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#285337 - 04/25/09 05:00 PM A short story of me. Right now.
Chucky74 Offline


Registered: 04/15/09
Posts: 17
Loc: Australia
NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!
There are no other letters when placed side by side that invoke so much power! A word so easy to say that it is very likely one of the first words we all learn. A singular concept that we all understand as an absolute. There is no half way with this word. This one little word could have changed our lives immeasurably for the better.

I stand at the precipice of a fearfully dark and bottomless pit. I have been here before. I know it well. It would be so easy to step forward and let the darkness embrace me. So easy. I have done so in the past, only to be snatched back the instant before oblivion, by people who cared. Those people are gone now. Taken from me. I teeter alone on the brink. So easy.
NO! That one indomitable word.
NO! I will not let this beat me.
NO! I refuse to let them win.
NO! Not now.
NO! Not ever.
NO! I Scream endlessly into the maelstrom.

There is nothing left of me. I huddle in a corner weeping for my lost childhood. I cower in fear of the horrors perpetrated against the innocent that I was. I avoid what should be the sanctuary of restful, peaceful sleep, because there lurk demons that I cannot hope to combat. My consciousness flits from one state to another, searching for somewhere to land, but finds nothing tangible. There is nothing left. No happiness. No hope. No peace. Nothing. Yet still I refuse to capitulate. I will not let my past devour me. And I will not step willingly into the void.

I have depleted what little reserves of energy remain within, yet the onslaught continues. Now I face a new enemy. One I have never before encountered. One I didn't even know existed. From out of the depths of my past come phantoms that stab at me with poisoned blades. Attacking me when I am least prepared. Paralyzing me with fear. I circle hoping to catch a glimpse of this new threat, but see nothing. Then again from behind, another precision stab. This unknown assailant knows me better than I know myself, and every strike is devastating. How can I hope to defend against an opponent that I can not see. I am so tired. The poison works its evil on my already exhausted form. Ethereal claws grasp at my skin and unholy wraiths whisper prophesies of doom in my ears. They sing an enticing sirens song of eternal rest. But at what cost? No I will not succumb. I have come this far, and reinforcements lie just beyond the next ridge.

This is me. Right now. Everything above is parable to what I am struggling with. One day I will tell the story of the Invisible Boy. But not at the moment. I am spent.
NO! I won't go quietly into the night.
NO! I will not accept that my past is who I am now.
NO! I am not going to take the easy way out.
NO! I am not to proud to ask for help.
NO! I'm not crazy.(Not completely.)
NO! Longer alone.
(Thats the most important one.)

Thank you all for being you, and for letting me be me.


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#285341 - 04/25/09 05:19 PM Re: A short story of me. Right now. [Re: Chucky74]
wes-b Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/17/07
Posts: 438
Loc: Western, Canada

I am blessed by your being here.

Take care my brother, Wes

_________________________
Happy to be a recovering survivor. :-)

Continuing to meet more of my fellows as I "Trudge the Road of Happy Destiny".

My Story, 1st pass

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#285343 - 04/25/09 05:48 PM Re: A short story of me. Right now. [Re: wes-b]
joelRT Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 09/11/08
Posts: 1357
Loc: Québec, Canada
Keep talking Chucky, we hear and we are listening - what you have to say matters to us.

_________________________
My Story 1
My Story 2
The longest journey we take is to self-discovery

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#285357 - 04/25/09 09:20 PM Re: A short story of me. Right now. [Re: joelRT]
Dusty Boy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/15/08
Posts: 280
Loc: Australia
Chucky74,
Way to go Chucky. You have strength, courage and determination. your post was really powerfull. Keep shareing with us, we do care.
Dusty


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#285360 - 04/25/09 10:06 PM Re: A short story of me. Right now. [Re: Dusty Boy]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2451
Loc: TEXAS
Hi Dusty Boy,

You surely aren't alone, here take our hand, we will help you. All I can offer you is my compassion, understanding and love.

Powerful post.

Heal well my brother/friend.

Pete (Irishmoose)

_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


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