I just wanted to exress how the past month has been going so far. Thanks be it to god and my savior jesus christ for every good thing involving the good days i've been having the past few weeks.
I really believe i have grown recently with god and from the past sexual abuse. something is happening, something good and beautiful. i've been seeing a christian counselor with sexaul abuse backround and its helped tremendously. but i also credit this website, certain friends, my parents, and other family members who take the time listen to my pain about my sexual abuse along with other issues.
my relationship with my wife has improved and still has work but i can see the light at the end of the tunnel. its amazing to have this faith and i want to always be here. i also give credit to reading christian books to help me closer to christ such as, 'the case for christ', 'boundaries,' 'the wounded heart.' all these little things are greatly improving my life and those around me. thankfully, my relationship with my parents is becoming more heartful and sincere. i cried tonight thinking about my parents and how my dad has really been a great dad. i thanked god for giving me parents i could wholeheartedly trust unlike my brothers who betrayed me.
as of lately, i've also been talking to jesus christ so much. especially when i'm going through my whirlwind of emotions. somehow, i can't explain, i go to him with my pain in the deepest of cries, i am humbled and tell him in the middle of the storm exactly how much i need him. and amazingly, i feel him comfort me and tell me to trust in him. i cry more and more realizing how much he listens and knows my pain.
i can't tell you folks how great it has been to go to him and know his whisper is over me and his hand is with mine. i have not been alone. like i've said, it brings me to tears about everything thats happened and its great to see jesus christ without my eyes but my heart.
the ability to control my emotions, say no to my rage, and having boundaries to protect myself and others to better love has been through the work of the holy spirit. there has been moments lasting all day, where i can distinctively hear the holy spirit guide me through the day. as of lately, the days have been peaceful, full of joy, and filled with god's love pouring out. i mean, i have actually loved my wife with compassion, patience, and understanding on a consistent basis. we have had moments seen on romance movies. this is hard for someone like me who thought as a kid that the capacity to love another was impossible since i was worth nothing from the sexual abuse maltreatment. i mean, i thought i was so useless with pain, shame, and hate that loving someone would be impossible. thanks to god, thats changing each day. thanks for everyone who listens and knows my pain. i hope i can know yours as well and help you know who jesus christ truly is...
Edited by 1love4christ (04/08/09 03:13 AM)