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#283104 - 04/10/09 03:48 PM Re: Physical problems *triggers?* [Re: joelRT]
cjb Offline


Registered: 04/08/09
Posts: 19
Loc: Oregon, USA
I guess this approach is just not for me.

I get the good intentions and thanks for the same. Joining this site is my way of trying to figure this all out cautiously and I probably just threw out too much transparency too soon.

I'm sorry if I sounded defensive - that wasn't my intention. I just have to do this my own way and at my own speed and I feel like I'm much further along than others have represented here.

Yeah, it was extreme and the above doesn't begin to describe it. At the same time, it was a long time ago and I don't want to throw a pity part. I'm blessed and I don't want to be ungrateful for those blessings. These things have come back to haunt me due to the physical issues.

My real question here was whether others have experienced the ano-rectal mutilation problem, what were their symptoms and how was it addressed?

Has anyone been able to heal this sans surgery?

If these questions are avoidance, I'm not sure how to avoid avoidance. ;-)

_________________________
"He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose." - Jim Elliot

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#283111 - 04/10/09 04:10 PM Re: Physical problems *triggers?* [Re: cjb]
king tut Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/08
Posts: 2466
Loc: UK
hi cjb,

To your original question.

If you do have problems with your behind it will not just go away. Some time you will have to get it fixed. So you have to come to a point and ask yourself, do you want to do it now whilst your young, or wait until you are old when there will be additional complications? I'm sure that other people have had to deal with this problem through surgery before.

I did find a good website on this once, on what the inital examinations involve and if you are a survivor of sexual abuse, i can't find that website now, maybe you could look around the internet, i dont remember what it was called

I found this but it talks about children going to the doctor and is specific for the DSAC
DSAC

i will look some more

_________________________
"...until lambs become lions"

I love you, little lewis, and i will never leave you. We are the same. You brighten my day, and i will make sure that i brighten yours. Hugs and kisses.


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#283114 - 04/10/09 04:20 PM Re: Physical problems *triggers?* [Re: king tut]
king tut Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/08
Posts: 2466
Loc: UK
This may be useful

Fears of medical examinations

Ken Singer also has an insert in that thread from his book that may be useful for you

_________________________
"...until lambs become lions"

I love you, little lewis, and i will never leave you. We are the same. You brighten my day, and i will make sure that i brighten yours. Hugs and kisses.


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#283115 - 04/10/09 04:22 PM Re: Physical problems *triggers?* [Re: king tut]
Anarion Cti Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/23/09
Posts: 157
Loc: Eastern US
Dear cjb,
I too was violently assaulted, and I too have back and disc problems. Nothing as severe as what you are suffering from, but perhaps enough to help me to understand and to sympathize with the agony that you are going through. I will be praying for you, my brother.
In Christ,
Anarion

_________________________
"Thou, O Lord, are the shield about me;
You're my helper,
You're the one who lifts up my head."
"Whom have I in heaven or earth but You?"

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#283182 - 04/10/09 09:55 PM Re: Physical problems *triggers?* [Re: Anarion Cti]
michael banks Offline


Registered: 06/12/08
Posts: 1755
Loc: Mojave Desert, Ca
cjb,

You have some serious medical problems you got to deal with from the physical abuse inflicted on you as a child by your father. But you come across as if what happened to you was no big deal or that you deserved to be treated that way. Are you not in fact conitueing this cycle of abuse and neglect that your parents taught you as a child. To truely recover we have to address the denial we learned in order to survive our abuse as children. To see how those who should have loved and protected really behaved toward us.
I am not attacking you personally thu it may feel that way. But only responding to what you are telling us in your posts. How you use my responses to you are entirely up to you. If you would really not like me to respond to your post as honertly as I can. Just say so and I will reframe from doing so.

Wishing the best

Mike

_________________________
To own one's shadow is the highest moral act of a human.
-Robert Johnson-

"IT ought never be forgotten that the past is the parent of the future" John C. Calhoun

WOR Alumni Sequoia 2009

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#283197 - 04/10/09 10:58 PM Re: Physical problems *triggers?* [Re: michael banks]
cjb Offline


Registered: 04/08/09
Posts: 19
Loc: Oregon, USA
It just feels like we're speaking a different language here. It's probably me.

Continuing the cycle? Wouldn't that mean abusing my children? I have been a father for nearly 20 years and have never raised a hand in anger or lust to my children even once. No. I have stopped the cycle with God's help and some healthy counseling.

What is it that makes you people feel that I'm failing so miserably in this?

I did some VERY hard work in my late 20's to talk through every memory that I could think of every Thursday night for two years. How is that not dealing with it?

I am looking for alternatives to surgery - that is all. If I am told that I have to crap out my side or die, that's a different story. I don't think that its come to that.

No big deal? Are you kidding me? I've spent my entire life in pain over the crap that happened to me. I just don't want to "wear it" every day.

What am I not facing? I sincerely don't get it.

_________________________
"He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose." - Jim Elliot

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#283198 - 04/10/09 11:00 PM Re: Physical problems *triggers?* [Re: cjb]
cjb Offline


Registered: 04/08/09
Posts: 19
Loc: Oregon, USA
Yes, in all transparency, there are times that I feel like damaged material. I know that I didn't deserve it but it can feel like it defines me. I doubt that's unusual and maybe you'll all be happier that I admitted that?

_________________________
"He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose." - Jim Elliot

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#283199 - 04/10/09 11:01 PM Re: Physical problems *triggers?* [Re: cjb]
cjb Offline


Registered: 04/08/09
Posts: 19
Loc: Oregon, USA
Maybe its just me but I've had two responses here and in the chatroom:

- judged
- hit on

Safe haven? I haven't seen it yet. I'm not trying to be critical. I'm being open and honest. Healthy of me, right?

_________________________
"He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose." - Jim Elliot

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#283200 - 04/10/09 11:06 PM Re: Physical problems *triggers?* [Re: cjb]
michael banks Offline


Registered: 06/12/08
Posts: 1755
Loc: Mojave Desert, Ca
Cjb,

As survivors we have a tendency to conitue to treat ourselves as we were taught by those whom abused us. Conitueing the cycle of our abuse.

Mike

_________________________
To own one's shadow is the highest moral act of a human.
-Robert Johnson-

"IT ought never be forgotten that the past is the parent of the future" John C. Calhoun

WOR Alumni Sequoia 2009

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#283205 - 04/10/09 11:19 PM Re: Physical problems *triggers?* [Re: michael banks]
cjb Offline


Registered: 04/08/09
Posts: 19
Loc: Oregon, USA
I understand Mike but I haven't punched myself, broken my ribs or shoved anything unseemly up where the sun don't shine ever.

I know what you're saying but I don't get the inference that I'm not dealing with it. Maybe I'm very blind. Maybe that's easier?

_________________________
"He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose." - Jim Elliot

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