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#280153 - 03/20/09 09:52 AM Worthless
PatchworkMama Offline

Registered: 01/24/09
Posts: 54
Loc: Iowa
My husband says he's worthless and when I ask him why he says he just is. When I ask him what he wants, he says it doesn't matter. When I ask him if he wants me to cuddle him, he says if I want to. He's worthless.

Please help. What do I do?

#280246 - 03/21/09 09:22 AM Re: Worthless [Re: PatchworkMama]
NatureDrum Offline
New Here

Registered: 12/08/07
Posts: 116
Feelings of worthlessness are a tough fight. I can't speak for your husband but what I wanted when dealing with that is to hear that I'm am valued. To just hear the words "You are important to me," followed by one example (perhaps a recent incident). And leave it at that until the next time. It's not going to be resolved with one big conversation. You have to pick away at it piece by piece. Having a consistent source of feeling valued helps tremendously.

Peace to you,

Negotiating the treaty for peace of mind.

My Story

#280266 - 03/21/09 11:08 AM Re: Worthless [Re: NatureDrum]
ComicBookGuy Offline

Registered: 02/08/09
Posts: 443
Loc: London, England

See what's been discussed in that thread. At some point your hubby will be fed up with being miserable, but you're a great person for supporting him in this until he gets there!

Also I think it's John McKay that wrote the book "Self Esteem" that gets recommended quite widely? I haven't read it myself, but it's another possible help, search for it on


#280383 - 03/22/09 12:25 PM Re: Worthless [Re: NatureDrum]
riveerboy Offline

Registered: 02/04/09
Posts: 84
Loc: Indiana
Worthless? "The most lovable worthless I know", with a hug and a kiss. And then a couple more hugs might do the trick.

Good Luck and Wishes.

#280388 - 03/22/09 02:18 PM Re: Worthless [Re: riveerboy]
dark empathy Offline

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 2231
Loc: durham, north england

A lot of this is sounding very familiar. Worthlessness is probably the main thing I have to struggle with recovery wise I think. for me, ---- the feeling is literal and totally wrapped up with myself.

Any de>

#282184 - 04/04/09 02:14 AM Re: Worthless [Re: dark empathy]
coaster Offline

Registered: 04/02/09
Posts: 18
Hey, in my experience boundaries are really really important, and often I looked for people to set their boundaries so I would know what mine were. But what happens when they don't have boundaries?? Emeshment. In my journey, there have been very very few with good healthy boundaries. I appreciate them the most. I learn the most from them. They are the best role models I've had, BUT it took their being just who they are, and my slowly dawning comparison with the other people that led me towards having my own health(ier) and growing EVER healthier boundaries...

I notice you focusing on him. What about focusing on yourself? Keeping yourself healthy? Saying to him, "I'm not worthless."
You reaffirm yourself, and in doing so--by being good to yourself--you demonstrate you deserve worthiness and get it by being there for him. It may take a while for him to get the message (years even). But you don't do anyone any good by being less nurturing of yourself.

Just my two cents.

P.S. I've been where he is.


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