I started out as a boy.
I was happy as a boy.
But then things happened I did not understand as a boy.
I trusted the adults in my life as a boy and was betrayed as a boy.
Things were confusing as a boy.
There were bad things I feared as a boy.
I sometimes hid as a boy.
I chose not to remember as a boy things that were confusing and hurt.
Eventually I got bigger but was still a boy.
My heart was still that boy’s heart.
My emotions were still a boy’s emotions.
I still thought like a boy.
I still acted like a boy.
I still responded like a boy.
I still hid like a boy.
My needs were a boy’s needs.
I looked like a man but most of the time the boy was there.
Wounded, confused, needy, scared, protective, silent, hiding.
Learning to be a man has been hard.
Knowing that I needed to do that was hidden for a long time.
But now that I see it I am moving to do it.
Learning grown up skills for the first time is difficult and scary for me.
I feel awkward and uneasy.
Naked and vulnerable and that is not a good feeling.
Still the things I did as a child do not serve me well now.
I must grow up and put away my childish things.
And I will be OK for the first time in my life.
I will be a man ALL the time.
Still, I remember the boy and he is safe now.
He finally has a man to love and protect him.
He is at peace.