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#284282 - 04/18/09 08:03 PM At what point.......
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
At what point in my recovery, healing, moving on do I stop using my abuse as an excuse to act out or act in or just be lazy and not do the things I know I should to keep myself safe and healthy?

At what point do I realize, face the fact and accept that it was not my fault? That I am not that person anymore? That it was something that was done TO me and did not turn me into a monster of some sort?

At what point do I forgive myself for things I have done?

At what point do I forgive myself for the thoughts that come unbeckoned into my mind?

At what point do I grow up and accept the responsibility for the actions and behaviors that I know are wrong but still at times want to do?

At what point did I become an informed and willing participant in my abuse?

At what point do I stop looking back and looking in and looking down and start looking forward?

At what point does the little boy in me accept that I will take care of him and will not hurt him or allow him to be hurt anymore?

At what point do I let go of the hate, resentment, hurt, pain, and begin looking for the beauty, joy, love and companionship that I need?

At what point do I begin focusing on the good things in my life, the good people in my life, and the good in me and start cultivating those?

At what point do I realize and accept that my only real problem right now is me and the only real solution lies within me?

At what point do I cease to be a victim and begin the process of being the victor?

As I sit here this afternoon pondering these questions, I am beginning to feel my life is reaching a turning point. There are many things that I was not taught in my youth that would have spared me much misery if I had been taught and listened.

Instead, there was way too much I was taught in those formative years that was unhelpful to say the least. It has been very difficult on me and those I dearly loved to have to learn all of that good stuff the hard way. I am still learning and still growing up even at 60 years old.

Some of the questions above I have found answers to that work for me. Others I still ponder and am working on. I do think however, that for me they hold significance for my recovery so I continue to seek and work for meaningful solutions.

They tell me recovery is not a goal but a process. I think it is both. I believe if only for me, if there is no progress toward some of the above questions then the process is stalled and needs adjustment. Just my opinion.

Now where is my ice cream?


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#284300 - 04/18/09 10:23 PM Re: At what point....... [Re: Freedom49]
wes-b Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/17/07
Posts: 438
Loc: Western, Canada

Thx Bro

I've asked those questions... at time with high volumes and cursing (certainly with gnashing of teeth). For me I find when I am wonding when with this end and when will I make progress if I take a moment to look back down the track I see that I am making progress... When I look ahead on a lifelong journey like recovery the horizon always seems to be off in the distance I'm just not getting closer to the destination.

I was just reminded to make gratitude lists when I met with my sponsor this morning, and I can make a nice list by looking at the road I've travelled since getting on the recovery train.

Love and healthy wishes, Wes

_________________________
Happy to be a recovering survivor. :-)

Continuing to meet more of my fellows as I "Trudge the Road of Happy Destiny".

My Story, 1st pass

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#284511 - 04/20/09 12:27 AM Re: At what point....... [Re: wes-b]
ericc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/04/08
Posts: 1961
Roger,

All tough, but valid questions. I'd say to the first one, that you should stop using your abuse as an excuse for bad behaviors that are not healthy as soon as possible. Not because there isn't validity to the abuse being linked to such behaviors, but because continuing in such behaviors only keeps us trapped in the abuse itself. We may have been victimized by others first, but we continue to victimize ourselves through our actions, behaviors, thought patterns, etc. At some point we need to be able to accept and truly know that we are more worthy than that. Treating oneself well I believe is a sign that one is making progress, and I think to get there one sometimes needs to consciously make choices that lead in that direction knowing that the alternatives are nothing but hindrances hurting no one but ourselves. Are we not worthy of something more? I say yes, and believe that answering no just keeps one trapped. This is not always easy to do but I think it is important.

I'd like to concur with Wes in that I may have some bad days, but if I look back and see the changes in my life I'd have to say there has been progress. And for that I am grateful. More to go? Sure, but things are better.

Eric


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#284528 - 04/20/09 12:54 AM Re: At what point....... [Re: ericc]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
Eric
Thank you and thank you Wes for your comments and insight. I agree with you. To continue to feel sorry for myself and continue to make the wrong choices you are correct I am just continuing to the abuse. As I said for some I do think that I have found some answers to. For others I am still pondering.

Ice cream helps. :-)


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#284537 - 04/20/09 01:07 AM Re: At what point....... [Re: Freedom49]
ericc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/04/08
Posts: 1961
Treating oneself nice certainly helps, and I'd say ice cream can be a pretty nice treat!!


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#284561 - 04/20/09 09:30 AM Re: At what point....... [Re: ericc]
rew-nz Offline


Registered: 01/27/09
Posts: 32
Loc: New Zealand
too much ice-creame and not enough exercise makes my shirts shrink! The older I get the more they shrink!


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