Why do I wake up crying?
Why do I wake to the same dream, waking up next to someone, terrified, but unable to get away?
Why have I never been able to share a bed with some one, to sleep?

Mike
I too know the solitude of the dark night, and sleep meds give me intense dreams. I stopped dreaming while asleep in the mid 1980's and in Oct/2007 I started to dream again. It was the sleep meds trazadone and ambien that got the dreams started again.

I was unable to tell the diference between wide awake turmoil and asleep nightmares. Thislasted untill almost Nov/2008 even though I was only using the sleep meds as needed.

Now I sleep without dreams most of the times and I guess it just took time and healing to correct the problem.

The dreams were erotic and not scary or related to the abduction/assault, but very realistic. I wrote them down upon awakening in my journal I started in mid-July 2007 after I first started talking about the 1978 assauly.

I was always so boommed out on meds and alcohol trying to numb the pain that I never had anxiety prior to sleep.

I believe I am perfectly normal for what happened to me. It is normal for us to have insomnia and sleep disorder as a result of the trauma.

Google up some info on Rape Related Post-Traumatic Traumatic Stress Disorder, RR-PTSD and some of the research of Dr. David Lisak of the University of Boston. I don't have the same form of abuse he researches but his studies and papers have been a big factor in my understanding.

Keep on Bro

Hi Mike
I have read a couple of your postings and just wanted to thank you for sharing your experience. I wasn't sure if there would be a lot of gay males on here and thought I might struggle to find guys in a more similar position to me. I feel like I have got the right site now and I think your postings have helped that.
With regards to sleeping......I struggle alone and with someone too but haven't try the with someone for a while.
I have posted an introduction but that is as far as I have got.
AK