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#28399 - 03/15/05 12:27 AM new here
jonny Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 03/14/05
Posts: 7
Loc: london
Hey all.
Im new here. Just thought i'd say hello. Im a 38 year old man. My abuse started age 3, continued for 3 years or so (i think). Family friend living in my folks house. I suppose that ive kept the memories burried for the large part of my life, They lived in a remote locked room in the back of my head somewhere and would only occassionly find their way to the front. Certain crisis in my life have caused me to finally face up to my abuse... a few months ago in fact, and ive found myself in a horrendous daily and nightly deluge of memories, some vivid, some not, all painful and horrifying.
Feels like a complete unravelling of my life.... like theres a question mark over every aspect of my sense of self. Im just about managing to function at the moment but it feels like a tremendous burden. Its resulted in the break up of my marriage and my work is taking a nosedive too. worried where it will all end.
I was wondering if anybody knew of a male survivors group that hold meetings in London. Im feeling pretty much at the end of my tether right now so i'd be grateful toanyone who can point me in the right direction. Thanks
...Jonny


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#28400 - 03/15/05 12:41 AM Re: new here
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Jonny
The best organization I know of 'down South' is Survivors Swindon.
I don't know how close you live to Swindon, but they will know of support groups etc that are local to you.

The Swindon group is very good and well respected.

Here's their info. ( stolen directly from their web site \:D )
Dave

http://www.survivorsswindon.com/

HELPLINE
0845
430 9371
Wednesdays
7.00pm ~ 9.00pm

Survivors Swindon provides a unique therapy experience, run by Survivors for Survivors, to overcome the traumas of your abusive past, and live your life.

We also provide counselling sessions to male survivors, providing survivor-led groupwork sessions and a confidential telephone helpine to male survivors.

The content of this site covers issues like anxiety, anger, addictions, nightmares, emotions, effects, and many more pages on survivor issues.

We are a regionally based, nationally recognised, & internationally known agency, providing specialised training to NHS Trusts, Social Services, Victim Support, Police and work in prisons, hostels, day centres and other agencies.

This site covers all aspects of sexual abuse, focusing on the strength and courage we possess, and leaving the past where it belongs!

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#28401 - 03/15/05 03:30 PM Re: new here
Rustam Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/27/04
Posts: 473
Loc: UK
Hi Jonny,

http://www.survivorsuk.co.uk/ This organisation is based in London and does run groups a few times a year.

Welcome to MS.

Rustam


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#28402 - 03/15/05 10:13 PM Re: new here
ForeverFighting Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/09/05
Posts: 1058
Loc: New Mexico, USA
Jonny,

We're glad you found this place. I'm just sorry you had to look for it, that you've been through such a rough time of it. All my past hit me when I was also going through a tough time. All of a sudden I was depressed and thinking things about my life that just couldn't be possible. I didn't have a survivors group to meet with. In fact, this site is the closest I've ever seen to such a group, and it helps a lot. The pain and the memories have lightened tremendously for me as I've gone to therapy and looked at all the garbage my mind had stored away. I hope it gets less intense for you. Whatever happened to you back there wasn't your fault.

I hope you can find a group to go to. If not, write all you want here. This is a fantastic group of men who will listen and never judge. We're all fighting similar fights. Take care of yourself.

_________________________
ForeverFighting

"This search for the truth--it's not for the faint of heart."--Goren on 'Law & Order: CI'
"The former things will not be called to mind, neither will they come up into the heart."--Isaiah 65:17

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#28403 - 03/15/05 10:38 PM Re: new here
Curtis St. John Offline
Past President
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/20/04
Posts: 1796
Loc: Westchester, N.Y.
It's never too late to find help.

Things in your life may be chaotic now, and things may be falling apart, but each day is another day we are able to sort through the debris and start to rebuild.

Some say the mind only lets the memories bubble up when we are strong enough to handle them and let them process. Get all that junk out of the closet, sort though it, toss out what you donít need and put the rest back neatly where you can find it if need be.

Welcome aboard, you are now on a journey to becoming the person you were meant to be.


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#28404 - 03/15/05 11:02 PM Re: new here
jonny Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 03/14/05
Posts: 7
Loc: london
thanks for your messages of support guys, i really appreciate it.
This is a whole new world to me at the moment, im reading and reading and reading and finding more and more about it day by day and its making me appreciate that im far from alone and that a great many men have carried the same kind of burden around with them through their lives. Im halfway glad that i finally have the courage to face upto what has happened to me, even though my life is miserable at the moment but somedays i even have the hope to think that sometime in the future i can be free of it. Fingers crossed.

jonny


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#28405 - 03/17/05 01:13 AM Re: new here
Elad 12 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/15/05
Posts: 1176
Loc: on the coast
Hi jonny,
I just read your post. I'm a bit new here myself. I've been dropping by for years now but am trying to stay around more now. We have a similar story. I was 4 when our neighbor moved in. He abused me until I was 8. I never told anyone until I was 38. Well I'm 53 now and I want you to know it gets better. It's true its been 15 years of dealing with it. I guess a part of us never gets over it but I think we learn to live agian and have a better life by dealing with the pain, shame and guilt we've been living with all these years. I remember being 38 and unable to forget after 30 years of forgetting. Anyway it's worth the work your doing. I live in a small town. I had no group to go to but reading was really helpful for me and finding a decent therapist. I wish you the best. Wish I'd had internet 15 years ago.
Elad


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#28406 - 03/17/05 02:47 AM Re: new here
Lue Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 03/17/05
Posts: 1
Loc: Canada
Jonny,

I too am new here. I just started my journey a month ago. I was abused when I was 9 by someone I met fundraising for my school. I was abused until I was about 14. Only rescently did I start dealing with things after being in denial for about 17 years. My depression started getting intense, I was offending everyone I know with my attitude, my wife was going to leave me, almost got fired at work and started to think, maybe JUST maybe I should figure out what's going on.

I had thought for years that I was fine and didn't need any help to deal with what had happened to me. I guess I was wrong. I worked for a while to find a therapist, or just a group that would let me in. Finally I came here and was directed to people that can help, including a therapist, a group, and I have been coming back because all these guys (white, black, Asian, gay, straight, etc.) all understand and listen so well.

Welcome to you! and thank the rest of you for being here!

Ps. I have been feeling better, just knowing that I am trying to get better!


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#28407 - 03/17/05 10:40 AM Re: new here
jonny Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 03/14/05
Posts: 7
Loc: london
Thanks so much for your words of encouragement and hope guys. Its so inspiring to hear stories from men who have been through similar things and managed to find a way to heal. Ive really been genuinely moved by your replies. Ive been very surprised to read that im not the only one who has disassociated from my past... made out like it never happened to me, all the while carrying it around and feeling its weight on me. Isn't that the strangest thing? that coping mechanism we developed as kids just to be able to survive? My dilema is how do i start being normal..."honest" with myself about who i am now because ive been in denial for so much of my life. Its a big question.

jonny


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#28408 - 03/17/05 04:15 PM Re: new here
James_dup1 Offline


Registered: 04/13/02
Posts: 1332
Loc: Wyoming
Jonny,
Your right the question you asked is a big one.

Quote:
My dilema is how do i start being normal..."honest" with myself about who i am now because ive been in denial for so much of my life.
My answer to it is this: You have already started. Just by being here and telling your story is that start. The monsters who did these things to us love to live in the dark. By you speaking about it you have turned a light on it. Keep the light bright.

James

_________________________
I have more issues than Rolling Stone!


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#28409 - 04/05/05 10:58 PM Re: new here
SteveB Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 04/01/05
Posts: 6
Loc: Swindon, Wiltshire
Hi guys

Firstly, thanks to Lloydy for listing my site as a good one to visit (Always nice to see good comments made about us)

Hope that you're more settled now Jonny, and if you ever want to talk, feel free to call me

As mentioned, we run a therapy support group, which has been running since 1991! and meets every friday evening in Swindon, which is about an hours drive from London, straight down the M4, or even faster by train

Guys travel from all over the UK, and abroad, to attend group and with our new premises now open, we'll be offering more services, including 121 sessions

Hope alls well and stay safe

Steve
Survivors Swindon


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#28410 - 04/05/05 11:05 PM Re: new here
bkeithb Offline
Member

Registered: 03/23/05
Posts: 63
Loc: Milwaukee
Jonny,

You've landed in the right place! Sorry you had to go searching for it, but glad you found it.

I'm just starting the journey as well (abused by teen when 7 or so, & then by a teacher when a teen). Still haven't found the courage to tell anyone except the men here. What a blessing they are! Keep coming and sharing. It helps!

Blessings on the Journey!

_________________________
bkeithb

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#28411 - 04/06/05 03:58 AM Re: new here
Splitting Offline
Member

Registered: 12/26/04
Posts: 62
Jonny,

My journey started 7 months ago. My story in posted in Existing in the abyss.

I have been told that it is a long journey, but a rewarding one. I am taking a leap of faith and I compliment you for doing the same!

Hang in there.


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