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#283960 - 04/17/09 01:53 AM Re: Shock [Re: Jesse92]
AndyS87 Offline


Registered: 12/12/08
Posts: 302
Loc: sorry, but I don't say on the ...
Any tourist type places you can go where you might be able to find an english speaker to at least help you communicate with some people a little bit? Dude I'm fucking mad as hell for you right now, I wish there was something more we could do for you.


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#283963 - 04/17/09 06:05 AM Re: Shock [Re: AndyS87]
Jesse92 Offline


Registered: 03/22/09
Posts: 102
Loc: The Netherlands
yes sure, tourist police is supposed to speak English, there are some embassies here, though not the dutch one for as far as i know. Thing is i'm not going to tell anyone
Just want this fricking nightmare to end that's all


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#283968 - 04/17/09 07:53 AM Re: Shock [Re: Jesse92]
Gus Bierer Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 09/16/05
Posts: 160
Jesse


I just want to support you in what you are doing. I find that the truth is a source of strength. You can deal with anything as long as you stick to the truth.


Gus

_________________________
My Story

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#283974 - 04/17/09 08:15 AM Re: Shock [Re: Gus Bierer]
Jesse92 Offline


Registered: 03/22/09
Posts: 102
Loc: The Netherlands
You mean i should tell someone? Or what do you mean
Either way I'm not going to tell anyone..
I can't deal with that crp yet... Maybe.. in a few years i don't know. Right now.. Just trying to get trough the days now. I'm just glad i have this place right now i don't know what i would have done otherwise. Even though sometimes I still feel like just deleting everything and deleting my account and go back to ignoring everything that happened/happens as good as i can..


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#283996 - 04/17/09 10:07 AM Re: Shock [Re: Jesse92]
joelRT Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 09/11/08
Posts: 1357
Loc: Québec, Canada
Sorry Jesse, not gonna happen!

Once you open the can of worms of abuse, you can never get the worms back in! You can ignore them if you wish to try that, but whenever you turn around there they will be nipping at your heels.

You can walk away from MS if you choose to, but not your memories and they pain that they cause you.

Right now we are the best hope you have - I hope you will choose to stay and let us support you as best we can.

_________________________
My Story 1
My Story 2
The longest journey we take is to self-discovery

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#284001 - 04/17/09 10:26 AM Re: Shock [Re: joelRT]
Jesse92 Offline


Registered: 03/22/09
Posts: 102
Loc: The Netherlands
Yes, sorry if I made it look like i'm going to leave or something. Though it does sound tempting sometimes to do just that, go back to ignoring as best as I can.
But i'm afraid you're right, I don't think i can do that anymore.
Atm it's just such a chaos in my head...


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#284007 - 04/17/09 10:57 AM Re: Shock [Re: Jesse92]
Bruce1000 Offline


Registered: 02/19/09
Posts: 11
Loc: United States
Jesse:
I just wanted to tell you I'm so sorry if I did or said something to hurt you. in the past week. Thank you for your support.
I just say the wrong thing. I had a nother nightmare last this morning.
I've wanted to get out, too.
Hang in there.
ROBERT (BRuce1000)

_________________________
Our years are as the falling leaves-we live we love we dream, and then we go. But somehow we keep hoping don't we that our dreams come true on that Brighter Day.
.........Opening to old radio serial BRUGHT DAY (1948-1956)

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#284165 - 04/18/09 10:05 AM Re: Shock [Re: Jesse92]
Jesse92 Offline


Registered: 03/22/09
Posts: 102
Loc: The Netherlands
i just cant believe I didn't do anything
Well i know why but i just wish i'd done.. something.. anything
I'm so mad at myself I just let everything happen... again...

it seems like a bad movie to me wich i've only seen pieces of
like i remember standing in the doorway seeing them, the shock and everything.. I remember lying on that bed and them.. well you know... i don't remember at all how i ended up on that bed though or how they removed my clothes.. i remember being downstairs the next morning and my father beating in on me i dont remember anything in between what happened that night and this. I remember that i was lying on the floor and i remember my dad doing... the same thing... and him... i dont know where the other guy was.. my mother probably at work... I don't remember how i got out of the house but i guess i did...

and i keep thinking WHY... WHY NOW? He's never done this before, never, it always 'only' was hitting kicking yelling etc.. WHY now... I know my abuser had a hand in this and i know my father is not going to remember, he was way to drunk...
I just can't get my head around it... Why now...


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#284167 - 04/18/09 10:16 AM Re: Shock [Re: Jesse92]
joelRT Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 09/11/08
Posts: 1357
Loc: Québec, Canada
Jesse,

Am I reading this right? Were you just recently re-abused?

_________________________
My Story 1
My Story 2
The longest journey we take is to self-discovery

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#284168 - 04/18/09 10:25 AM Re: Shock [Re: joelRT]
Jesse92 Offline


Registered: 03/22/09
Posts: 102
Loc: The Netherlands
depends on what's recently... but no, not since i made this thread... right before i made the thread.. yes


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