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#28353 - 03/22/05 11:24 AM Re: Shame
sadanddown Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/26/04
Posts: 191
Loc: Gaboogistan
Bobby,

There is so much I could respond to here, but this stood out to me the most.

Quote:
Originally posted by Bobby:
I am ashamed that I was always just talented enough not to accomplish my goals....that no matter how hard I worked I just couldn't quite get where I wanted to go. I am ashamed that I gave up too easily. One set back and I turn my tail and run the other way, because I know I'm not good enough to make it.
I'm sorry Bobby, I had another post written out, but I deleted it. I don't know why I did, I felt kind of stupid and ashamed.

Jon

_________________________
I find I have to be the sad clown, laughing on the outside...crying on the inside.

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#28354 - 03/22/05 01:16 PM Re: Shame
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Bobby,

there is so much I read about in you, that I go through, and probable most of us can identify with,

Quote:
I am ashamed that I am afraid of everyone in the world. I am afraid that they will hurt me. I cannot trust them. I must hold my true self secret....not just the gay part of myself, but all of the true parts of me, because all of me is unacceptable. No one can be trusted, because you can't sort the truly good people from the truly bad ones.....and once your secrets are out, you simply cannot go on.
It is so hard to gain trust in anyone, because of the hurt of the past, but there are good people, in the World.

I cannot see your pain Bobby, I can only liken it to my own, and I know just were I have been hurt, and the accumulation of everything thrown at you.

I like you, have never been able to accomplish anywhere near the things I wanted to do, I like you, think of times in the future, when I cannot provide for my survival.

Nobody outside of this crap can really see the things we have had to put up with, and I despair for you and all the others, who carry the pain of the guilt put on them.

Give yourself space to be yourself, you are obviously a very intelligent and sensitive good man, and you need to see reward for that.

It will come, I assure you,

take care,

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#28355 - 03/22/05 07:33 PM Re: Shame
self_righting Offline
Member

Registered: 03/01/05
Posts: 69
Loc: Tampa, FL
-----Possible Triggers------

Bobby,

I've been thinking about your post above. I've read it a few times over the past few days. I've felt many of the same things. I let shame hold me back for many years - still not 100% over all of it. I share many of the same reasons for shame as you. I also sense how powerful the shame is for you. You seem overwhelmed by shame and anguish. I've also read about your sadness and I think all of these emotions are understandable. One thing to remeber though is that you didn't ask to be abused or for all the negative value judgements. I've battled porn addiction, self-loathing, and weight for many years. There were times when I sat with the gun barrel in my mouth waiting for the strength to just end it. I am glad I didn't do it. (Mods - That was a long time ago and I am not suicidal anymore!!!!!!!) I've come a long way since then so I know it is possible. You wouldn't be here if you didn't want a better life for yourself. I used to think I could never be loved and that I would never have friends. I was wrong. You are mistaken about that too. You've shared a lot here and that has taken a lot of courage. You need to give yourself some credit. You're moving in the right direction. Think about when you were a child - you did not choose what was done to you. That little boy was deserving of respect, love and protection. If you think about, you are still that little boy and deserve the same things as an adult. OK, sorry - I got preachy but I meant well. Take care of yourself


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