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#28476 - 03/15/05 01:45 AM Getting in touch with my anger
Logan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/05/03
Posts: 1205
Loc: NY
I have not feel angry (overtly) in a long time. I know this sounds good but what has replaced it is this overwhelming feeling of shame. I mean i have been forcing myself to dicuss eveything in therapy, and now i feel like there's nowhere to hide.

you know, I really liked feeling outwardly angry and agressive instead of feeling the pervaisive anxiety that has been sticking to me lately.

The aggression made me feel powerful and masculine and strong. and i havent had that in a long time. I think that's why i liked drinking so much, it was instant access to that in wealth of anger-but i think its also what got me in trouble most of the time.

The main problem I face now (there are many) is that Iam stuck in that I have not been moving forward in my life, i guess I've always kinda felt this way and acted it out in always acomplishing what I need to almost to full completion and at the very end sabataging myself and quiting.

I feel sooo much weaker than when i began this prosses in therapy a few months ago-I'm scared to go on with it.

I wanna feel Tough again!
I wanna feel strong and powerful, and not vonurable.
I wanna feel, but not to much so that it feels like its overwhelming and emotional.

I feel like i'm losing my self and my concept of my self as I used to see my self.

I feel scared all the time like i'm transparent. I feel like cowering in the corner, like i have giving in and lost the fight. i don't think i have much or any will to continue fighting.

Logan

_________________________
"Terrible thing to live in Fear"-Shawshank Redemption
WOR Alumnus Hope Springs 2009
"Quite a thing to live in fear, this is what is means to be a slave"
-Blade Runner

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#28477 - 03/15/05 10:08 AM Re: Getting in touch with my anger
sadanddown Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/26/04
Posts: 191
Loc: Gaboogistan
Logan,

When you said this "The main problem I face now (there are many) is that Iam stuck in that I have not been moving forward in my life, i guess I've always kinda felt this way and acted it out in always acomplishing what I need to almost to full completion and at the very end sabataging myself and quiting."

That hit me, because I have done that my entire life. I'm used to it now...I tend to do the same thing. It sounds like you and I are kind of in the same spot as far as therapy. I started my therapy a couple months ago also and it has challenged who I am. I am feeling quiet lost as to who I am, although I think who I was wasn't me...I hope that makes sense. I've been feeling a sort of loss that is hard to explain.

Keep at it though, nobody said it was easy \:\)

Jon

_________________________
I find I have to be the sad clown, laughing on the outside...crying on the inside.

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#28478 - 03/15/05 02:28 PM Re: Getting in touch with my anger
grendyl Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/04/03
Posts: 31
Loc: US West Coast
I also am sitting in the same position. I don't know what the solution is, but I thought it may help to know you are not alone.

I don't want to negate what anything else says re: therapy, but I think it is a powerful tool that can be quite healing, but if misused or applied incorrectly by a therapist can do serious damage. Walk carefully IMO, at a pace that is comfortable for you. I am probably not the best person to give advice though.


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#28479 - 03/15/05 03:13 PM Re: Getting in touch with my anger
markgreyblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 5400
Loc: Pasadena, CA
- why you want the trappings of a life - and not a life -
if something not working for you - than it not for you - it the lie that someone taught you -
maybe that not the nature of your happiness -
find something else that does let you know
what that is - - ? maybe you have a great sense of humor - (which you do i think) maybe you really handsome -
maybe you a nice friend to have - loyal - honest -
or caring -
there are many many things - that make a person -
special - loved - and great to have around -
nobody perfection - thank goodness - you have a powerful writing voice - you stronger than you think -

(((logan))))

_________________________
"...do not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous



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#28480 - 03/15/05 03:15 PM Re: Getting in touch with my anger
markgreyblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 5400
Loc: Pasadena, CA
your ability for clarity is a great strength -

_________________________
"...do not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous



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#28481 - 03/15/05 07:12 PM Re: Getting in touch with my anger
Andrew Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/25/03
Posts: 1192
Sometimes therapy can leave a person feeling vulnerable. My experience is that often I had to take two steps backwards in order to take three steps forward. Peace, Andrew

_________________________
there is no courage without anxiety

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#28482 - 03/15/05 08:00 PM Re: Getting in touch with my anger
markgreyblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 5400
Loc: Pasadena, CA
Logan - also

i think whether you realize it or not -

YOU ARE STRONGER NOW
that you can talk about what you want and feel honestly -
and
YOU ARE DEALING well
- extremely good job!
Getting help is strength!

You may feel weak - but it's a start -

I am now dealing with myself honestly -
all I can say is -
not perfectly strong -
not perfectly anything here -
I am doing the best I can

learning and moving forward
on the things I want to achieve - like healing - like finding work
and a mate -

YOU ARE DOING GREAT LOGAN!

congrats! and hats off - keep going!

Mgb

_________________________
"...do not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous



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