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#286916 - 05/09/09 09:23 PM my little buddy 10 years old: now 1 in 6
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
little buddy went to the movies with this mom and sister this weekend; dad stayed home. buddy is a very responsible little guy and more mature than most little guys his age. he is an altar boy in the church, he helps out in the choir whenever needed. when he asked to go the to the restroom while waiting for the movie to begin, his mom asked if he wanted her to go with him. he said 'nah' i can handle it.

buddy goes into the washroom and goes about his business. a stranger comes up behind him squeezes his butt, gets real close to his ear, and breathes into it, and says 'you wanna jerk off?'. mortified, buddy freezes, but he leaves and goes back to the theater. when he gets there mom asks 'did you wash your hands'? buddy says, no wait mom, something really wierd just happened, and he told her his story.

mom went and found the manager, who called the police. the police arrived and found the perp and handcuffed him. the county sexual abuse team was called to the scene. buddy was interviewed. the perp handcuffed denied the accusation. the team lined up right in the movie theater three guys and buddy was instructed to identify the man who approached him. the man was taken into custody.

buddy was worried that the man would find him and harm him. all of a sudden he was pleading please don't tell my friends, they'll think i'm gay.

another young innocent soul pierced and sullied by the bane of sexual assault. another little guy impregnated with the seed of fear and terror that he will be stalked, that he will be marked as having something about him that invited the perp's advances.

how can he ever be convinced that he did nothing wrong, that he will be safe. what guarantees does he have?

another young boy's life interrupted.

please pray for this beautiful family. the good thing in all of this is that they have a very healthy system, with deep love and respect each of the members for the other. buddy's dad is one heck of guy and i am happy to call him friend.

buddy's mom approached me and told me about what happened just before our service this evening right when the choir was getting ready to sing; she and dad knew about my history of having been abused. she just blurted it out: 'buddy was sexually assaulted! emotions were high in the choir this evening.

buddy went about, business as usual and gave service at the altar. buddy's dad cried blaming himself for not being able to be there for his son.

tragic and sad, another one baptized into the 1 in 6 club.

ron



_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


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#286917 - 05/09/09 09:26 PM Re: my little buddy 10 years old: now 1 in 6 [Re: Sans Logos]
king tut Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/08
Posts: 2466
Loc: UK
I'm really sorry that happened Ron, my heart goes out to the boy and his family, i'm glad you were able to help even if just by listening to his mother.

_________________________
"...until lambs become lions"

I love you, little lewis, and i will never leave you. We are the same. You brighten my day, and i will make sure that i brighten yours. Hugs and kisses.


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#286921 - 05/09/09 09:31 PM Re: my little buddy 10 years old: now 1 in 6 [Re: Sans Logos]
b869 Offline


Registered: 01/26/09
Posts: 767
Loc: Philippines
I'm glad they found the perp but I'm so sorry about your buddy Ron.

_________________________

When thing get complicated go back to simplicity

Harvey Fierstein
Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.

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#286927 - 05/09/09 10:17 PM Re: my little buddy 10 years old: now 1 in 6 [Re: b869]
Hauser Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/05
Posts: 2962
Loc: United States
This is not a tragedy. It's a victory.

How many countless other boys who were raised by emotionally distant parents and in dysfunctional families would have simply not said anything? I really don't know if I would have tried to tell were I in that situation at that age........but I have my doubts. I probably would have shrugged it off, so to speak.

My point is, HE TOLD SOMEONE THAT HE KNEW HE COULD TRUST, HE WAS BELIEVED, TAKEN SERIOUSLY, AND THE APPROPRIATE ACTION WAS TAKEN.

Obviously, a better scenario of this story would be that in never happened at all, but this is the very next best thing, if you ask me.


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#286939 - 05/09/09 11:37 PM Re: my little buddy 10 years old: now 1 in 6 [Re: Hauser]
Dusty Boy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/15/08
Posts: 280
Loc: Australia
I have to agree with Hauser
HE TOLD SOMEONE THAT HE KNEW HE COULD TRUST, HE WAS BELIEVED, TAKEN SERIOUSLY, AND THE APPROPRIATE ACTION WAS TAKEN.
I could never tell my care givers, your little buddy and his family are ausome
Dusty


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#286943 - 05/09/09 11:56 PM Re: my little buddy 10 years old: now 1 in 6 [Re: Sans Logos]
men_of_hrts.dbw Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/20/09
Posts: 301
Loc: Orchidland Big Island Hawaii
Ever since the tears came in Apr/08 I have cried so many times, and moments like now jog all the intensity back up
Ron, you must be so upset, pissed and full of emotions. I trust you will, still...
I am glad the predator was caught, hopefully; I have doubts tho, the lowlife will do hard time for a long time, I say;
"Hang the bastard."
My prayers and concern;

_________________________
Doug>ASA Survivor (1x)
ECV 6001/MaTuCa Chapter 1849
E Clampus Vitus
"What Say the Brethren"
"Hang the Bastards"

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#287037 - 05/11/09 12:06 AM Re: my little buddy 10 years old: now 1 in 6 [Re: men_of_hrts.dbw]
Shadow+Walker Offline


Registered: 04/16/09
Posts: 287
Loc: desolate foggy nights, USA
Ron,
I am sorry and outraged this happened to Buddy. I concur with you in re-assuring him that there was nothing wrong with him that caused this to happen. All the perp wanted was a kid, just like a bank robber wants the money. It is not the money or the bank at fault - it is the robber who is wrong and at fault. I am glad that the jerk got to spend the rest of his weekend in jail, considering his own perversity and stupidity. Tomorrow he will get to explain his curious behavior to a judge and begin preparing for a difficult legal process. Buddy did just fine. A big high five for having the wherewithall to tell and stick with the process of making the complaint for the report and making the positive identification.

Pass this along:
Thanks Buddy! Your city is safer tonight for other kids because you were so brave when you needed to be.

Peace,
Shadow+Walker

_________________________
For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, love and self discipline. (St Paul, 2Timothy 1:7) NIV

Check out a cool song by a hot band..."Unbreakable" by Fireflight: official video at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pWRJAHaOrYg

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#287073 - 05/11/09 08:06 AM Re: my little buddy 10 years old: now 1 in 6 [Re: Sans Logos]
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
hey guys, thank you for your support and comments. i will pass on the love to my little buddy and his family.

shadow walker, your point of view never occured to me. and it is just the right statement to supplant what has already been placed in buddy's brain. reminding him how he saved others from this perp is the perfect angle for replacing his fear and potentially encroaching doubt about his own sexuality. bravo! i think you gave him the key to unlock what could have been a potential lifetime ball and chain. he'll always know that he did the right thing, and that is the best reminder for bringing himself back to square one no matter what life stage he finds himself in the future.

all the best guys, you never cease to amaze me.

ron

_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


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#298868 - 08/11/09 05:52 PM Re: my little buddy 10 years old: now 1 in 6 [Re: Sans Logos]
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
update:

got this from chrissy, little kenny's mom the other day:

[after several delays....can you believe it????

Quote:
Today [july 20th] was Kenny's preliminary trial. That guy, Patrick, waved his right to the preliminary so now it gets sent downtown to be reviewed by a judge. A hearing will be scheduled sometime after Christmas. Ken's not too pleased with all of this. He thought Patrick should go to jail until the hearing but the law says "innocent until proven guilty." I don't think that should be the case when you have a signed confession though.


_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


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#298875 - 08/11/09 06:41 PM Re: my little buddy 10 years old: now 1 in 6 [Re: Sans Logos]
JDV Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/26/05
Posts: 311
The wheels of Justice grind slowly, but it's a necessary process. Look at it this way. The perp has this uncertainty hanging over his head for months on end. Depending on his record, he may be looking at a very long time in the clink. Imagine if you had that hanging over your head? So, enjoy his discomfort and fear about the uncertainty. While it's hard on Kenny and his mom to have this drawn out, it may be even harder on the perp. :-)

_________________________
-- Sent from mobile device --
My Story Parts One, Two and Three of Four

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#298983 - 08/12/09 02:08 PM Re: my little buddy 10 years old: now 1 in 6 [Re: JDV]
Jaifian Offline


Registered: 05/26/09
Posts: 220
Loc: washington state, USA
(((((Ron))))
This must have been a huge downer! I know for me, having something like that happening to a child I know would, I think be as bad as having it happen to my own kid--though having had none of my own, I can't speak from experience.

I don't know if we will ever have a world where children are safe. I had a similar public restroom experience as a child. To this day I loathe using public restrooms.



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#298993 - 08/12/09 03:08 PM Re: my little buddy 10 years old: now 1 in 6 [Re: Jaifian]
ericc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/04/08
Posts: 1962
I think it was a victory of sorts myself. I wouldn't want to downplay the distress this could cause the kid, nor the fact that the perp should have never done this to start, but the kid completely handled this situation very well. Kudos to him. He should be commended for how he handled the situation and know that this was in no way his fault.

Eric


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#319351 - 01/19/10 05:34 AM Re: my little buddy 10 years old: now 1 in 6 [Re: Sans Logos]
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
well today, finally! the preliminary trial will take place at 2pm. keep us in your thoughts today. i'll let you know how things go when i get the chance. thanks for sending good energy our way.

all the best,

ron

_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


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#319354 - 01/19/10 08:14 AM Re: my little buddy 10 years old: now 1 in 6 [Re: Sans Logos]
Obi Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1314
Loc: kansas
.


Edited by Obi (04/30/13 10:26 PM)
_________________________
live another day. climb a little higher.

my story

my vlog

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#319356 - 01/19/10 08:27 AM Re: my little buddy 10 years old: now 1 in 6 [Re: Obi]
Ken Followell Offline
President
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 12/30/01
Posts: 990
Loc: Bradenton, FL
Good thoughts headed your way!

_________________________
Ken Followell

Everything works out right in the end. If things are not working right, it isn't the end yet. Don't let it bother you, relax and keep on goin
- Michael C. Muhammad

"I get up. I walk. I fall down. Meanwhile, I keep dancing."
� Rabbi Hillel

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#319362 - 01/19/10 09:24 AM Re: my little buddy 10 years old: now 1 in 6 [Re: Ken Followell]
ComicBookGuy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/08/09
Posts: 443
Loc: London, England
Will be thinking about the trial, but now it's 2pm my time, you'll have to let us know what happened later on, I won't see it until the evening/tomorrow.

_________________________
- CBG

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#319384 - 01/19/10 12:08 PM Re: my little buddy 10 years old: now 1 in 6 [Re: ComicBookGuy]
just me Offline


Registered: 05/27/09
Posts: 194
Ah, "The System"... it's not perfect (by any means) but it's all we have.
(I'm sure you don't need me to say this but it makes me feel better to) Please reassure 'little Buddy' that he's done nothing wrong...in fact he's a hero...protecting all of the kids this perp would have hurt if he didn't have the courage to say something!

Yay little Buddy!!!

_________________________
My Story

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#319392 - 01/19/10 12:59 PM Re: my little buddy 10 years old: now 1 in 6 [Re: just me]
catfish86 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/27/09
Posts: 820
Loc: Ohio
I hope the system can be trusted. Buddy did exactly the right thing. It helps my heart to hear this was taken seriously by, first of all his parents but also the theatre management, the police and prosecutor. Good luck. Now if only the judge gets it. We hope to hear this handled firmly.

_________________________
God grant me
The Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The Courage to change the things I can,
And the Wisdom to know the difference.

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#319393 - 01/19/10 01:05 PM Re: my little buddy 10 years old: now 1 in 6 [Re: just me]
LandOfShadow Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/11/07
Posts: 684
Loc: Minneapolis, Minnesota USA
Thanks for keeping us informed Ron. It's so heartening to hear a story where the child TELLs someone and it's dealt with well. My thoughts are with you.

_________________________
Et par le pouvoir d’un mot Je recommence ma vie, Je suis né pour te connaître, Pour te nommer
Liberté

And by the power of a single word I can begin my life again, I was born to know you, to name you
Freedom

Paul Eluard

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#319401 - 01/19/10 01:53 PM Re: my little buddy 10 years old: now 1 in 6 [Re: LandOfShadow]
Anarion Cti Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/23/09
Posts: 157
Loc: Eastern US
Here's praying that Buddy is completely victorious in court, and is comforted and healed by the process!

_________________________
"Thou, O Lord, are the shield about me;
You're my helper,
You're the one who lifts up my head."
"Whom have I in heaven or earth but You?"

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#319433 - 01/19/10 06:32 PM Re: my little buddy 10 years old: now 1 in 6 [Re: Anarion Cti]
Dusty Boy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/15/08
Posts: 280
Loc: Australia
Ron,

I just re read this post from the beginning and picked up on something in the first post. “Buddy's dad cried blaming himself for not being able to be there for his son”.

It is my opinion that by giving Buddy the tools, support and good parenting he was there before it happened, something a lot of us never had. Good parenting gives the kids the tools to act bravely like your little buddy has.

When I was that age I was approached by a man that wanted to show me his marbles, I knew what he meant and ran away BUT I could not tell the parents, I did not trust them. So I lived with the guilt.

Dusty[i][/i]


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#319469 - 01/20/10 08:00 AM Re: my little buddy 10 years old: now 1 in 6 [Re: Sans Logos]
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
hey guys, you're the best. i shared your comments with the family, reading them from my iphone as we sat waiting for the meeting with the assistant DA. i gave him a tiger eye quartz crystal to keep in his pocket for courage, confidence and strength. he was beaming from ear to ear, and was able to manage his anticipatory anxiety quite well.

as it turns out, the meeting yesterday was a preliminary preparatory meeting with the assistant DA, where kenny was filled in on the range of possibilities for what to expect [sucks that a little boy has to even encounter such a situation! don't we all know that!!!]

the asst. DA asked kenny if he had any questions, and told him about how since this is a first offense for patrick, the perp, that even though he presented a signed confession, there is a chance that he may not get jail time.

the trial date had been set for february 17th, but the family was informed that that will have to be moved because the judge has another matter to adjudicate at that time. the asst. DA suggested that the date would most likely be moved to may. he also explained that the perp's defense may try to avoid going to court and attempt to present a plea bargain. the DA and the family don't want kenny to have to tell his story too many many more times, to too many more people [ pretty demoralizing for a young boy, eh?] but they are ready to do whatever it takes, following kenny's lead of course. their bottom line is they will be satisfied knowing that patrick will get all that the law has the power to enforce.

we keep focusing on shadowwalker's brilliant comment that kenny has stopped him from doing this to other boys, and he seems satisfied with that, however, he is concerned that if patrick does not get jail time, that he will be free to do it to others, still ..... a very valid concern.

if the perp does cop a plea, then he will be evaluated by the state to see if he has psychological proclivities for predatory behavior. kenny's mom is ready to do some serious public broadcasting once this is over. she is adamant that if there is a plea bargain that he be registered as an offender on megan's law website.

we'll have to wait and see what happens in may. but for now, kenny knows that he has many people supporting him, even though he still suffers from fears around strange situations, and is apprehensive about things that young boys his age should not have been made aware of at his age, in the first place.

ah, the legacy of abuse ....... i'll keep you posted, and thanks so much for your concern.

all the best,

ron

_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


Top
#319505 - 01/20/10 01:01 PM Re: my little buddy 10 years old: now 1 in 6 [Re: Sans Logos]
LandOfShadow Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/11/07
Posts: 684
Loc: Minneapolis, Minnesota USA
Just curious, but Is requiring treatment for Patrick part of his sentence? Other than the evaluation for predatory behavior?


_________________________
Et par le pouvoir d’un mot Je recommence ma vie, Je suis né pour te connaître, Pour te nommer
Liberté

And by the power of a single word I can begin my life again, I was born to know you, to name you
Freedom

Paul Eluard

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#319510 - 01/20/10 02:16 PM Re: my little buddy 10 years old: now 1 in 6 [Re: LandOfShadow]
just me Offline


Registered: 05/27/09
Posts: 194
Thanks for the update and for sharing our support with the family.

"to see if he has psychological proclivities for predatory behavior."
I think we already know the answer to this! frown

_________________________
My Story

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#325423 - 03/16/10 04:44 PM Re: my little buddy 10 years old: now 1 in 6 [Re: Sans Logos]
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
here's the recent scoop on kenny, relayed from kenny's mom:

........Kenny's trial was last Wednesday. The guy, Patrick Duda, did plead guilty. The deal was, he could plead guilty without a jury trial if he agreed to be evaluated by a Sex Offenders Board. Once he's evaluated, they will determine how long he's to be on Megan's Law. He will also have to undergo a certain amount of time of therapy. That will also be determined by the board. From what I'm told, he's probably going to have therapy for 12 months.

If he gets arrested again for the same charges (or worse), he will have to be on Megan's Law for the rest of his life. Right now, going on Megan's Law, he'll have to report any changes of address, if he buys a new car or if he changes jobs. If he's on there for life, he will have to check in every 72 hours to let them know where he is. If he's late checking in (like the 73 hour), they will have a warrant out for his arrest. The only thing is, there's only so many men per each offender and they very rarely arrest them right away. Hopefully he doesn't do this again or even worse.

[the members of our immediate family] are permitted to type/write a statement of how this affected our lives. We will need to submit our statements to OUR attorney and he'll share them with Patrick's attorney. As long as the wording isn't degrading, they will permit us to read them out loud to Patrick on the day of sentencing which is set for July 6th. If Kenny writes down how he feels and if he gets too nervous come July 6th to where he can't read it, the judge will then read it for him to Patrick.

Kenny was very good at the trial. He kept his eye on Patrick the entire time. Kenny didn't have to say anything. We had 2 ladies from Victims of Crimes assist Kenny while we waited for our turn. Even though we had to be there by 8:30 we weren't seen until 11:15 so we sat for a while, watching inmates being transported from one court room to the other, wearing shackles and hand cuffs.

=============

although we know that kenny's ordeal is far from over, i want to thank you all for the support you gave throughout this process. at least he got the closure he deserved. it meant the world to kenny and his family.

warmest regards,

ron

_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


Top
#325426 - 03/16/10 05:26 PM Re: my little buddy 10 years old: now 1 in 6 [Re: Sans Logos]
catfish86 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/27/09
Posts: 820
Loc: Ohio
Thanks Kenny, you are doing something that I wish I had been able to do. Whether the system lets us all down or not, you did your part. We would all be better off if every kid followed Kenny's example.

_________________________
God grant me
The Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The Courage to change the things I can,
And the Wisdom to know the difference.

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#325430 - 03/16/10 06:07 PM Re: my little buddy 10 years old: now 1 in 6 [Re: catfish86]
Gus Bierer Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 09/16/05
Posts: 160
Ron

Wow! Thanks for bringing us this story. I would like to commend Kenny on his courage and it seems like he was heavily supported which is just unbelievably great. Wasn't like that for us was it, I think a lot of guys would agree.

It seems that Patrick will get atleast 12 mths of therapy, and I like the consequences for him if he ever acts out again. Things have come a long ways since i was a kid.

Great results


Gus

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My Story

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