there is so much I read about in you, that I go through, and probable most of us can identify with,
I am ashamed that I am afraid of everyone in the world. I am afraid that they will hurt me. I cannot trust them. I must hold my true self secret....not just the gay part of myself, but all of the true parts of me, because all of me is unacceptable. No one can be trusted, because you can't sort the truly good people from the truly bad ones.....and once your secrets are out, you simply cannot go on.
It is so hard to gain trust in anyone, because of the hurt of the past, but there are good people, in the World.
I cannot see your pain Bobby, I can only liken it to my own, and I know just were I have been hurt, and the accumulation of everything thrown at you.
I like you, have never been able to accomplish anywhere near the things I wanted to do, I like you, think of times in the future, when I cannot provide for my survival.
Nobody outside of this crap can really see the things we have had to put up with, and I despair for you and all the others, who carry the pain of the guilt put on them.
Give yourself space to be yourself, you are obviously a very intelligent and sensitive good man, and you need to see reward for that.
It will come, I assure you,