Newest Members
lilac, The Wife Of, smusab, whiteflag, North101
12287 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
adam319 (46), Bellemaman (36), Bob G. (58), S D Witwicky (38)
Who's Online
11 registered (86, ethereo222, Obi, Cthulhu, 4 invisible), 21 Guests and 3 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12287 Members
73 Forums
63226 Topics
442136 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Topic Options
#278282 - 03/05/09 01:28 AM What if?
Barkabus Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/09/08
Posts: 809
What if I can't forgive myself
What if I can't stop acting out
What if I can't see past my past
What if I don't deserve anything better
What if I don't want to be like everyone else
What if I don't do what I'm told
What if I fear the unknown
What if I like the pain
What if I cannot love

What if it doesn't matter if I don't survive



Top
#278284 - 03/05/09 01:40 AM Re: What if? [Re: Barkabus]
joelRT Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 09/11/08
Posts: 1357
Loc: Québec, Canada
.



Edited by joelRT (03/15/09 01:30 AM)
Edit Reason: leaving
_________________________
My Story 1
My Story 2
The longest journey we take is to self-discovery

Top
#278287 - 03/05/09 06:14 AM Re: What if? [Re: joelRT]
b869 Offline


Registered: 01/26/09
Posts: 767
Loc: Philippines
You know that's exactly what I'm thinking... all those what if....

_________________________

When thing get complicated go back to simplicity

Harvey Fierstein
Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.

Top
#278290 - 03/05/09 08:33 AM Re: What if? [Re: Barkabus]
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
i read your poem and i thought about for a few minutes. this image came to me of being in a little dingy, encompassed by fog, zero visibility 360 degress, in the midst of a huge body of water.

couldn't see behind, to the left, right or forward.

a refugee from the land i left behind, now a distant memory.

nothing in front of me but the hope of some clear view on the horizon.

then, lo and behold, morning breaks, the fog dissipates and what do i see ahead there in the distance? is that a mirage? do i see land? can it be true?

yes it's true after all, it is new land? joy of joys! i'm saved. hallelujah!!!

but wait.........

omg, what if the land is populated by unfriendly inhabitants? will they try to do me in?

what if i don't like what i find there?

what if my port of harbor is a ruse, and does not provide the safety i was hoping to find, some day?

maybe i can turn around, go back where i came from; at least things there were predictable. oh, no, that's not an option, there's an apb out for me there. if i return there, i risk prison, and possibly execution, perhaps by my own hand.

what are my options? return from exodus to my comfortable past, and face my demise or take my chances in a new america.

what if i never live long enough to escape the prison of what if's....?

....hey wait a minute, i see some figures on the beachfront up ahead........is that....no, it can't be.....yes that looks looks like.....it is!

it's brian, robbie, mark, derek, pete, ron, larry, john, eddie, dave.

you gotta be frikin kidding me? is that all there is?

well, it's not exactly the high life i was looking for, maybe i'll just stick around, give it some time and see what happens.

.......is that whack or what?

crazy

_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


Top
#286178 - 05/03/09 04:34 PM Re: What if? [Re: Sans Logos]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
But Mike, everyone matters. I don't believe there's ever a point where we can only throw up our hands in despair and give up. It has so often astonished me how the slightest thing could pull me back and make me keep going.

One such moment, when I was feeling totally worthless and could finally talk about it in therapy, came when my T looked across at me and asked me, "Larry, can you even imagine such a thing as a worthless child?" I couldn't. Then it hit me for real: I had only been a little child, 10 years old, innocent and defenseless. No "buts". It really was that simple.

I am still running on the reserves that "aha moment" gave me, and I think these moments can come for all of us. Our hope isn't something that can ever be taken away from us.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top


Moderator:  ModTeam, Publius 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.