SMP,
With all due respect, you are very new to this site. This issue is very real to all of us here. Because we have all been sexually abused masturbation is a topic that needs to be engaged in a constructive manner. If you would like to argue the moral virtues of not masturbating I would suggest posting on the Religion for Survivors.
Thanks,
mike

Dear Pat Robertson eeerrr...SMP. Ooops, whack,boff... that was a moderator giving me another penalty for highsticking. Only kidding. Sorry SMP, I totally think yer offside on this one. Peace.

I always masturbated daily until last May when i ended the silence and told my wife about my SA. at the age of 52 after being married for 20 years. My wife alse throught I was over sexed and liked the fact that I masturbated, that way I wasn,t alse bugging her for sex.
Well it was a totally different after I told my wife about the SA. I just stopped jerking off and starting to have some of the best sex ever with my wife. Man I couldn't believe how great the love making became once it was the only thing in my life.
So I can.t say that masturbating is bad but Love was so much better when I didn't masturbate daily.
Like Cement and Lloydy I have fallen this last week. The wife is out of town and I have been under lots of stress at work. Well guess that life.
Muldoon

Hey Muldoon. Here's to wives and lovers. I guess the ultimate circumstance might be to make regular unbridled love to your partner, jerk off every now and again .... while fantasizing about your wife ..or lover! A novel thought.

Hey SMP,

I just want to encourage you not to listen to anyone who wants to discourage you from posting. Over two years ago somebody gave me his oppinion on the subject which was similar to yours:
I tried giving it up and it actually worked. I also tried to convince myself that everybody else did it and therfore it was o.k. but every time I did it for twenty years I still felt disgusted with my self afterwards. Even when I was an athiest, and even in recent years when it became socially exceptable to admit to doing it. You can say anything you want about God in this forum. There is a section for gay survivors and I've never heard anyone tell another member to get out and only post there, I don't think they should and I don't think you should. This is all part of healing.

I've listened to and tried your advice and tried the advice of those who critiqued your post. In my experience: your advice works and thier's doesn't. And believe me I tried thier's ten times longer than I tried yours.

Some people can only hear what they want to hear, and some are open to the truth. So I say keep telling the truth.

Sleepy: I think SMP is trying to tell you something"
Andrew: You are really making your point by making hockey references to a guy from Jerusalem. (P.s. Gretzky left Edmonton 20 years ago and he's never coming back... deal with it).

Les_Angry

Thanks for the tip Les. Never noticed that SMP comes from Israel. By the way, Gretz got traded 14 years ago. I lived in Toronto at the time..and Canada has never gotten over it. Great player.
Also thanks for the well thought out right wing Christian agenda response. Beware the mongoose.
Brrrr..shiver me timbers.

SMP
If your beliefs get you through the day, then that's ok - feel free to talk about it.

Us atheists might have different methods, and the two sides might disagree, but let's respect each others views.

Dave

Muldoon

how come I know this, but can't get my head around doing it ?

If there's a secret to this - will someone please share it with me. :rolleyes:

Matt

that's so true, we were all probably raised to be religious in one faith or another and masturbation was always a sin, and outside religion society reflected the same moral standard.
So we grew up being told by adults not to do it - and then some other adult comes along and makes us do it !!!
Is it any wonder we have mixed up ideas about it ?

And is there any religion or society where masturbation is acceptable ? Just wondering....

Ok, second half - and let's keep it clean guys.

Dave

Hey guys,
I'm sorry to cause such an up roar over this. I wished I hadn't written that last night because I didn't have a clear head. I don't want to discourage anyone from posting anything so I'm sorry SMP. I didn't mean to attack you on your beliefs. I don't think I realized how charged of a topic this is.

The reason I got a little hot over these comments was nicely said by Lloydy.
These are things that I don't feel I have much control over. Zadok1 said this in "afraid of who I must become."
I see it as being very similar to telling a drug addict to just stop taking drugs because they're bad for you. Do you think they'll just stop? I doubt it. So if you tell some surivor of sexual abuse to just stop masturbating because it is bad for you for whatever reason, do you think they'll stop? You have to engage it in very constructive ways. And Ken's article is very good in this respect.

For the record, I try to not look at porn and for the most part I do not. As a survivor, I don't see any benifit in it. I'm also trying to curb some of my masturbation. The compulsiveness of it is very distracting. And in a perfect world I wish I didn't partake in any of these bahaviors. Take care guys.
mike

I will chime in.

In general, the hairs on my neck stand up when someone gives opinion stated as fact. I get tingly in my forelobes when that opinion implies judgment about behaviors that are murkily rooted in abnormal sexualization for us (survivors).

My back gets ramrod straight when, here, where we share our most difficult struggles, those comments are not accompanied by any personal experience of struggle. Am I being too vague?

I do not wish to flame anyone, just let it be known that we are all trying to get perspective on masturbation because we all feel guilty about some aspect of it: frequency, fantasy, loss of intimacy or guilt itself, ironically.

I, for one, do not need to be reminded of reasons I should continue to feel guilty.

I applaud everyone who has defeated their own demons and moved on. I would benefit from hearing about their struggle and what their strategy was in their victory. Just please don't lecture me.

I give a standing ovation to my brothers who come here and lay their experience bare to help themselves and others. I embrace all my brothers.

I do not speak for anyone but myself, unless you agree with me; then I speak for you, too.

James the blunt