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#282065 - 04/03/09 08:06 AM Re: I am confused.. [Re: cainrafael]
Geeders Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/03/08
Posts: 1901
Loc: Peterborough, Ontario, Canada
Anda ada kawan disini. Saya faham.
(You have a friend here. I understand)
In Malay.

Jim

_________________________
My name is Jim
WoR Mysthaven 2008, Level 2 WoR Alta 2009, Kirkridge 2010, 2011, Oprah 200 men

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#282192 - 04/04/09 07:10 AM Re: I am confused.. [Re: Geeders]
cainrafael Offline


Registered: 04/02/09
Posts: 13
Loc: Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
I keep zoning out every time I want to do something about it. I dont know why.

I want to deal with this now once and for all.


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#282214 - 04/04/09 11:02 AM Re: I am confused.. [Re: cainrafael]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
Cainrafael,
What you are feeling maybe a sense of dispair or hopelessness about your situation. You need to know that you are not hopeless. You are not helpless or worthless. What happened to you was wrong. You are a normal guy dealing with an abnormal experience that you had no context in which to deal with it. You were ill equipped to handle the emotions brought on by such a terrible thing. It is like post traumatic stress syndrome. There was so much shock and trauma to your phyche that you are having a hard time processing it.

I am sad that there is no professional help where you are. Perhaps there is someone that you could talk to long distance on the phone in another town or province that is equipped to help you through this. Just a thought.

At the very least you can come here and talk about it and get some validation and support for how you are feeling which is quite normal actually. Not being able to process or understand the incident and the emotions it brings up will make you want to escape into fantasy or games or other things to just not have to deal with the feelings.

Know you are not alone guy. It was not your fault. You can get through this and be ok someday but it will take time and is best served by professional help with someone skilled in these kinds of trauma.

Hang in there. Ice cream helps me :-)


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#282217 - 04/04/09 11:49 AM Re: I am confused.. [Re: Freedom49]
king tut Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/08
Posts: 2465
Loc: UK
Originally Posted By: Freedom49
Hang in there. Ice cream helps me :-)


Ice cream helps me too!

Sometimes we have to find ways of comforting ourselves the best we can, but without ever burying our heads in the sands, because it wont just go away. Your doing the right thing by talking about this stuff here.

_________________________
"...until lambs become lions"

I love you, little lewis, and i will never leave you. We are the same. You brighten my day, and i will make sure that i brighten yours. Hugs and kisses.


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#282260 - 04/04/09 07:35 PM Re: I am confused.. [Re: cainrafael]
Jim1961 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/10/09
Posts: 1122
Loc: Pa, but likely traveling...
Originally Posted By: cainrafael

I'll post my story later...its nothing much compared some of the survivors here...and i do feel ashamed.I've been dealing with this and nothing helps.


Cain,
I felt this way too at first, that "my story" was a cakewalk compared to other guys here. The truth is that there is no "magnitude" of abuse; any CSA has a major impact on our emotional development and leaves deep scars. This is true of every Survivor on this site. The only difference is that we're all at different points on our Journey toward Recovery.

Congratulations on taking your first step. I enjoyed meeting you on Chat this morning (well, morning my time). smile

Your friend,
Jim

_________________________
Loneliness is a power that we possess to give or take away forever. -Yes, Starship Trooper

My Story

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#282267 - 04/04/09 08:38 PM Re: I am confused.. [Re: cainrafael]
Geeders Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/03/08
Posts: 1901
Loc: Peterborough, Ontario, Canada
Kawan saya,

Its hard, its really hard. To admit to ourselves, let alone to others, what happened. We zone out. We are able to deny, ignore, what ever you want to call it. My T said to me that our brains are only able to deal with what we can deal with, at that time. If you zone out, maybe its because you are overloading yourself.

As survivors, we are our own worst enemies. We do for others, first and foremost, before we do for ourselves. We somehow think its ok to do for others what we cannot do for ourselves. And when we do something for ourselves, it sometimes causes us to zone out, be detached, from oursleves, as if floating above and watching ourselves. If this happens a lot, it may be indicative of another issue.

You are no longer alone kawan saya. I know you did not anticipate anyone like me, siapa boleh cukup bahasa, ok, like an orang puteh, but here I am. Saya tak tahu bagaimana cukup untuk anda, but, saya faham. If I can help, I would be happy to do so.

Selamat tinggal, or perhaps, on this jalan baru, selamat jalan.

Jim

_________________________
My name is Jim
WoR Mysthaven 2008, Level 2 WoR Alta 2009, Kirkridge 2010, 2011, Oprah 200 men

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#282294 - 04/05/09 06:38 AM Re: I am confused.. [Re: cainrafael]
kyle82 Offline


Registered: 03/30/09
Posts: 3
I am not a victim of rape and I can't completely understand the situation. Let me just say that whatever the past has brought us, the decision remains in our hands whether still make this life worth living. Do not live with the past, that's one good thing ive learned in life. Past is forgotten. Today should be cherised. Tomorrow's another chance. smile


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#282304 - 04/05/09 09:06 AM Re: I am confused.. [Re: kyle82]
cainrafael Offline


Registered: 04/02/09
Posts: 13
Loc: Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
thanks king tut. the brief session helped lots. it helped me clarify many issues that I had no idea on how to solve.Hope there will be more...i feel a lot lighter already now.

Maybe soon I'll share my story and how did it affect me in life...


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