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#282968 - 04/09/09 06:40 PM Your reaction?
vernonq Offline


Registered: 04/09/09
Posts: 2
I was encouraged to post here....

I was molested and devirginized by a woman whose house I would stay at after school when I was 11....this continued until age 12.

6 Years later I met my gf whom was my true first sexual partne---I never spoke of the past or the fact that I had been molested prior. We've been together 10 years now and before we get married I'd like to come clean with her but am very nervous about her reaction. How would/did you react to learning the same thing about your bf of 10 years


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#283009 - 04/09/09 11:02 PM Re: Your reaction? [Re: vernonq]
kolisha54 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/02/03
Posts: 475
Loc: Brooklyn, NY
If she loves you, you may be very very surprised to find out that she may already "know..." On some level, we survivors leave telltale traces in our interactions with others that are unmistakable markers. If your dear one doesn't already recognize them, she nevertheless must have some questions about the way things are between you that she, herself, is afraid to bring up. Once you break your silence, she will finally understand what has been mystifying her.

_________________________
If I am not for myself, who will be for me? If I am only for myself, what am I? If not now... when? --Hillel

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#283035 - 04/10/09 01:00 AM Re: Your reaction? [Re: kolisha54]
king tut Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/08
Posts: 2465
Loc: UK
Yeah, i think she may already know on some level too

I think it is good that you want to tell her. She doesn't need details though, that wouldn't be good for her. And you don't owe her your information in anyway- i don't think.

She will be upset, i'm sure, she may be confused? angry that it happened to you?

But i'm not a girl, and girls can react strangely sometimes, i think (being a boy), so i will let them answer.

_________________________
"...until lambs become lions"

I love you, little lewis, and i will never leave you. We are the same. You brighten my day, and i will make sure that i brighten yours. Hugs and kisses.


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#283038 - 04/10/09 01:40 AM Re: Your reaction? [Re: king tut]
bluefairy Offline


Registered: 04/04/09
Posts: 52
It's possible that she may not know how to react at first, because it's something unreal to her, something she'd never imagine could happen to someone she loves. So you should let her have a little time to come to realise what you have said, and then she may feel confused wondering why? how? why couldn't she have protected you? even though rationally she knows she couldn't have at the same time she'll probably feel anger at the injustice and the people who done this to you.

She may even feel a little scared, because you are introducing a part of yourself to her that she never knew, that's where you should reassure her that you are still the same person she fell in love with.

Even if she had already suspected she may not have admitted it to herself, so she'll probably feel the same things generally, but more expecting.

Hope it works out good for you

Bluefairy

_________________________
There will always be a place for you in my heart

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