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#286083 - 05/02/09 03:40 PM teen confusion?
Ken Singer, LCSW Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/24/00
Posts: 5778
Loc: Lambertville, NJ USA
I'm doing a national conf training in two weeks on victimization issues focused on adolescents. I'm aware of many issues but I'd like to be sure I don't leave anything important out for this.

The presentation is for professionals who work with adolescent abusers and since a lot of them were sexually abused before they abused others, it's important that professionals don't overlook or inadequately address the victimization issues of these kids.

I'd appreciate your feedback about what kinds of issues you struggled with as teenagers following your abuse so I can help sensitize these professionals in their work with this population.

Any suggestions/experiences would be appreciated. I'd like to have the input by 5/15 so I can add incorporate it in the workshop.

Thanks,
Ken


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#286106 - 05/03/09 12:08 AM Re: teen confusion? [Re: Ken Singer, LCSW]
sojourn111 Offline


Registered: 05/09/08
Posts: 86
Loc: midwest
I didn't abuse anybody sexually after being abused but as a teen I wrestled with and did the following:
1. Acted out sexually trying to compensate for the insecurity and destroyed identity
2. Anger - violently acted out on multiple occassions when people didn't respect my boundaries
3. Alcohol, hard liquor, marijuana, and rock cocaine use repeatedly from age 15 to 22 trying to bury the unresolved violations
4. Sexually abnormal interests in S&m, bondage, and violent bouts of unacted on SSA before serious counseling resolved them ages 16 to 24 in counseling
5. Depression occassionally still to this day, typically found release in substance use, sexual encounter or violence
6. Violent tendencies from CSA and physical abuse. Repeated fighting and brawling with and without weapons
7. Pain experimentation, some piercing and castration nightmares
8. Ages 12 to 14 damage to identity in private dressed in womens clothing and fantasized about being raped and raping
9. Ages 15 to 17 sought out child interested types in the city and when they hit on me hospitalized many of them
10. Inability to create and sustain relationships, deteriorated trust
11. Inability to have non sexual intimacy in friendships and opp sex relationships
12. Ages 9 to 22 anger/rage blackouts
13. Active sleep nightmares with vocalized hollering, conversations and physical movement of sleepwalking out of homes, campers for distances up to 1/4 mile
14. Age 10 to 14 violence against animals, tortured small animals on our farm in anger
15. Ages 9 to 16 anger blackouts and physically assaulted close friends and family members
16. Age 16 medicated and treated for inordinate interest in torture sex etc
17. Sociopathic nightmares and violent dreams about abusers counseling ages 14 to 20 specifically for that
18. Repeated physical challenges and problems with biological functions due to sodomization with foreign objects and the damage caused
I don't know what anyone else felt or went through but these were some of my teen issues frm all of it. Hope it helps. If they don't get it tell them to get a rectal cranial seperation and call me. I hope to God they understand the pandemic of it all.


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#286219 - 05/04/09 12:06 AM Re: teen confusion? [Re: sojourn111]
AndyS87 Offline


Registered: 12/12/08
Posts: 302
Loc: sorry, but I don't say on the ...
1.) One of the most vivid memories of my molestation was when my cousin had me watch him masturbate in my room. Years later and throughout my early teens I focused my fantasies on trying to stand in the same spot in the room as him, try to look like him, try to position myself the same way as him, and even try to use the same techniques I had seen him use.

2.) Throughout most of my teen years until 17 or 18 I would fantasize about sex with much younger boys, ranging from 7 to two or three years younger than me.

3.) At 13 while my parents were going through the worst stage of their divorce, I exposed myself to the 7 and 9 year old sons of a family I babysat for. I also used to sexually fantasize about those two kids, either me having sex with them or them manipulating or pushing me into allowing them to penetrate me. I was ridden with guilt by it. Several days later I went back across the street and told the mom everything. She said the kid had told her and her husband, and that although they were upset they were willing to forgive me because I had the conscience and the bravery to tell them what happened and admit I was wrong. They forgave me and were also the first people to ask if I had been molested. When I told them yes, they gave me so much more support then I felt I deserved. Throughout that entire time if I couldn't stand to be at home I could count on them having a place at their table set for me. It brings tears to my eyes to this day, and I'm sad that they are now so far away and I have lost contact. Anyway.....

3.) Throughout my early teens I was particularly sensitive to being called "fag" or "queer" by people who bullied me. I was sure that what had gone with my cousin was gay and that somehow these people knew about it and I was stigmatized because of it.

4.) Marked sexual orientation confusion. I felt and leaned towards being straight but until I recently resolved a lot of the abuse issues I felt at first that what happened meant I was gay and therefore would fantasize accordingly. In personal interactions I didn't actually want to sleep with my male friends, but evidently in fantasy land I did.

5.) Watched and masturbated to porn more often than I fantasized. This started when I was 14 and continues to this day.

6.) Like Sojourn I can't have a relationship with any women on an intimate level without having it be sexual.

7.) Had an obsession with other mens penises as well as my own penis. It was mainly focused on my feeling inferior compared to my cousin, but as I got older I realized that any guy who I thought was really cool or wished I could be like I fantasized that he would have a really big penis and would imagine myself having that. This one was directly related to my cousin masturbating in front of me, and another linked experience was that when I first started watching gay porn it was ALWAYS without exception solo masturbation porn, usually focused on young blond individuals who were well endowed. This was exactly how I perceived my cousin at the time of that particular incident. From 11-15 I would masturbate with a mirror, trying to block my face, and use the part of the mirror that magnified things to make myself look very large. I would also try and focus a shadow and masturbate to that because it made me look larger.

8.) If there were groups of male peers at school I wanted to be accepted by, especially in middle school, I would often sexualize that desire and fantasize about it.

9.) To this day I have had difficulties with receiving oral sex. Sometimes it just feels bad, sometimes it feels good, but I've never properly orgasmed from it. Then again aside from my cousin my sexual experience is limited to about 7 girls and only three of the have ever tried oral sex on me.

10.) 13-15 I was prone to explosive anger outbursts. Two incidences included me almost ripping a dishwasher out of the wall in a blind fury when I was 14 after a fight with my Mom. At fifteen my sister was harping on me relentlessly and I reacted by throwing a computer keyboard at her after smashing it on a desk about 13 times, then grabbing her chair and shaking it until it fell over, and then continuing to shake it while she was on the ground. I was purple and was screaming so loudly my neighbors called to ask if everything was ok. I also threatened to violently kill her several times and told her I didn't care if I went to prison because she'd be dead and gone from my life and I would be sentenced as a juvenile so I wouldn't even be in for that long.

11.) Periodically engaged in self mutilation and abuse from 14-21. I would often beat myself with a steel belt buckle that I wrapped around my hand and would hit myself in the jaw with it until I saw stars. I would also choke myself almost until the point of unconciousness. If I was extremely angry or depressed I would cut myself repeatedly on my left shoulder. Most of the cutting I would do with a razor which was difficult, but after I turned 18 and was able to buy knives I would use those.

12.) Even though I always felt horrible about it after, in my younger teen years I would either fantasize about punishing or hurting smaller children from ages 4 to 9 and watching them cry, or I would hurt my dog for not listening to me or for growling at me if his food was down or something. I remember one time when he snapped at me after I woke him up and I choked him until he started to gurgle. After that I was so upset that I was hurting a defenseless animal and MY dog, my best friend in the world who I would just put my head on while I was outside and fall asleep under a tree looking at the sky. I was maybe 13 when that happened. He just passed away a month before I turned 22 and in his last weeks I was the only person he would get up to greet when I walked in the door. I slept next to him on the floor the entire night the night before we had to put him down. That's a different story though.

That more or less covers it. I would do violent or hurtful things but I was always overwhelmed with a HORRIBLE sense of guilt after it. Most all of the sexual stuff I kept in my head and didn't let it go any further than that. It did cause me a lot of confusion though, especially because I didn't have my first kiss from a girl until I was 17. It was like I thought I liked girls but until I kissed that girl I wouldn't have known whether I liked it or not. She was the first and by far still the best kisser. Anyways, sorry, I get off track a lot. Hope this helps.


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