TRIGGERS

My question for life is this: Is there truly a god or are they all devils vying for power over everyone else?

While I was in the womb my life was made miserable. My mom told me how sick she was, and how everyone wondered whether I would survive in the womb. But I lived, I lived to be hated and terrorized by this god and man.

As a child I was hated by my father and made a slave to my entire family. I was abused mentally, physically and sexually by my siblings. I was abused mentally and physically by both my parents. I begged this so-called god to stop this hell from being my life and he escalated the terror and torment.

As an adolescent my plight was the same; I begged this so-called god to stop this insanity and he escalated the terror and torment.

As an adult nothing changed. I begged this so-called god to stop what even he could not endure and he escalated the terror and torment.

My mother finally became my mother and this so-called god murdered her. My best friend tried to help me, and this so-called god murdered him. My cousin tried to help me and this so-called god murdered him.

Even here, at MS, I have been abused and forced into silence. Even here this so-called god escalated the terror and torment. So I removed all my posts and story and left.

All my prayers are responded to with HATE! HATE! HATE! A lifetime of hateful, cruel abuse in all its ugly forms and my prayers are responded to with more of it all. All I have been given my whole life is HATE; unrelenting, merciless, ceaseless, cruel and abusive HATE HATE HATE!!!!! Abuse and bad luck that is all consuming, relentless, merciless and ceaseless.

To me, any being who creates a life to hate and destroy; kept alive so that this hate can be expressed is no god, but the devil of devils, the demon of demons. I would not be worse off if I worshiped Satan; and I can't help but wonder if Satan was driven insane by the hate and abuse lavished on him by this so-called god, as it is being lavished on me driving me into insanity. There is no peace, no joy, no blessings, nothing good promised in the bible for me. I do feel created to be hated, and I have had all I can take of this hell.

I have lost my friends because I can not love anymore. I've never been shown love, not even here where people should understand.

To this so-called god that the bible calls Yahweh, I can only give you what you have always given to me my entire existance; unrelenting, merciless, cruel, ceaseless HATE! HATE! HATE! in all it's ugly forms. You claim that you sent your son to die for our sins, that this is your love for us; yet you degrade what your son suffered to express your demonic hatred for me. Your hatred for me is greater than your love for anyone else, including your own son. If your son gave me heaven you would turn it into hell and destroy everyone there so you could express your hatred for me. You have made me hate every breath I take, every step, every move I make. You fill my life with unbridled hatred, cruelty, abuse and bad luck in all its ugly forms. And you claim to be without sin; your sins against me alone rise higher than the clouds. I tried to give my life to you and you drove me away with unbridled hate. You bless those who abuse, hate, and terrorize others while denying love of any kind to me and other victims of those you bless. I wish I knew why you are hate personified.

I am worn out.

Dusty

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Pinky: "Gee Brain, what do you want to do tonight?"
The Brain: "The same thing we do every night, Pinky—try to take over the world."