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#289343 - 05/29/09 06:49 AM Re: How do you believe in God after CSA??????????????? [Re: Freedom49]
didi Offline


Registered: 07/12/08
Posts: 165
Loc: USA
Roger,

You are right. I should really look back and see how far he has come since this happened. Sure, he has his set backs; however, they are NEW set backs. The old ones come less and less and with less potency(if that made any sense)

When he first disclosed he was scared all of the time and of everything. He trusts me, he trusts his therapist and he is opening up more as well.

Thank you for your response!

Take care,
Didi

_________________________
Raising children who have been loaned to us for a brief moment outranks every other responsibility!

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#289345 - 05/29/09 07:53 AM Re: How do you believe in God after CSA??????????????? [Re: didi]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
Didi,

Also Be sure to talk with his T and give him/her feedback on his behavior and his verbalization. There are core needs and issues with this kind of thing that if addressed will take care of some symptoms. Triggers will occur there is no getting around that but if the core fears and issues are addressed in a consistant way then you will see a less intense response to the triggers as time goes on.

Fear, sadness, anger, confusion these are all things core issues. He is six and helpless and totally dependant on adults right now and adult/adults let him down big time. He has you, however, and you have not let him down. You have fought for him to protect him. His feeling that you will be taken away or that something will happen and you can't be there for him is a natural insecurity that many kids have normally from time to time. It is exacerbated by his experience but gentle reasurrance will counter that and if he does not sense amy fear or urgency in you, that will translate to him too eventually. He has a really good mom. He will understand that and really appreciate that especially when he gets older.



Edited by Freedom49 (05/29/09 07:56 AM)

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#289370 - 05/29/09 11:43 AM Re: How do you believe in God after CSA??????????????? [Re: Freedom49]
expom Offline


Registered: 01/06/09
Posts: 123
Loc: Australia
Hi Didi,

I have battled with question long and hard. For what its worth let me tell you how I have come to a place of quietude with God on the matter of Him "allowing" me to violated over a period of 3 years from 9 - 12.

One of my favourite passages of>
_________________________
I endured all my yesterdays. I prevail in all of my todays. I exercise my right to be able to enjoy my tomorrows. I choose not to do it alone.

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#289388 - 05/29/09 02:11 PM Re: How do you believe in God after CSA??????????????? [Re: expom]
didi Offline


Registered: 07/12/08
Posts: 165
Loc: USA
Hello Expom

Thank You for your kind words, I do appreciate them.

It is now my responsibility to get myself to the point where what happened to me is no longer an excuse for the way that I behave or how I react to painful triggers and memories. I am getting there, one painful day at a time.

That is what my son is working on in therapy right now.It is a long painful road for sure, but we are not giving up! We are working through it day by day.


Maybe some day I will have faith in religion again, I am just really angry/sad right now. I do not take religion away from my son and he does believe that it is a miracle that he and his cousin are not dead right now...

Take care,

Didi

_________________________
Raising children who have been loaned to us for a brief moment outranks every other responsibility!

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#289549 - 05/30/09 07:55 PM Re: How do you believe in God after CSA??????????????? [Re: didi]
Anna1988 Offline


Registered: 05/29/09
Posts: 30
Didi,

I did not read all of the posts from others because there are so many. There are a number of people I know who have been sexually abused, including my fiance and myself. To believe in God is not easy.

Something that helps (sometimes) is something I heard in one of my college classes. God is infinite and finite. He is infinite in that He can create and love anything or everything. He is finite in that he cannot control human actions.

While I believe God in infinite in all ways I believe the ability to choose evil is in the human race for a reason. That is, without the ability to choose evil freely one looses the ability to love freely. Sort of like a "free will" thing I have heard on other sites and HATE.

Doubt helps a person to grow. Without doubt we would never explore what we have been taught. Take this dry time to learn all you can to try and answer your questions and it might help.

Good luck.


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#289552 - 05/30/09 08:04 PM Re: How do you believe in God after CSA??????????????? [Re: Anna1988]
didi Offline


Registered: 07/12/08
Posts: 165
Loc: USA
Anna,

Doubt helps a person to grow. Without doubt we would never explore what we have been taught. Take this dry time to learn all you can to try and answer your questions and it might help

Thank you for writing this, it really makes sense!

Take care,

Didi

_________________________
Raising children who have been loaned to us for a brief moment outranks every other responsibility!

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#289613 - 05/30/09 11:52 PM Re: How do you believe in God after CSA??????????????? [Re: didi]
InsideTheWall Offline


Registered: 01/10/09
Posts: 279
This is admittedly coming from a minority secular perspective, but I really don't see how CSA and belief in a higher power have much to do with each other. I mean, I can see why belief in such things could lead to some serious questions about why this happened to you, but as a non-believer, I think dwelling on it is a complete waste of time. It happened because you were vulnerable, and thats it. Its really no more complicated than that; There's no deeper meaning to be found here. The important thing is what you do about it here and now.



Edited by Anonymous (05/30/09 11:55 PM)

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#289743 - 06/01/09 01:30 AM Re: How do you believe in God after CSA??????????????? [Re: InsideTheWall]
cstjude Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/04/08
Posts: 302
Loc: Canada
I agree that there is a reason why these terrible things happen, and that is because some human beings are predators and good ones. They give all the appearance of safety but are, in fact, waiting for the opportunity to strike.

Like Anna, I encourage the exploration of doubt. Like Anon, I agree that a search for a higher significance may ultimately distract from the here and now.

C.

_________________________
C.
Female, Friends & Family Forum Fan

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#289748 - 06/01/09 02:06 AM Re: How do you believe in God after CSA??????????????? [Re: cstjude]
michael banks Offline


Registered: 06/12/08
Posts: 1755
Loc: Mojave Desert, Ca
Anon,

For me It not until that I found my relationship with a God of my own understanding. That any real growth or healing took place in my life.

Mike

_________________________
To own one's shadow is the highest moral act of a human.
-Robert Johnson-

"IT ought never be forgotten that the past is the parent of the future" John C. Calhoun

WOR Alumni Sequoia 2009

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#290157 - 06/03/09 10:51 PM Re: How do you believe in God after CSA??????????????? [Re: michael banks]
InsideTheWall Offline


Registered: 01/10/09
Posts: 279
I'm sorry if my wording was a bit sharp for your tastes Michael. It wasn't meant as an insult to your faith or anyone elses.



Edited by Anonymous (06/03/09 11:15 PM)

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