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#28229 - 04/29/02 09:41 PM I find myself on the brink of tears...
chuckie Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 04/29/02
Posts: 3
Loc: north Alabama
Hi,
I always seem to end up on porn web-sites and downloading that shit, instead of relating to my wife, who is kind, and understanding even if she's a bit needy. I guess I'd be a little needy if I were married to someone who had enclosed themselves in a thick-assed shell.
All I ever saw of my parents was the fighting and feeling relief when I was told of the divorce. But now I can see differently. Whoever said that kids addapt was either trying to justify themselves or completely full of shit. Kids don't addapt, they just behave as if they've adapted to situations they can't control.
Chuck


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#28230 - 04/29/02 11:53 PM Re: I find myself on the brink of tears...
fmighell Offline
Member

Registered: 02/19/01
Posts: 276
Loc: Anchorage,Alaska
Hang in there.


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#28231 - 04/30/02 12:53 PM Re: I find myself on the brink of tears...
Spider-man Offline
Member

Registered: 04/27/02
Posts: 57
Loc: NY
Chucky:
I find myself surfing the web too. I have an active imagination and that is where my mind recreates things that happened to me. That is my acting out. If I didn't have that, I know the odds are pretty good I'd have stepped outside of the marriage I have all ready. As is, the acting out always hurts me and I withdraw, but it would be a lot worse if it were outside my head and involved other people.
Am I making any sense?
I remembered the abuse four months to the day after my wife and I got married. Its done a lot of damage to us. Though I've been in regular once a week therapy since before I remembered (and of course, during and after), damage has still been done to our marriage. Nature of the beast I guess.
My wife and I are going to start seeing a marriage counselor may 7th so we have a place to discuss this with someone who possibly has more insight who is an impartial observer/guide. It took a long time to sink in, but this thing is bigger than the both of us - at least for the foreseeable near future. Until I can tell which end is up. And until I can trust again.
The abuse I was subjected to was at the hands of two men though, so I trust women more readily than men - that is, I would if trust weren't such a prickly thing with me.

Sometimes its better. Sometimes its worse. I've been told (and I have to believe it or the reason for going on evaporates) is that it gets better. Eventually. A piece at a time.

Dave


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#28232 - 04/30/02 06:12 PM Re: I find myself on the brink of tears...
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Chuckie
you aren't alone out there surfing the porn sites, your posting and The D's reply hit a nerve here. I know how bad it makes me feel.
But it's getting easier for me, and the visists a lot further apart, and that's only with help from my wife and therapist.
And you're so right about kids ( and very big kids )only acting as if they've adapted, we deserve Oscars. It isn't adapting - it's surpressing, and every scrap shared and dealt with is a bit less shit to carry about.
Lloydy

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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