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#336764 - 07/25/10 04:13 AM Re: Accepting what happened...? [Re: ericc]
Lantern Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 10/19/06
Posts: 55
Loc: UK
I've been a way from this site for a while, but I've re-found this thread I made, and I just wanted to say thank you to everyone for replying.

I've re-read this thread about three times!

Yes I think I am stopping myself from accepting that something happened, that it was embarrassing and hurtful and I was afraid, all those feelings are there, I just don't feel them yet. I need to let them out. I don't know how. The boy in me feels just "locked up," nothing can get in or come out, just all this fear whenever something triggers me (which can be absolutely anything, it's constant). It's like he's in charge of my life, but he doesn't see the world normally, just in terms of threats, and if I ignore them (because they aren't threats), he feels I'm ignoring him or that I don't care. But I do. I do care. I just don't know how to handle him.

The friend I referred to only knows "I was abused," that's all.

I don't have any close friends, I don't think anyone would want to listen to me talk about it - kind of ironic since I don't even want to accept it myself.

I want to try and stick around here for a bit this time, thanks again for all the posts so far, they've been very helpful smile

_________________________
It's not what you've lost, but it's what you've found

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#336778 - 07/25/10 09:57 AM Re: Accepting what happened...? [Re: Lantern]
Geeders Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/03/08
Posts: 1901
Loc: Peterborough, Ontario, Canada
Welcome back Lantern.

I think as males, its often difficult, or even impossible to allow ourselves to think of ourselves as having been victimized. We just are not raised with that concept as a possible outcome of any of life's journey. To deviate from the path society has dictated for us just causes us more pain. We don't fit in anywhere, and we're sure that there could not be another poor slob like us anywhere on this planet. Yet at the same time, wherever we go, we look at another fellow and wonder if it could have happened to him, while making sure that nothing draws attention to ourselves. Its really messed up, I know.

The fact that you have seen a T in the past, and the fact that you are here where we "get it" does seem to mean that you have accepted, at least to some degree, that it happened to you. Maybe what you might want to examine is not so much that it happened, but how it makes you feel, and allow yourself the opportunity to feel sad, mad, pissed off, have a cry, anything to start the process of getting it out.

Feel free to rant, rave, scream, whatever you need to do right here. We will hear you. We will believe you. We will support you. We've all been there. We get it.

Now, given that you are in the UK, you might want to check out www.amsosa.com . Its run by a guy named Steve. Great fellow.

Cheers!

Jim

_________________________
My name is Jim
WoR Mysthaven 2008, Level 2 WoR Alta 2009, Kirkridge 2010, 2011, Oprah 200 men

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#336808 - 07/25/10 01:42 PM Re: Accepting what happened...? [Re: Geeders]
Lantern Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 10/19/06
Posts: 55
Loc: UK
Hi Geeders,

Thanks for the reply! I am still seeing a therapist - I took a two year break and started seeing her again a couple of months ago. We've had a discussion, though, about me not looking at her when I talk about this stuff. I think that's to help me dissociate myself from the words I'm saying.

I feel like I want to get angry at the guy who did this, but I can't, or that I should be crying, but I can't. It's almost like I think I can still stop it from happening... uh maybe that's it...

Thanks for the invitation to rant etc. smile My problem is that I have difficulties being emotional about it. I really appreciate the welcome though, maybe I'll stick around a bit smile

Keep well.

_________________________
It's not what you've lost, but it's what you've found

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#336875 - 07/26/10 03:46 AM Re: Accepting what happened...? [Re: Lantern]
Hopeful1 Offline


Registered: 07/22/09
Posts: 18
Loc: Pacific Northwest
Mike Lew says that the key to healing is feeling. I believe he is right. He says men block out their feelings because socially and culturally we aren't supposed to feel. I think he's partly wrong about that. I think I blocked out my emotions because they were really painful and difficult to deal with. I also think I blocked off part of my mind because I was afraid of what I would find there.

_________________________
Now hope that is seen is not hope, For who hopes for what he sees? (Rom. 8:24)

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#336889 - 07/26/10 09:52 AM Re: Accepting what happened...? [Re: Hopeful1]
LW1527 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/14/08
Posts: 408
Loc: Salt Lake City Ut
I too have left and come back. Welcome back. I hope this will prove a healing place for you as I hope it is for me. I think this is a good place to be.


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