What you experienced with your father's passing was truly a very sad event. You will probably always feel some sadness when you remember that event. Often when guys go through something like that they have to work it through with an understanding person. It might take weeks or months or even years to pull out of that grief. We call it mourning.
I was there when my Dad died. He was in the hospital with cancer. But I was 25, 10 year older than you were. It was tough to bear. We knew he didn't have too much longer to be with us, so it wasn't a great shock. But it was still very difficult. I pressed the button that called the nurse. She ran out and we heard over the speaker "code blue", room such and such. Immediately about 5 doctors and nurses poured into the room and started doing stuff. My mother and I went out of the room. They weren't able to do anything to help. I felt some guilt: "Should I have done something besides press the button?" What could I have done? Nothing. Code blue doesn't mean he was dead, it means that he is in a very endangered situation which requires all immediate and available medical attention.
When we face a loss we go through 5 predictable stages of grief. Some might last a second or two or years. These stages are also faced by a kid going through abuse. The moment of hesitation before the medical team entered the room was the 1st stage of grief for me. It is called denial. It only lasted a few minutes for me then. Sometimes denial after abuse lasts for years or even a lifetime. Sometimes guys who get abused are never willing to face it and get help.
Afterward I was a bit angry with myself because I had hesitated a moment before pressing the nurse call button. Also, could I have done something more? This was the next stage of grief for me. Often I see on TV news where somebody has been hurt, the nearest relative will show anger: "They should have done more . . .". "I should have done . . .". Or, commonly: "They did the wrong thing . . .". That is the anger stage of grief.
Sometimes we can become stuck in one of these stages of grief and not move on. Survivors of abuse sometimes get stuck in this "denial phase" and refuse to deal with their hurt. I have several friends in this category. They see years pass and are not willing to face what they went through and get some help to deal with it. They could be feeling much better by working it through. Also their wives and if they have any kids could be feeling better if they worked it through.