With 6 kids in the family; bbbgbg, me #2b, we all knew how the bump in mom's tummy got there. It was a healthy sex ed I received and a positive development into good viril sex in my late teens. Living in a commune in Santa Cruz Ca. in 1968-70 was a big lesson in love.
I had the same GF,Tanya, from K-4th grade and replaced her without delay when she moved. The 1st GF I had sex with in Alaska I still talk to. The 1st time I MB'ed after a shower in the 5th grade I thought I broke it, I figured it was o'kay when it happened again.
At 17 in the Marines I was stationed in Subic Bay Philippines and in 15 months I learned more about sex than a porn star, it was XXX stuff, I consider those girls sexually exploited now.
Up to the HRT(hostage rape torture) in Oct/1978 I was healthy sexually, no kinks. Afterwards I shutdown.
It all changed after the abduction, I was unable to not have intrusive flashbacks during sex. I slept with 32 women from a company I worked at, married one of them for 2.5 years, in my 20's and they all knew the dick was broken and I frooze up, but the intamacy, closeness, kissing and my oral ability and the exciting life I created was worth it to them.
In my 30's I gave up and dealt with the flashbacks and SSA. MB was my only sex for 17 years and it was plagued with M/F fantasy arousal and disgust. I had many uncountable failures with some nice looking chicks. Some of them would stick around and try to fix my dick. The shit I tried; placing crystals in MT. Shasta California and letting some wizzard put stones all over my shakra, herbal concoctions, OTC erection pills, sleeping with two men(negative results) after a girl told me to try same sex, I even tried thinking of men during m/f foreplay and sex. And the excuses I made up for the rapid heartbeat, breathing constrictions and my dick when touched shrunk like in cold water. Some of the girls were very outspoken in their frustration.
It was a total mind fk to have women attracted to me and have anxiety and avoidance issues and be oblivious as to the cause and association to the HRT.
That really rips me, all the good sex I missed out on because of the HRT. Hell, I slept with over 200 women and 2 men and only 3 times after the HRT was it effortless. It baffled me that during MB I was fine, aside from the SSA. I got over the homophobia early since California has lots of Gays and I see God works in their life too.
Here I am 50 years and last year I made the decision to work thru the affects and started with MB and girly mags w/out male pics in it. My common law wife(now gone) was cool with the whole deal since after the 1st two weeks in 2004 we never had intamacy.
Everytime I had a m/m thought I adjusted my thinking, told myself it was from the HRT. After I got my 1st successful uninterupted session(I was in the woods running the hounds and I got the urge)I then moved back into the bedroom. It was nothing like the youthful romps I remember, but it felt soooo good, I cried in appreciation for a few days. What a milestone
I can't wait to find some mid-aged kitten and cuddle up.
Edited by men_of_hrts.dbw (05/14/09 02:36 AM)
Edit Reason: Spell Check
Doug>ASA Survivor (1x)
ECV 6001/MaTuCa Chapter 1849
E Clampus Vitus
"What Say the Brethren"
"Hang the Bastards"