Hi, my brothers/friends.
It's that Irishmoose guy again, you know the one who had transplanted himself from Germany to try and find little Peter and his way in what is ever left of our lives. Well I am just as confused as ever in just who I/we are. I have had 6 therapy sessions here in the USA. I feel like I've made some progress, at least in moving out from my lost childhood phase. I have given up a lot in my quest in finding my true self, in dealing with CSA. Like the rest of us lots of pain, anger, lonliness lack of proper emotions , etc.
Any one whom has read my post little Pete & big Pete's 69 year journey will have some sort of an idea just where I'm coming from.
Right at this moment I'm in turmoil, I try and not put a label on myself. All of my sexual pleasures from about the age of 5 through this very day and this very post have come from males. No female (2) has ever given me the sexual enjoyment, pleasures nor emotional experience as from those males.
I never had been sexually attracted to either girls/females nor men. I did and (lately) have experienced sexual pleasures from men like no other. It isn't that when I see a male hey! I just gotta have him. And certainaly in my life has it ever been hey I just gotta have that female!
I do seek the sexual pleasures from a male, I've had one with a male relative lately, as he was seeking the same from me. We both were raised under the same circumstances, emotionally, physically mentally & sexualy abused as boys. He is married as I am seperated, we raised families, we were both married to females that for atleast the last ten years have been sexless. We both have talked about my recovery and my problems. We both enjoy our sex together, no shame, no fear and no shyness.
So where does this put me? Just what label (if any) do I fit under?
I've tried the label straight. Sure doesn't fit as I have NO sexual attractions toward females.
I've tried the label Bi-sexual, well I'm not physically nor emotionally attracted to either side.
I've tried Gay, well again (in my head) I'm not sexually nor physically attracted to them.
But I sure do have sexual desires, pleasures toward males (so far to a relative) cousin.
I haven't talked to my new T just yet, I do not know if she had seen a "hidden" message in my post Little Pete & Big Pete's 69 year journey. I have and so have others. Is there such a thing as All F....d up sexually and emotionally toward any sex label?
To sum it up, I sure do look forward to enjoying my sexual and emotonal feelings when I'm with my (male) cousin.
So Give it to me straight.
Heal well my brothers/friends.
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.