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#288245 - 05/20/09 10:44 PM How do you believe in God after CSA???????????????
didi Offline


Registered: 07/12/08
Posts: 165
Loc: USA
I was raised a Catholic. After my son and nephew were abused, I just cant find it in me to believe that a God actually exists. Why would he allow this to happen? If God is "all knowing" and "watching over us" how does this happen? I look in the mirror every night and search for an answer to this and I find NONE! There is NO excuse for a child to be sexually abused PERIOD! How is it possible to believe in a God that was supposedly "all knowing" and "watching over" my child and every child and this happen?

I do understand that some of you put thier faith in God to heal, and with all do respect, I really just do not get it at all.

Didi

_________________________
Raising children who have been loaned to us for a brief moment outranks every other responsibility!

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#288264 - 05/21/09 01:27 AM Re: How do you believe in God after CSA??????????????? [Re: didi]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
Didi,

I have recently been coming to the conclusion that I have had hidden anger toward God for my abuse. I think it is common for "survivors" and their loved ones to have this. Maybe it would be surprising if we didn't.

I have about a dozen unread books on the subject of why God allows suffering. I have started reading a bunch of them and then put them down because they didn't seem to answer my heart's cry. It may be something that every individual has to find their way out of.

It seems that it comes naturally to children to trust, unless they have been hurt. Then that childish trust becomes more or less tarnished. This is too bad, but it seems to be reality.

One thing that might be said is that there is a cosmic war in progress. Read the book of Job in the Bible. It is in many places in the Bible. There is a real, evil powerful personality who opposes God's goodness and seeks to destroy His children. God gets blamed for the deeds of the malevolent one.

Allen

pufferfish whistle


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#288284 - 05/21/09 08:12 AM Re: How do you believe in God after CSA??????????????? [Re: pufferfish]
Marissa Offline


Registered: 05/06/08
Posts: 67
Hi, Didi -

I can only imagine how you feel - my DH was abused and i know how I feel about that - I can't imagine if it were my son!

Anyway - I guess my feelings about God or a lack thereof came about as a result of a spiritual journey, not the CSA journey.

I should add a disclaimer that my journey was brought about by my working through my own issues of spiritual abuse in a fundamentalist religious cult. So I tend to be a bit jaded... :O)

I just don't believe that there is a God up there that is all interested in and watching my life. I don't think "God" is anything like what Christianity purports - I think of it more in terms of science - that there is most likely some sort of interconnectedness between our universe and all the other life out there. An energy of some sort...that we can all tap into...

IMHO, the reason folks get angry with God is because we have been lead to believe that He is actually up there watching our every move and intervening to lay out "His Plan" accordingly. Then when something bad happens - you can't grasp why on earth God would allow that if he was so great and wonderful....maybe because "He" doesn't exist the way "He" has been defined by religion? Maybe because our life happens by chance? And by our own action or lack thereof? Maybe because we don't live in a plastic bubble and have to interact with the world and there are, unfortunately, some really bad people out there?? I'm sure we could question it and ponder it for hours.

...and never know the answer...

I don't know - it's a really difficult issue - leaving my religion was very difficult for me - it was the only framework I had for identifying myself and my place in the world - once I got past the initial crisis of it all - it was very freeing.

I'm still on the journey - I have PTSD from the abuse - still trying to work everything out in my mind. I try hard not to say, "I'm never going to believe THAT again..." and stay really open minded about things.....

I don't know if that helped you *at all*....


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#288329 - 05/21/09 07:16 PM Re: How do you believe in God after CSA??????????????? [Re: Marissa]
Riley Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/11/09
Posts: 597
Loc: USA
Hey didi,

While I'm not overly religious, I do believe in God and I do ask him for help from time to time and I do consider him a part of my life. A friend asked me the very same question about a month ago; how can you believe in a God when he has allowed you to suffer so much.

My response had to do with the fact that I have digged deeper into my soul then anybody should ever have to, I have helped more then one person along my path, and more then one great person has helped me along my path. In the end, in my opinion, I think I will be in a more comfortable place, I will know myself better then I would ever have, had I not been abused. Perhaps that is Gods place for me.

I come on here and I read about all sorts of success story's from people like Trucker, and Pufferfish, and Joel, and a ton of other survivors and that gives me hope. Even though they had to suffer unspeakable abuses they have helped me and a thousand others in their journeys and I hope to do the same one day. Perhaps that is Gods plan for us seemingly forgotten.

That is how I believe in God and that is how I get from one day to the next. Don't get me wrong sometimes I need to repeat it over and over to convince myself of that, but that is the foundation of my faith.

I've mentioned this before and I really think that your son is going to trust you and love you 100 times more because you have proven, without a doubt, that you will be there for him when the times are bad and when the times are good.

I really don't know if that helps, but that is how I believe in God.
Riley


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#288331 - 05/21/09 07:35 PM Re: How do you believe in God after CSA??????????????? [Re: Riley]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
Didi,
God did not ever promise to keep us out of trouble, anguish, pain, terror, suffering of any sort. This is the nature of human existance. It rains on the just and the unjust equally.

What he did promise and cannot lie about is that he would be there with us as we go through the terror pain, trauma etc. and I have a lot of etc. to catalogue.

I can attest to the fact that he has been there for me. He is not unfimiliar with suffering, betrayal, falshood, and the suffering of innocence for no reason. He is working on a bigger plan and asks me simply to trust him that he knows my fear, my pain, my terror, my shame etc. and is going to take care of me and be with me through whatever life brings good, bad or horrible.

He is interested in my soul and my body is expendable in this process not that that he is unfeeling but he has a different agenda than just making me comfortable. He wants to make me into a better person not just a happier person.

It is not an agenda I would have chosen but it is what it is and who can argue with God.

Juat a thought.

R



Edited by Freedom49 (05/21/09 07:37 PM)

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#288342 - 05/21/09 08:16 PM Re: How do you believe in God after CSA??????????????? [Re: Freedom49]
didi Offline


Registered: 07/12/08
Posts: 165
Loc: USA
I would like to thank every one of you for your input on this.
I suppose that time may heal my way of thinking, however, I am deeply troubled when it comes to my religious beliefs at this time.

Every time I witness the children have a trigger or flashback, see the learning problems my son is trying so hard to overcome,the vision issues and more,I feel as though It chips away at my soul.

Take care,

Didi

_________________________
Raising children who have been loaned to us for a brief moment outranks every other responsibility!

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#288350 - 05/21/09 08:45 PM Re: How do you believe in God after CSA??????????????? [Re: didi]
An Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/24/04
Posts: 151
Loc: usa
Didi, with your love and guidance and belief in him , he'll heal. i've not followed every post of yours but intermittently read- hopefully you were able to find the right sort of T for him and aren't taking this all on yourself. Unfortunately F& Fs can't take the place of Ts , just like T's can't take the place of F & F-
Know that you're his light, that he has the wonderful gift of belief and support right when it's MOST powerful- in earliest child right after the trauma- that's huge. the mismessages aren't established patterns for him yet- he doesn't have the years to undo that you hear from so many of the survivors on the board,
your guilt and dismay will be felt by him- I pray you too have found the support you deserve in a T. You're a victim in this too and you can't give healing where you haven't healed yourself as secondary victim. and I want you to be secondary Survivor, Secondary Thriver.

Please be gentler on yourself and know you deserve all the support you strive to give. you may have alrady read "When your child is molested" . it's a little old but basically sound . i discovered it at the library to my surprise. (in the parenting section). Many thoughts and hopes for your feeling more peace and thus being able to provide it the way you want to too, With great admiration for you, An


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#288352 - 05/21/09 08:52 PM Re: How do you believe in God after CSA??????????????? [Re: An]
An Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/24/04
Posts: 151
Loc: usa
and a ps. You probably know anger is one of the first stages of grief. so you're right where you should be. If God is the God you'e believed in, your anger would be understood compassionately and respectfully put in human terms. it's healthy to feel anger now. so don't beat yourself up over that , it's a downhill spiral. i guess i can't say enjoy your anger, but perhaps you can give up any judgement about it. e.g. not feel you have to justify it. Just thoughts and feelings that come to this post but just take whats useful from it and leave the rest behind (guiltlessly smile Peace to you, An


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#288411 - 05/22/09 06:30 AM Re: How do you believe in God after CSA??????????????? [Re: An]
didi Offline


Registered: 07/12/08
Posts: 165
Loc: USA
Hello An,

My son has been in Therapy since this happened, a little over a year now. I also have private therapy with his Therapist.

I suppose you are right about the anger issue right now. Maybe once I get past that a whole new world will open up for us.

Thank You!

Didi

_________________________
Raising children who have been loaned to us for a brief moment outranks every other responsibility!

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#288441 - 05/22/09 10:34 AM Re: How do you believe in God after CSA??????????????? [Re: didi]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
Didi,

I am glad you are getting him some help. Children are very resilient. They are like wet cement that dries as they get older.

An incident like this can leave a huge gaping gouge in their life. If you catch it early and trowl it out with love and validate their feelings it can makd a bid difference.

Not minimizing but not overreacting like it is something that has now damaged them to the point were then are no longer as good as everyone else. Then while that is still mallable you can smooth out the bumps and fill in the crack and they can be ok.

Maybe you will be able to still see the scar, but if done early and well while it is still wet, then perhaps no one else will be able to tell and they can harden in a healthy productive happy way. Getting to them when they are 5 instead of 50 makes a big difference. Just a thought.

R


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