First of all, welcome. You have found a great bunch of guys here. I can't express to you how much they have helped me.
Second, my brief history. My SA started about my 11th birthday and was continuous until I was 20. With some incidents after that. I had a total of five perps, both male and female. At the age 15, I buried my anger/rage, after accidentally injuring my mom seriously. I am just beginning to work it out. I have been through two divorces. My first marriage took its downward spiral after a third trimester miscarriage; I carried the fetus, our baby-to-have-been, to the hospital in my own hands. In some of my deepest long running funk, in my mid-twenties, I did the bookstore routine; in which I was the giver and was physically unable to receive.
Finally to your post,
I got into trouble and ended up in jail for 2yrs
The SA can bring some major anger/rage and you may not realize the intensity. The jail counselor may have hit it right on the head on why you ended up in jail.
I then got married and things were going well then my wife had a miscarraige and was diagnosed with Uterine Cancer
A miscarriage can take a great emotional toll on the parents-to-be and thus the marriage. This is very common. In your case it was complicated by the cancer. This had to have been very difficult on your wife emotionally.
My self esteem is at a all time low
I don’t know you personally, but I’d be willing to bet that you are a good person. Why else would your wife had married you and try to create a family with you. I know it is hard to see the good in yourself in such a funk, I’ve been there and done that.
I am affraid to go to a hospital Mental Health center because of the possible reprecussions...
There are many things set up to keep your treatment confidential. The HIPAA explains the reasons that the information can be released. These include to protect you or someone else from imminent danger, by order of the court, inter-facility use (to make sure the T is giving you the proper care, used in a general context for training, and the such), to bill your insurance company (and this is a general overview and does not contain the details of your discussions, I personally review all notes back to my insurance company and okay its release), and the like. You get to read the privacy statement and the use of information prior to agreeing to treatment and can call almost any office and they will discuss the policy with you before you even make an appointment. You should be able to address your privacy concerns with the facility you choose before committing to T. I recommend that you at least check out going to T. The decision to go has to be entirely yours.
Be good to yourself and take care of yourself. As Mickey said about the stuffed animal, I sleep with a bunny. It's not the same as a warm body of an understanding and compassionate wife or significant other, but it doesn't kick back or interupt you.
Take care, and feel free to PM if you want.