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#283761 - 04/15/09 11:52 AM Re: He came face to face [Re: here4him]
joelRT Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 09/11/08
Posts: 1357
Loc: Québec, Canada
No Thank-Yous are necessary!

I am really pleased for you both about the new T - know that we are all behind you and are hoping for the best.

Sadly, it is often what you state - many Ts just suck at it, but it is worth it to keep looking 'till you finally hit the one that you fit with.

_________________________
My Story 1
My Story 2
The longest journey we take is to self-discovery

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#283764 - 04/15/09 12:38 PM Re: He came face to face [Re: here4him]
Daniel_forgotten Offline


Registered: 02/07/09
Posts: 479
joelRT, now i can see it clearer


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#283771 - 04/15/09 01:26 PM Re: He came face to face [Re: Daniel_forgotten]
MPackard Offline


Registered: 12/09/08
Posts: 43
Loc: MS
H4H, I hope your H T was a good one....along these lines I wanted to ask you, Joel, if you think that a T that specializes in compulsive behaviors (and the underlying causes) can be considered a good T for a CSA survivor? H has been talking to her for about 5 mos and they spend a LOT of time on his CSA. I should point out that he is also an alcoholic and gambling addict.
Problem is, we're in S MS and there aren't any CSA specialists, per se....
But....he does seem to have some regular break-throughs. Re: nightmares and flashbacks....she actually told him that he may ALWAYS have these but that he's giving them too much power. The dreams have caused him to question his sexuality even though he's not attracted to men in a romantic way. She told him that since it was what he was first exposed to and that it probably felt good on some level that he would always have that memory and the dreams. She said that if he had been prematurely introduced to sex by a 50yo woman in a dark closet then he'd probably always have dreams of sex in dark closets but it wouldn't distress him because it was a woman....am i (or should I say-she) making any sense?


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#283779 - 04/15/09 02:12 PM Re: He came face to face [Re: MPackard]
joelRT Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 09/11/08
Posts: 1357
Loc: Québec, Canada
MPackard,

You're making sense - I'm too sure about the T however.

If your husband is indeed making breakthroughs that are translating into positive and measurable changes in his daily living then his T is helpfull. If, however, his breakthoughs remain at the discovery level, simply give him new information to fill his head with, that's necessarily helpfull. Therapy is a forward moving process and its progress must be measurable in a concrete way for it to be effective.

However, in regards to his CSA issues? Anyone of us here can tell that we don't make too much of our nightmares and our flashbacks. There isn't a man amongst who wouldn't pay big money indeed to be free of these often paralyzing and terrifying manifestations. A T specialized in Male CSA isuues would understand that and know how to respond in an appropriate fashion.

Your husband's T has made him responsable for what comes to him unbidden - as though he is guilty of having been traumatized. I ask you, does that make sense to you?

A member just posted about EMDR therapy, let give you that link. http://www.emdr-therapy.com/emdr.html

_________________________
My Story 1
My Story 2
The longest journey we take is to self-discovery

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#283914 - 04/16/09 01:28 PM Re: He came face to face [Re: here4him]
here4him Offline


Registered: 01/09/09
Posts: 21
We went to see the new therapist today. He already comes off more knowledgeable than the others. He didn't jump right into the session he took a few minutes to introduce himself and give a brief background. DH asked me to come into the room with him. I guess he draws on my strength he said if I didn't come in he wouldn't be able to talk about it. So I started it off for him and sat quietly (only speaking when spoken to).
I'm EXTREMELY proud of him, he did really well. I understand how difficult it was to go through as a child and to have to "live" it again to try to move past it. He wasn't too happy about me having told about his suicide attempts but i told him this is not the time or place to fudge details. So i bought him lunch and he's now home fast asleep I just hope we're doing the right thing.he'd rather not talk about it at all and i repeatedly tell him he can only do this for himself. Thank you all for being the angels on my shoulder on this journey. I know it's just beggining and that the hard part is far from over, but it feels damn good to have jumped this hurdle. I only hope he feels the same and realizes just how well he did and how strong he is.


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#284623 - 04/20/09 05:30 PM Re: He came face to face [Re: joelRT]
MPackard Offline


Registered: 12/09/08
Posts: 43
Loc: MS
Thank you, Joel, for that link. I actually started EMDR several weeks ago for my own FOO traumas. I can already feel a difference in mind movies and such.
Regarding your post, is it your opinion, then, that proper T for a CSA survivor can erase the flashbacks and dreams?
Can you tell me what you would consider measurable progress? This has only been a few months. I'll say that he's only had one nightmare in the last few months and it didn't frighten him once he was awake, and that is truly progress. The dream itself scared him but it di'nt linger and ruin the entire day.
There are still several issues with his self esteem (nil) and his inability to imagine why I would love him, or even comprehend what that means.


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#285091 - 04/23/09 03:18 PM Re: He came face to face [Re: here4him]
MzM Offline


Registered: 04/21/09
Posts: 5
Loc: between AR & FL
H4H,
Bless your heart, girl! My BF is a CSA survivor, who was abused by an older male cousin who is a preacher and is STILL welcomed to family events, etc., even though they all know what he did. This is probably why my BF chooses to live thousands of miles from family. I have often wished I could meet that man at the door with a 45, for what he did to my BF. I just hope I NEVER meet him, for fear that I'd automatically go into "click" mode. I'm glad your husband is going to a therapist. Wish my BF would. Wish you the best!


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