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#285906 - 04/30/09 11:19 PM Misoganyst In The Making?
Eyes1111 Offline


Registered: 04/30/09
Posts: 34


Hi.

My name is Sam and this forum came to my attention by accident while surfing the internet one day. Before, I'd simply lurk and share space ominously, reading other experiences because there's a part of me that can relate.
Now, I've decided to join because there's a phase I've been going through that kind of relates to the experiences here. Well, except for the sexual assault thing. Partially. I was sexually assaulted when I was a little kid in kindergarten on three occassions, three days straight after school hours. Mobs of boys and girls would jump over me and pull my pants down at the rear entrance, screaming and shouting. Once my pants were to my ankles, they'd laugh and leave. Luckily I figured out their pattern and used the front entrance from then on. They never pestered me again.
That's the only thing I'd call a "Sexual Assault".
The reason I'm here is out of concern for my well being and need a cathartic outlet.
I was bullied by boys and girls in my youth. Now, as part of my healing, I've been fixing my attention on the girls and women who played a part in the torment.
The biggest experiences standing out were:

-Workers at a hospital in Ontario who yelled at me when doing their assigned activities wrong. (I was going for a diagnosis of autism at the time. Five years was my age). They were women.
-My grandmother forcing me to eat all my dinners during visitations at her place. Even though I didn't feel like eating anymore, she'd have none of that and sternly told me to finish it up or else. She told me often that I was too skinny and needed fattening up. (This occured in my childhood)
-My sister was friends with a group of girls, one of whom lived across the street from us in Brampton. She had a dog and they were gathered out in the front yard. Their dog then nipped me in the hand so suddenly and chased me up the tree on our own front yard. The girls laughed, walked away. Funny they didn't even think of stopping the dog (I never teased it or did anything that warranted such a response from the animal. Pre-adolescent at the time of this incident.)
-As the teenage boys in high school called me faggot, pussy, and other derogatory names, the girls were just as malicious, calling me freak and weirdo. One even mocked me for not using bad language and got a group of these teenagers invovled in the mocking and derision.
-My high school crush in computer class. We were great friends, until one day she was participating in a game where everyone was challenged to show their underwear. When she asked me too, I recoiled and said "No". She, and the others, chuckled like chimpanzees. "Go on." she teased, putting her hands on my pants. I batted her away and she just sneered while the others guffawed. The next day, her boyfriend threw me up against a locker and threatened to beat me up if I ever spoke with her again. All the while, she stood alongside him, grinning.
-My mother making derogtory comments about men on occassion. I can understand she had bad relationships, but did she have to generalise in front of me, a MALE?
-Assorted "Feminists" telling me the experiences above don't count as I am "Priveledged" as a male, negating any hardships. I once tried to explain to one I knew in real life that masculinity isn't all bad and she told me it wasn't my job to defend the patriarchy.


It's only now, after really examining and dealing with what happened in high school computer class that it changed me. I've had fits of inner rage so intense, it felt like a microwave heating something up. All those memories just came flooding out, all the anger, all the rage. Having speant so much time getting angry at boys and men I now realize another part of my rage regarding those incidents with women and girls needed attention and underestimated the mark it left on me.
Now, I cringe whenever there's news of women making history these days. Especially when they talk about feeling victimized by society. Used to also think "Feminism" was all about treating everyone equally. Until those comments about priveledge and defending the patriarchy came my way. Now, I guess there's no place for my experiences in their forum. Such a shame, really. I don't hate women or feminism. Just upset that the torment that happened to me at the hands of women is given the cold shoulder by them.
This is the only place I'll ever feel my experiences count. At least I hope so. This site does house men who have been sexually abused, yes. But there's hope you'll grant me the chance to air these grievences of mine, even if the majority bares no resemblance to real assault.
If anyone wishes to comment, please do. Because I don't know if my negative reactions will eventually lead to misogany. God, I'm so scared.


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#285920 - 05/01/09 01:42 AM Re: Misoganyst In The Making? [Re: Eyes1111]
Shadow+Walker Offline


Registered: 04/16/09
Posts: 287
Loc: desolate foggy nights, USA
Eyes1111,
You alone hold the power over how you will react to them. If you yield to hatred and bitterness then you give them power over you, and that will only help them prove their idiosyncratic point(s). Focus on becoming the person you dream of becoming. Be the most noble person of loving, selfless character and prove every one of them wrong.

I am sorry for your experience of being de-pantsed when you were a child. As a kindergartner you were just becoming aware of your own sense of independence and your privacy / modesty was well ingrained by this point. This was very traumatic for you and your experience in highschool was probably like a hyperlink to the emotions surrounding your kindergarten experience.

I was molested by a neighbor when I was kindergarten aged and I am sorting that out myself right now. The folks over at 1in6.org identify as survivors anyone who has experienced unwanted or abusive sexual experiences. Having your clothes torn off and being ridiculed and jeered at in a naked state of being qualifies, I am quite certain. They may not have forced you to perform sexual acts, but their behavior fits within the spectrum of sexual victimization. You did not deserve that ill treatment. You deserved to be respected as a brave and courageous kindergartner venturing into his childhood routine of walking to/from school. They didn't count on you being smart too, though. Good job finding a way to avoid them.

You may want to visit with a counselor to help you work through your thoughts and emotions. Often times schools and universities have counseling services available for free. If you are under an employers/parents health plan or there may be an Employee Assistance Program that you can utilize, sometimes they may cover a few visits for free.

Peace,
Shadow+Walker

_________________________
For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, love and self discipline. (St Paul, 2Timothy 1:7) NIV

Check out a cool song by a hot band..."Unbreakable" by Fireflight: official video at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pWRJAHaOrYg

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#285948 - 05/01/09 09:33 AM Re: Misoganyst In The Making? [Re: Shadow+Walker]
joelRT Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 09/11/08
Posts: 1357
Loc: Québec, Canada
Originally Posted By: Shadow+Walker
The folks over at 1in6.org identify as survivors anyone who has experienced unwanted or abusive sexual experiences. Having your clothes torn off and being ridiculed and jeered at in a naked state of being qualifies, I am quite certain. They may not have forced you to perform sexual acts, but their behavior fits within the spectrum of sexual victimization.
Eyes1111,
A a former mysoginist myself, and for having greatly researched the subject, I can tell you that mysoginy is set in early childhood. Rarely does one become a musoginist in adaulthood because he has suddenly taken all of the abuse that he intends to.

That being said, MaleSurvivor is a support community for men who've been sexually abused, no matter what form that abuse may have taken, and who are expressly dealing with issues as they relate to that abuse. You dont relate that your kindergartten experience has negatively impacted your life and is directly responsable for the issues that you do describe.

If reading the posts here at MS are helpfull to you and are enlightening then by all means keep reading.

Perhaps you could also find enlightenment here http://www.batteredmen.com/index.htm

_________________________
My Story 1
My Story 2
The longest journey we take is to self-discovery

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#285960 - 05/01/09 11:09 AM Re: Misoganyst In The Making? [Re: joelRT]
wes-b Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/17/07
Posts: 438
Loc: Western, Canada

Brother and fellow countryman Eyes1111;

I was blessed by reading your post... You are welcome at MS. When you went on about your mother my heart cried out to you. My thoughts went to my mother issues; Understand that it took some time before I began connecting with these and accepting that there was something significant there; it was easy to see my Cousin's and my Grandfathers abuses, but my Mom's NO!. I have, in retrospect, recognized more of it's impact. From my very early days (birth on) I was a disappointment to my mother; simply for being a boy I was supposed to be a girl and she let me know, physically(until ~4) and emotionally.

I am rambling on... and this is surely another post I need to make. Take a look at what Bradshaw and Others say about Emotional and Covert Abuse/Incest. I didn't put much creedence in the emotional or Covert stuff until I was in a group therapy session (mostly survivors) and a fellow in the group validated my emotional/covert wounds through his horror and my stuff, and I had always put his as being worse than mine... I minimized mine and stuffed it away where it festered and drove my depression and addictions (work/sex/food/tobacco).

I hope this is useful to you... lean into it and lean on your borthers and sisters of the wounds.

With love and support, Wes

_________________________
Happy to be a recovering survivor. :-)

Continuing to meet more of my fellows as I "Trudge the Road of Happy Destiny".

My Story, 1st pass

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#285963 - 05/01/09 11:21 AM Re: Misoganyst In The Making? [Re: Shadow+Walker]
Eyes1111 Offline


Registered: 04/30/09
Posts: 34
Originally Posted By: Shadow+Walker
Eyes1111,
You alone hold the power over how you will react to them. If you yield to hatred and bitterness then you give them power over you, and that will only help them prove their idiosyncratic point(s). Focus on becoming the person you dream of becoming. Be the most noble person of loving, selfless character and prove every one of them wrong.

I am sorry for your experience of being de-pantsed when you were a child. As a kindergartner you were just becoming aware of your own sense of independence and your privacy / modesty was well ingrained by this point. This was very traumatic for you and your experience in highschool was probably like a hyperlink to the emotions surrounding your kindergarten experience.

I was molested by a neighbor when I was kindergarten aged and I am sorting that out myself right now. The folks over at 1in6.org identify as survivors anyone who has experienced unwanted or abusive sexual experiences. Having your clothes torn off and being ridiculed and jeered at in a naked state of being qualifies, I am quite certain. They may not have forced you to perform sexual acts, but their behavior fits within the spectrum of sexual victimization. You did not deserve that ill treatment. You deserved to be respected as a brave and courageous kindergartner venturing into his childhood routine of walking to/from school. They didn't count on you being smart too, though. Good job finding a way to avoid them.

You may want to visit with a counselor to help you work through your thoughts and emotions. Often times schools and universities have counseling services available for free. If you are under an employers/parents health plan or there may be an Employee Assistance Program that you can utilize, sometimes they may cover a few visits for free.

Peace,
Shadow+Walker



You know, Shadow-Walker, what you said about becoming aware of my sense of independance and privacy, this made me think: I've always been very precocious as a little boy, with a keen sense of awareness higher than others. Even at six years old, parts of daily life seemed to really impact me and I developed an early understanding of them in addition to a unique take on how things operate.



Oh, as far as therapy, I do see a psychiatrist once a month. It's been this way for years, since turning twenty. (In case you're wondering, I'm currently thirty-one years old).

There's also a play I'm working on; one man show that deals with this topic of male sexual abuse. Sorely needed, indeed, after realizing just how far-reaching the topic is. Just not in the limelight it should be, compared to female sexual abuse.





Edited by Eyes1111 (05/01/09 11:26 AM)

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#286049 - 05/01/09 11:32 PM Re: Misoganyst In The Making? [Re: Eyes1111]
Shadow+Walker Offline


Registered: 04/16/09
Posts: 287
Loc: desolate foggy nights, USA
Cheers for the play you are authoring. You are right, this is a very important issue and often times marginalized.

Yeah, I was wondering about your approximate age so I wouldn't have to be so vague in the age appropriatenesss of my response.

Welcome to MS!

Peace,
Shadow+Walker

_________________________
For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, love and self discipline. (St Paul, 2Timothy 1:7) NIV

Check out a cool song by a hot band..."Unbreakable" by Fireflight: official video at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pWRJAHaOrYg

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