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#288917 - 05/26/09 12:20 PM Re: How do you believe in God after CSA??????????????? [Re: here4him]
didi Offline


Registered: 07/12/08
Posts: 165
Loc: USA
Believe me, I here you! I always ask myself "Why couldn't this have happened to me?", not a FOUR YEAR OLD!

I suppose that time will tell. My Son believes in God, he says his prayers, I wont take that away from him.

Take care,

Didi

_________________________
Raising children who have been loaned to us for a brief moment outranks every other responsibility!

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#288933 - 05/26/09 03:00 PM Re: How do you believe in God after CSA??????????????? [Re: cstjude]
InsideTheWall Offline


Registered: 01/10/09
Posts: 279
Originally Posted By: cstjude
Didi,

It is difficult for me to write these words. I am so deeply respectful of all the men and families and friends whose faith is part of healing. As an atheist, mine is the minority prespective and I acknowledge that. Nothing I write here is intended to offend any person of faith or to deliberately shake anyone's beliefs. I am simply offering a different perspective in answer to your question, "how do you believe in God after CSA?"

I have never believed in God. I am a confident and secure secular humanist. Therefore, I know it is possible to achieve healing without a theist faith of any kind. I only say this in case you might be feeling that reclaiming your faith is a necessary prerequisite to healing. If, in your journey, you decide that your faith in God is irrevocably lost, healing is still possible.

The question of how evil persists in a world presided over by a deity is a very old one. Epicurus (341-270 BC) posited a very powerful set of questions. Although a pre-Christian philosopher, his questions were applied to the Christian God by many 18th and 19th century thinkers.

If God is willing but not able to eliminate evil, then he is not omnipotent.
If God is able but not willing to eliminate evil, then he is malevolent.
If God is both able and willing to eliminate evil, then why does evil persist?
If God is neither able not willing to eliminate evil, then why call him God?

For me, Epicurus's old questions remain unanswered. I hope that whatever answers you arrive at for yourself bring you peace of mind and stength.

C.
Jude, I come from a similar perspective and I know about the balancing act around Christian friends. While I fully acknowledge that faith can be a powerful healing instrument for many people, I find my strength in rationality.


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#288934 - 05/26/09 03:02 PM Re: How do you believe in God after CSA??????????????? [Re: didi]
cstjude Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/04/08
Posts: 302
Loc: Canada
Didi,

I am in no position to counsel any parent about what to teach their child respecting a belief in God. Your son has a tremendous support in you - a loving and involved mother. If you feel a belief in God is important for his well-being, then you know best. His recovery is all-important and I believe that as he grows older his abilities to question, reason, ponder, and experience all perspectives (believing and non-believing) have the potential to contribute as much to his recovery as a belief in God.

With respect for your beliefs and your love for your son,

C.

_________________________
C.
Female, Friends & Family Forum Fan

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#288935 - 05/26/09 03:09 PM Re: How do you believe in God after CSA??????????????? [Re: InsideTheWall]
cstjude Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/04/08
Posts: 302
Loc: Canada
Thank you. I find that my atheism leads me - perhaps ironically - to the same concerns as my believing friends. When you decide for yourself that this life is all there is, then it becomes intolerable that anyone's life is touched by pain, abuse, or neglect. For me, the atheist perspective awakened a fundamental love of life and of this world and all my fellow travellers. I recall a Galilean carpenter saying much the same thing about loving neighbours and the like... smile

C.

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C.
Female, Friends & Family Forum Fan

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#288938 - 05/26/09 03:40 PM Re: How do you believe in God after CSA??????????????? [Re: cstjude]
InsideTheWall Offline


Registered: 01/10/09
Posts: 279
Originally Posted By: cstjude
Thank you. I find that my atheism leads me - perhaps ironically - to the same concerns as my believing friends.
I've found that in life too. I've had conservative Christians as friends and don't mind meeting more. The man I look up to most, Booker T Washington, was a Christian.

Originally Posted By: cstjude
When you decide for yourself that this life is all there is, then it becomes intolerable that anyone's life is touched by pain, abuse, or neglect.
Not expecting a second life is a powerful motivator for me, and here I'm only going to get so many second chances. To meet someone here with such an unabashedly secular perspective is very uplifting to me, even if I will always be polite to Christians. We know the drill. grin


Originally Posted By: cstjude
For me, the atheist perspective awakened a fundamental love of life and of this world and all my fellow travellers. I recall a Galilean carpenter saying much the same thing about loving neighbours and the like... smile

C.
There's many sources for that kind of stuff, but we should talk about them over time instead if hijacking this thread. We'll talk though.


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#288939 - 05/26/09 03:45 PM Re: How do you believe in God after CSA??????????????? [Re: cstjude]
didi Offline


Registered: 07/12/08
Posts: 165
Loc: USA
Anonymous & cstjude,

Jude, I come from a similar perspective and I know about the balancing act around Christian friends. While I fully acknowledge that faith can be a powerful healing instrument for many people, I find my strength in rationality

At this point in my life I completely agree with this.
I am my child's best advocate! If I am here for him doing the research night after night, taking him to therapy, buying the healing books, keeping his mind busy with sports, questioning The Prosecutors Office, LISTENING to him, questioning the Dr's and so on, THAT is all my reality and THAT gives me strength.

No one else is going to do it for me. I always say "If you are looking for a helping hand, look at the end of your arm!"

Take care,

Didi

_________________________
Raising children who have been loaned to us for a brief moment outranks every other responsibility!

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#288942 - 05/26/09 04:01 PM Re: How do you believe in God after CSA??????????????? [Re: didi]
InsideTheWall Offline


Registered: 01/10/09
Posts: 279
I'm glad I spoke up. grin


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#288943 - 05/26/09 04:07 PM Re: How do you believe in God after CSA??????????????? [Re: InsideTheWall]
cstjude Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/04/08
Posts: 302
Loc: Canada
Me too. Feel free anyone to PM on these topics or to start a new thread. But Anon is right, the conversation can continue outside Didi's thread.

Thanks for your patience Didi! And you are your child's best chance for recovery! You go girl.

C.

_________________________
C.
Female, Friends & Family Forum Fan

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#289297 - 05/28/09 08:21 PM Re: How do you believe in God after CSA??????????????? [Re: Freedom49]
didi Offline


Registered: 07/12/08
Posts: 165
Loc: USA
I love that analogy about wet cement, it makes sense.

I read all of the literature about helping them when they are young and how it makes a big difference, however, it is tough sometimes. It is like I dont see the lights at the end of the tunnel for him and it makes me REALLY depressed.

I am trying to do and say all of the correct things, but just watching him go through this is beyond words. He looks to me for the answers but who on earth has the answers as to why this happens? Trust me, I am VERY strong for him, in front of him.I never let him see what this is doing to me, that would be harmful for sure.

Thanks for listening....

Take care,

Didi

_________________________
Raising children who have been loaned to us for a brief moment outranks every other responsibility!

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#289324 - 05/29/09 12:51 AM Re: How do you believe in God after CSA??????????????? [Re: didi]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
Didi,
you are doing all the right things for him. Right now he need a rock to anchor to in the midst of all of this and that rock has to be you. It will take a lot of time but you will see results. Don't allow that cement to harden with that terrible gouge of mistrust, betrayal, and pain in it. Teach him that he can trust you, you will not betray him and you will not hurt him.

Yes there are bad people in the world who do bad things. There are slso wonderful people in the world who help people that bad things have happened to. Teach him to trust his gut and his instincts. If something, someone, or some situation FEELS unsaafe, then it just might be and you need to right now and find you safe adult friends. Teach him to trust himself and to trust you. That alone will heal a great deal.

Roger


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