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#287019 - 05/10/09 07:14 PM Who cares ********Triggers*********
usmc97 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 08/02/05
Posts: 437
Loc: Colorado
Thirty two and a half hours and I'm still bleeding, less than ten more hours and they will have me again. I don't care who believes me or who twists my words or who judges my life into a little box where everything makes logical sense.

I got told again to smile today, all the things I have to hide and they want a performance? Oh, but I'm not suppose to feel angry for my being neglected for the sake of their world not being altered. I'm trying to keep the blood from showing, hoping I bandaged myself good enough, trying to walk normal... trying to just be.

Holding back the pain I'm feeling, wounds fresh, dehydrated from crying. Counting the handful that I know sincerely care even a little for me.

All the times I'm taken and no hope that my perps will ever be caught. The only trace of evidence is my body and me the blinded witness. I don't carry any weight... just by the support here my words are taken mostly as a metaphor. It's like I don't exist... a phrase that comes constantly from me. It's so hard to run from a bullet when I can't run from the things that are done to me.

_________________________
Semper Fi

The statistics? 1 in 4, 1 in 6?
...then there's me the imaginary number

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#287026 - 05/10/09 10:02 PM Re: Who cares ********Triggers********* [Re: usmc97]
ericc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/04/08
Posts: 1959
USMC,

I'm sorry to hear you are going through this. I think it is really hard for people to comprehend or understand what your experience is like. Basically from my own point of view I can not fully grasp what you are talking about because for one it is completely outside my experience and understanding and also it often feels like it is being explained in partial terms and I really can't fill in the missing pieces and somehow get it. That all said it sounds terrible whatever it is and I really am hoping you will be okay. From what you have said I can only guess it is some sort of paranormal experience. That's about the best I can figure.

Eric


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#287030 - 05/10/09 10:44 PM Re: Who cares ********Triggers********* [Re: ericc]
profryr1974 Offline


Registered: 05/07/09
Posts: 9
Loc: arizona
Just checking. Are you curently in a situation where the abuse you describe is hapenimng - or is it as I take your meaning that there is a trigger - one that you know is coming that brings it on.

Who cares-- for what I can and from a few states away- I care and I care weather the trigger or the abuser is what you anticipate-- I believe that there is real pain-- I know being trapped inside for days because of a real danger which you fear. What have you learned to do to avoid triggers and what makes this ome unavoidable?

What would you need to avoid or disarm this trigger?

I do not believe that "their" sense of the world running smoothly is worth the price you describe paying. I have in some cases denied paying the tole for croing the bridge but am still or at least once again paying it in some cases for while their comfort and innocence is not worth it- it is worth it to avoid the backlash against my effort to break the system.

life so often just marches over us not sure i can muster a pithy uplifting counter point so as to redeem the clear dispondance.

_________________________
RYR1974

"I have not hands to stop every mouth so there is nothing but to speak the truth and trust God." Queen Elizabeth I

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#287034 - 05/10/09 11:21 PM Re: Who cares ********Triggers********* [Re: profryr1974]
Shadow+Walker Offline


Registered: 04/16/09
Posts: 287
Loc: desolate foggy nights, USA
Hey USMC97,

Look buddy, Im not a fellow Marine but I do give a hoorah for a bunch of them and we get along OK. I notice you're in Colorado. I was born in Colorado and lived there as a kid. How is spring time in the Rockies; is it geting warm yet? I so miss the sound of the wind blowing through the aspens. I've read some of your posts and your story. You went through hell fire, Bro. Don't let those bastards who did this to you win. They are old and powerless now and hardly able to swallow a pill anymore. They are irrelevent to your ability to make it through this now. You are in charge, you are in command of this operation. Decide who you can trust - who is your ally and trust him. Call a chaplain at the closest post, he knows who you can trust. Your therapist is a good resource right now, too. Hang on tight and call for reinforcements, bro!

God is always faithful and so are you,
Shadow+Walker

_________________________
For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, love and self discipline. (St Paul, 2Timothy 1:7) NIV

Check out a cool song by a hot band..."Unbreakable" by Fireflight: official video at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pWRJAHaOrYg

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