I am so jealous of others having sex with others. I dislike the intensity to the jealousy. I was very sexually active a couple of years after the rapes/abuse.

I get jealous of others who have bf's when I am coupled or now when I am single.

Does this jealousy come from the muliple guys/boys when I was a kid or the abuse?

Peace,

So, no one else experiences this?

Maybe my statement is too vague.

Trying to find peace here.

Thanks,
DJ

I was just thinking about this today! Not just about sex but about the comfort level I perceive other men have just being out in public with shorts on, cut off sleeved shirts or even just being cute.
I personally haven't made it to the level yet where I'm not what wouldn't be called jealous of anyone who has sex. I'm 56 and only after a build-up of pressure of 7 years or so have I tried to desperately find some kind of physical contact.
I don't know whether this addresses what you're speaking of, but I tend to feel like just an observer of other's lives and jealous of not being able to participate in the same "normal" lives they appear to be comfortable with...like being in a realtionship, dating, holding hands in public, just any sort of display of affection. I just watch and say to myself "I don't get it, but I wish I could be like that."

An after thought...for me it just might be more of envy. I watch and try to mentally figure out "the right thing to do" what to say, how to behave. I get panicked when around attractive men and I'm sure it must work against me to get any where with dating or even making friends.
So, I get jealous and I think even angry that I haven't been able to attract what I find an attractive man to myself. I guess there's something in me that just goes, "he wouldn't like me" panic and don't try.
Some time ago, I went to a bar and sat down next this cute masculine guy and worked up enough nerve to say something. As conversation rolled along he says to me, "You just don't get it do you." I had no idea what he was talking about! Then with some more thought later I figured out he was hitting on me!

I'll take a stab at what I'm feeling about whether the jealousy feelings comes from multiple guys/boys or the abuse.

I would say its the abuse. For me there is a terror/panic of getting intimate for what that means to me...which is, this is just about his wants, "sex is wrong" fear of my body and don't believe for a second that someone would be interested in my body, and I'm afraid of showing my body to anyone.

All that together makes me jealous to see others having sex, or kissing, cuddling or holding hands because what it looks like to me is they don't have those barriors to being in a releationship even if its a one nighter. And I want that for myself. To be free. I'm jealous of their freedom to touch.

kid,

I can relate to some of what you are saying. I too feel jealous of couples - any combination. But especially healthy gay ones. The crap part is that I have let go of/run off some stellar ones. Two years ago I really screwed up a relationship with a guy that could have been THE ONE. He was inside and out what I needed and wanted. But the intimacy was something I could not handle so I ruined it. I too am oblivious when someone is interseted but hyper thinking others are. Abuse screws it all up.

Just relax and take it a step at a time. Don't settle for just anybody either. Find someone who is worthy of you and will treat you right and meet those needs. Take it slow but take chances as well.


Daryl

Daryl,
Sorry to hear you were so close to possibly a great relationship.
I haven't had any close ones like you've had. I've wrongly fantazised with a few that wanted nothing more really than a place to stay.

So what do we do? I've been wondering just how much if any conversation I talk to someone about over abuse issues. Is there a first step to take?

Do, I say, "hey your're nice, I'd like to spend some more time with you, but with have some victim issues I have something you say or do may trigger me that will make want to run."

Since being here talking though I've noticed I'm just not as afraid of any possibility that might come up to handle.

Thanks,
Sam

Oh, and my type of hyperthinking is globally attriubting to everyone that they are not going to want me. Too this, too that, not enough pecs...

Hi.

I have learned to be gentle with myself as I uncover the terrible messages. I have to KNOW in my core being that I am the ONE.

Yes, I had an 8 year relationship but IT's failure was NOT just my fault nor were the ISSUE's MY issue's.

I know now what I did not know then.

I am connected better today to me and then therefore the world.

Thanks for your replies.

I realize the jealousy for me is about the little guy in me being confused.

Peace,
DJ

All I know is that I relate with every word said in this thread. Right now I'm in the middle of a heavy funk that has been on the verge of tears constantly. I want to be whole, happy and partnered. I know what my MO's are in dating and relationships but they take on a life of their own when in the grips of those types of experiences. So I've learned to avoid dating, relationships, etc in order to avoid the pain. However, the pain only shows up in those feelings of jealousy, anger, frustration, depression and self-destructive behaviors. As I've become older, I'm now 36, the roots of my behaviors are more clear than before. I'm slowly getting to a point where I can see my triggers as separate from me. Nevertheless, when I'm with an attractive, powerful, financial well off, whatever, type of man, I'm a slave to my fears and anxieties and all I want to do is get out of the situation. It is too hard for me to be authentic in those types of situations because I'm afraid to lose control and hurt him or me and do something that will bring up the pain that grips me and doesn't let go.