First let me welcome you to MS - if ever there was a place for sexually abused men to deal with the persistant issues of CSA, then this is it. I hope that you'll stick around long enough to discover the support, compassion and understanding that the membership will offer you as you continue to confront and resolve the pain from your past.
Second, it is my personal position that the women in our lives, the ones we live in intimate relationships with, have a right to know about our past abuse by virtue of the fact that that abuse has far reaching impacts on our behaviour, our attititudes as well as our outlook on life in general.
Often times we come across as irrational in our comportment and many a woman has been left feeling confused and sometimes wondering if it isn't she who is at fault for the difficulties in the relationship. I've read that here many times.
When disclosing to your partner, it is not necessary or even advisable to go into great detail - you don't want her to have all of those pictures in her head about what was done to you and it helps her in no way whatever to have them either.
What was done to you as a child has greatly impacted you and will likely continue to do so for many years to come. Resolving childhood sexual abuse issues is a very long and complex process that puts us through all kinds of changes that a partner simply would not be able to understand the why of if she isnt apprised of your former abuse.
I you had an important medical condition that could potentially harm or deminish the relationship, would you keep that from her?
I believe that your partner has the right to know what she is signing up for and that honor requires of you to give her the opportunity to make an enlightened choice.
And then there is this; you fear that she may see you as damaged goods when in fact that is you projecting your own opinion of yourself on her. By not disclosing to her, you are robbing her of the opportunity to be supportive of you as you journey your way to wellness.
I would encourage you to also make your post in the Familly & Friends Forum so that you can get some feedback from the women on the site who live with male partners of sexual abuse. It could offer you a much fuller view of how and why you should disclose.