Newest Members
0128, jeremywickers, JScott12, TMatti2, DaiseyLady
12502 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
fakir (71), HelpMeHelpHim32 (41), motherstars (65)
Who's Online
5 registered (5 invisible), 14 Guests and 5 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12502 Members
74 Forums
64191 Topics
447940 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 2 of 2 < 1 2
Topic Options
#367066 - 07/31/11 02:28 PM Re: sexual dysfunction. [Re: sono]
sono Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/09
Posts: 1069
Oh and indeed your larger issue may indeed come from the less invasive assaults from your mother. When the supposed bad guy is nicest when he's being the worst, and the natural protector Mother is deficient...well, that sux. It's easier got take something you don't like from someone who reminds of someone being nice, i.e. Ur father perhaps than something you do like from someone who reminds you of mother, I.e. A woman. Just thinking out loud.

_________________________
the family
the perp

Top
#367068 - 07/31/11 03:07 PM Re: sexual dysfunction. [Re: sono]
thefutureorbust Offline


Registered: 04/24/11
Posts: 171
Loc: NC
yeah man, its HARD when your abuser is your father though and when your 6. That first imprint is hard to shake. I havent ruled out bisexual as an orientation. But my abuse is tangled so badly into my sexuality its all blended and confusing. Personally, I dont believe a GAY man can have unbelievable sex with girls. He can try but it will be "ok" or "acceptable". Ive spoken to many gay guys who have been with girls sexually and most say "eh I tried but didnt like it". The ones who said they did like it are quick to point out they believe in the kinsely scale and believe they fall between gay and bi.

_________________________
"What does not kill me makes me stronger"

Top
#367080 - 07/31/11 05:37 PM Re: sexual dysfunction. [Re: thefutureorbust]
sono Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/09
Posts: 1069
As you are in a "what's next?" phase, I wish you well with that. As you move through it, be sensitive to what your mind and heart are telling you today...difficult when there's so much confusing yesterday mixed to our experiences.

I've heard the same words used as you when gay guys describe their hetero experiences. Does that leas you to some conclusions or thoughts about yourself? Im just posing the question rhetorically to you, don't feel compelled to reply in the thread, but of course you're welcome to continue. It's complex stuff to try and work out.

_________________________
the family
the perp

Top
#367086 - 07/31/11 06:11 PM Re: sexual dysfunction. [Re: sono]
thefutureorbust Offline


Registered: 04/24/11
Posts: 171
Loc: NC
I have nothing to hide in the thread. I believe for me the best thing is to try and ditch labels. I cant look in the mirror and say "im gay" knowing I have had unbelievable sex with women before, dream about girls, and fantsize about them. I just cant ignore all that. But there is a difference between having unbelivable in the moment sex and having sex to prove your not gay. Ive done both and the latter isnt that good lol My father wasnt my only perp. I believe my brother also abused me. But he also SEVERLY emotionally abused me emasculating me every chance he had. Funny I told my therapist that some of the best sex I have had with women in the past was when I percieved myself a lesbian. I didnt want intercourse, but wanted us touching, kissing and pefrorming oral sex on each other. I literally felt like a girl. I know thats tied into me beging ashamed of being a man. I got many fucked up messages at home of what a REAL man is. From the Therapists Ive been to and doing about 5 months of research on the issue, I believe sexuality is fluid. I can openly admit I am attracted to men, but is that attraction something deeper? am I looking for that deep connection I had with my dad when I was 6? I have tried HARD to look at bisexual porn and watching the two guys go at it was not a turn on. Am I holding back? who knows...I know I have no desire to live a straight or gay "lifestyle". I need to be ok with being ME and trying as hard as I can to ditch labels.

_________________________
"What does not kill me makes me stronger"

Top
#367094 - 07/31/11 07:26 PM Re: sexual dysfunction. [Re: thefutureorbust]
sono Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/09
Posts: 1069
Hey FW, this is fascinating as I haven't been on site in ages, but cane to check out news from the recent Canada WoR and saw that first post to which I felt the need to comment, lol, and am right back in the groove of things when I was active here.

So if I may ask, where is the problem exactly? Or am I wrong in that there isn't essentially a problem? You seem to be pretty clear about your likes and dislikes. You know sometimes I feel like it's also a matter of knowing a thing which can be so difficult to accept. We know things other straight guys (or if you dont like labels, guys who like girls) who aren't abused don't know...that can be so hard to wrap your head around.

_________________________
the family
the perp

Top
#367096 - 07/31/11 07:47 PM Re: sexual dysfunction. [Re: sono]
thefutureorbust Offline


Registered: 04/24/11
Posts: 171
Loc: NC
The problem is my inability to accept it wasn't my fault, that there is more then gay or straight, that sexuality is fluid, that the things I've felt and said in the past doesn't dictate who I am today. I read too much I think lol I have masculinity issues I need to get over

_________________________
"What does not kill me makes me stronger"

Top
#367097 - 07/31/11 07:51 PM Re: sexual dysfunction. [Re: thefutureorbust]
thefutureorbust Offline


Registered: 04/24/11
Posts: 171
Loc: NC
And I still fall into the habit of trying to prove I still like girls. Causes me to act out with them. When I was married I always had to initiate sex and be in control. I enjoyed fore play more then sex always. 50 percent of the time intercourse was enjoyable and 50 percent it was not.

_________________________
"What does not kill me makes me stronger"

Top
#367114 - 07/31/11 10:57 PM Re: sexual dysfunction. [Re: thefutureorbust]
sono Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/09
Posts: 1069
Not that one can't work on trying to internalize several concepts at once, but
Indeed getting your head around the first one you cited, that it wasn't your fault, is the one from which the others will come. A false sense of complicity is our biggest hurdle.

_________________________
the family
the perp

Top
#367115 - 07/31/11 11:01 PM Re: sexual dysfunction. [Re: sono]
thefutureorbust Offline


Registered: 04/24/11
Posts: 171
Loc: NC
Thanks man. Your right. I need to truly deeply believe it wasn't my fault. Very hard.

_________________________
"What does not kill me makes me stronger"

Top
#367201 - 08/01/11 10:53 PM Re: sexual dysfunction. [Re: thefutureorbust]
sono Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/09
Posts: 1069
FW,

If there need be any more proof of how fucked up CSA is, the fact you as a rational, educated man can actually need to learn that you are not at fault is proof enough. Add to that that every man here must learn the same lesson is simply astounding I think. Good luck man! Seriously though, don't underestimate how central that is to everything you're talking about in ways I can't even begin to describe. Guilt feeds so many negative thoughts and feelings.

_________________________
the family
the perp

Top
Page 2 of 2 < 1 2


Moderator:  ModTeam, peroperic2009 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.