for lying...

TRIGGER WARNING.

All he had to do was get me seen by the school matron, call in a doctor, or just get me to remove my trousers. I was bleeding, how much evidence did he need?
But by that time the bastard had made his mind up, cover it up and protect his pathetic reputation.

CARRY ON READING..

As for telling the world about the suffering of boys and men, it's something I believe is getting better - slowly. But there's still much work to be done.
We owe a great deal to the early feminists, however much we might see them as an easy target to make fun of. The abiding memory might be of women burning their bra's, but that was a clever idea that made the male dominated society take notice
CHEAP LAUGH ALERT
"Well we would take notice wouldn't we?"

They blazed a path through more than prejudice against women, they cast aside so many of societies double standards and bullshit. They opened doors, and we shouldn't be too proud to not rush through behind them.

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#28869 - 10/15/04 08:33 AM Re: Did you tell? tttt
Oz Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 10/05/04
Posts: 21
Loc: Australia
I told straight away and started looking for help straight away. I knew if I didn't then I would kill myself and as hopeless as everything seemed I still wanted to live. I told my friend (only because he was there with me), the Police and my family. It was THE most embarrassing thing ever but I knew it had to be done. I too didn't tell the whole story to the cops of what the guy tried to do to me, but it made no difference, he was never caught.

_________________________
Woman, thou art loosed from thine infirmity Luke 13:12

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#28870 - 10/18/04 12:52 PM Re: Did you tell? tttt
phoster Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/21/03
Posts: 758
Loc: ohio
i didnt tell, but the signs were there if my parents hadnt chose to go into total denial. twice within a year they caught me acting out. it was a loud cry for help, which they chose to ignore.

_________________________
compassion is a light even to the darkest soul

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