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#28767 - 08/17/05 07:54 AM New outlook on life
andrew76 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/01/02
Posts: 118
Loc: Florida
This past week many things for me have changed just by a way of surprise.First off my wife and I are now getting along without fighting and as of today I am an official prospective father my wife told me on Friday of last week she was pregnant which we are very surprised about as we were trying to have kids for many years and unable to produce and a reproductive doctor told us the only way was to go thru an Ivf procedure we both have been at war with each other since being told we would not be able to have kids any other way.

Another change for me was to be able to stand up in front of many people including a defendant of a murder which once I am done with the trial I will be able to talk about and tell my abuse story in an open courtroom which I never thought I could do.I also have had time to reflect on my life today and have decided it is time to change who I am and where my life is headed.I also have been able to truely forgive the person that offended me in my own mind and heart now it is time to write my abuser and send to my abuser via mail a letter forgiving him even if I don't ever see him face to face the rest of my life.

My outlook on life it self is changing forever the way I used to see things now forever will be changed and the people I come into contact with or even talk with will forever be changed I do not want to see another person go down the tubes if I can assist them if they want to change or need and want help,I cannot change another person only they can do that for themselves but I can be there for them to lean on in time of struggle.

Another thing that has changed is another family member of mine was just sexually assaulted and I was trying to make sure this person never had to go thru what I did as a child I am going to go to the end of the earth to help this person heal from this and will listen to this person and am in true belief the assault took place.

_________________________


Eye of tiger stares down perp,tiger teeth rips perp to shreds
to be abused kills the soul
to survive is to live the ultimate punishment

Knocking on hells door!!

To be silenced is an American amendment right violation,free speech

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#28768 - 08/17/05 01:00 PM Re: New outlook on life
Sinking Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/26/03
Posts: 577
Loc: Took my ball and went home.
Andrew - It's wonderful to hear all the positive changes taking place for you. Try to take it slow. Keep in mind that there will still be bumps in the road. Better to be prepared for when you hit one. Someone said, Hope for the best, Expect the worst. By doing that, you'll be ready for whatever comes along. I truly hope everything keeps moving in a positive direction for you!! And the thing about being pregnant....WOW!! Congratulations. There is no more pure love than that for and from a baby. Peace - John
PS Love the tag-line change, again!


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#28769 - 08/17/05 02:56 PM Re: New outlook on life
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Andrew welcome to the world of Choice. I think Andrei said it. " I choose to be hapyp". Life is to be lived my fried and not merely endured. Congratuolations. Also I am happy to see that you and your good wife will be adding to the family.

Guys who read this!!! One more example of sucess. It is attainable for all.

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#28770 - 08/22/05 09:18 AM Re: New outlook on life
Leosha Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 3614
Loc: Right here
Andrew,

first, I am very sorry for your other family member who has been assaulted. I am sure that you will a be strong source of support for them.

As to the rest, wow! You have been through so very much the last six months or so, and now, you are coming out stronger then ever! Your strength and resilience amazes me, and I have a great deal of respect for you. I hope that all continues to go in a good vein for you. I wish you well,

Leosha

_________________________
Avatar photo in memory of my younger brother Makar.

"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."~~~Martin Luther King Jr., 1963

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#28771 - 08/23/05 04:05 PM Re: New outlook on life
Dewey2k Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/22/05
Posts: 3069
Andrew,
The family member you will be helping is indeed fortunate to have someone shch as yourself to support them. I wish the best for both of you.

If there is anything I can say about being a parent it is this: Be there every minute you can from now until forever. Watching children learn, grow, laugh and play gives one a new perspective on what life is meant to be.

Oh, and if you can, be in the room for the birth- for me it hit me at a level I didn't know was possible. There's no other experience that compares.


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#28772 - 08/23/05 09:40 PM Re: New outlook on life
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Andrew,

Yes it is hard to forgive those who abused us, but it is far harder not to.

That is only my view, because I had to restrain the anger that I projected towards this perp, and others yeah, I dont know a real word for 'him', and he never was worth that de>
_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#28773 - 08/23/05 11:26 PM Re: New outlook on life
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Andrew
forgiveness is such a personal thing, and I sometimes wonder if some survivors fight against the very idea of forgiveness in such a way that it slows down our healing ?

And I include myself in that because I haven't moved from feeling complete indifference towards my abusers, but something in the back of my mind keeps telling me that 'maybe' some level of forgiveness would help to close my remaining issues ?

But as usual I'm rambling, it's so good to see you being so positive, and that will shine like a bacon to the family member who has also suffered.

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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