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#280751 - 03/25/09 11:24 AM Re: WHO recovers? [Re: joelRT]
myboyhoodfears Offline


Registered: 03/13/09
Posts: 457
i was bullied in school all the way untill high school...i was miserable i didnt learn anything from it other than kids are cruel and society turns a blind eye for the very same reasons they trun a blind eye sexual abuse...."male socialization" ...men and boys cant be weak we cant be victims...we cant cry and that we are in control and are complicate in every thing that happens to us, of course we know all that is a lie....the bullies might teach us something things about human nature,....ok so i now know people are fucked up....did i have to learn that by being bullied and sexual abused and neglected etc?..couldnt someone have just given me a list to memorize...lol...

i agree joelRT that a certain level of adversity teachs us to be indipendant etc....but what but do bullies really teach us about ourselves and about the world around us?....are we really learning a vauled lesson from them?...or have we just come to accept bullying as a part of life and are trying to place some value on their acts because we are unable or unwilling to stop them from occuring?....am i a stronger person becaues i was bullied?...no actually im not.

i had a coworker who was a bully,... he was able to induce these feelings of panic and of rage in me that is hard to explain, it took me right back to bing a kid,...im not crazy over this im just saying that bullies teach us the worse about human nature...im just not so sure that lesson isnt better learned in a history class...over having to actually endure it.

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#280768 - 03/25/09 02:01 PM Re: WHO recovers? [Re: myboyhoodfears]
michael banks Offline


Registered: 06/12/08
Posts: 1755
Loc: Mojave Desert, Ca
I believe that having to deal with bully's is a fact of life growing up. I know that I had my own and I remember him and his name to this day. And they always have their gang of followers.
Even as adults you have to deal with such people you will find them where ever you go in life. So we need to learn to effectively deal with them as best as possible. With some people you have to learn to walk away and to leave them alone to their own miserable behaviors and attitudes.
I think it would have been more productive if the authorities(cops)had been informed of these childrens behaviors and said behavior could have been documented. So that if these behaviors conitue it can be bit in the ass. Also would have been more effective if the issue of bullying had been present to the parents by the police. Now as it stands it is a your kid against my kid thing and parent against parent thing.
Plus you put yourself in extreme risk of your own arrest and being sue if you had step over the line emotionally or physically towards them.
We need to be careful when issues from our past effect how we act in situations today.

Mike

_________________________
To own one's shadow is the highest moral act of a human.
-Robert Johnson-

"IT ought never be forgotten that the past is the parent of the future" John C. Calhoun

WOR Alumni Sequoia 2009

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#280774 - 03/25/09 04:07 PM Re: WHO recovers? [Re: michael banks]
sportinrucks Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/01/04
Posts: 422
Loc: Louisiana
I can relate I was bullied all through high school and grade school. Then I joined the miltary to pay for college and was bullied there which honestly led to my drug abuse and almost led to an incodent where I was close to pulling a knife on one of my ''fellow soldiers''. I was bullied by my girlfriends. I dont know right now I have alot of pent up rage about that, I have nightmares about these times really.


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#280775 - 03/25/09 04:20 PM Re: WHO recovers? [Re: sportinrucks]
sportinrucks Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/01/04
Posts: 422
Loc: Louisiana
idk boxings a good thing or maybe a blunt object then the bully is not laughing so hard when he's spitting up blood


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#280804 - 03/25/09 07:40 PM Re: WHO recovers? [Re: sportinrucks]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6429
Loc: 2.5 NATO Nations
six 12yos on one 10 yo. Even that will turn against the 10yo if he wins the fight. Parents and law have NO tollerance for any weapons used. I know that one personally.

I cut a kid at age 8. He was 12 and it was after the rape by four 12 yos. I was the universal bad-kid of the neighborhood for the remainder of my life there.

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#280977 - 03/27/09 12:23 AM Re: WHO recovers? [Re: Still]
Logan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/05/03
Posts: 1205
Loc: NY
Look, I don't know how this topic got so....lost.

from what rob initially stated, it sounds to me like he acted appropriately from a variety of standpoints.

First and foremost, He chose to act in the role he is supposed to play, the Protective Parent. A (good) Father Protecting His Son!

Given the situation from the data stated (as I was not there), this seems to be the perfect example of what TO DO, in such a situation.

Now, was Rob angry/emotional about this? Of Course he was! what responsible parent would not be?---Not to mention Rob's own personal past and history with thing he himself experience firsthand!
A Group/Mob of older kids teaming up on a single younger child with malicious intention of hurting that child, the first priority is the saftey and welfare of the child in harms way; stopping the immediate threat in that situation by protecting the child potential jeopardy. Then access the child's Physical and Emotional state. Then when the situation has deescalated to where the safety and emotional well being of the child (or any victim for that matter) are not compromised, only then should on consider possible reproaching the situation for any other reason. There is a time for life lessons, but sometimes immediate action in warranted above all else!

Joel, I think that your statement was completely blown way out of proportion because of the emotional intensity that was triggered by what rob said and I feel sorry that that happened.

Rob, thank you that you sharing this, and I am happy to hear about the way that you responded. I am sure that you are a great dad!

Logan

_________________________
"Terrible thing to live in Fear"-Shawshank Redemption
WOR Alumnus Hope Springs 2009
"Quite a thing to live in fear, this is what is means to be a slave"
-Blade Runner

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#281072 - 03/27/09 06:29 PM Re: WHO recovers? [Re: Logan]
sojourn111 Offline


Registered: 05/09/08
Posts: 86
Loc: midwest
Rob,
I have 3 boys 12,10 and 7. I applaud your handling of the situation. If we didn't have the past influencing our view maybe we could handle that situation a bit more like margaret thatcher negotiating a peace treaty BUT we know how the real world is. Bravo that you didn't cross a line. You probably have some, some opportunity to impact those homes. I have found more often than not that parents are seldom actively parenting and molding their kids. Otherwise bullying doesn't happen. My wife teaches and works in education and we run kids programs for community and church. We see the worst and it is overpowering the best in our society. We need to be aggressive and loving as we push back the failing boundaries of our social values.
When I was 14 I was assaulted and bulied. Nothing was done to the kid, until I found him a year later. Now at 6'00" 225lbs and full of rage I destroyed him emotionally with fear right before I broke him piece by piece physically. My anger - no sense of justice, preservation or safety. You gave your kid that and he will love you and respect you and grow from what you teach into that. Would love to have a neighbor like you!


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#281079 - 03/27/09 07:13 PM Re: WHO recovers? [Re: mike5]
nathan555 Offline


Registered: 01/06/09
Posts: 230
Loc: Australia
I should be wiser than to write a short note when time pressured on such an issue with all its complexities and therefore I may edit my post later. My thoughts are:

Who recovers:

Those who want to.
Those who resolve to
Those who recognise we can't do it on our own
Those who recognise that some battles are between God and the devil and Jesus Christ has won.
Those who recognise that the appropriation of Jesus victory takes time - its not a quick fix.
The book of Exodus and Job (Old Testament) show the length and complexity of the recovery process.
The book of Romans shows redemption is not a quick fix.

Those who understand their mind, will, emotions, sexuality and body.

Those who recognise our weaknesses

Those who believe that recovery is attainable and persevere.

those who recognise that the dominant school of thought amongst psychologists , as per Ken Singer's post
is that those who told us their understanding could help us,
as it does,
do not believe the goal of sexual wholeness we seek is possable.
their unbelief, their discreditation of programmes for sexual wholeness their could well be the wall which many of us find so frustrating. I personally feel betrayed - like going to a Dentist
who doesn't believe permanent fillings are of any use
so he drills out the decay but only puts in a temporary filling
which he later replaces with another temporary filling.


Who recovers?

those who believe recovery is possible but recognise its complexities and persevere overcoming intrnal and external resistance

Nathan


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#281882 - 04/01/09 11:25 PM Re: WHO recovers? [Re: Still]
nomansanisland Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/02/09
Posts: 156
Loc: NM
wow robbie brown , you made me cry so hard. God Bless you and keep you in his arms forever. nomansanisland.

_________________________
" If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drum. Let him step to the music he hears, however measured or far away." Henry David Thoreau

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#281883 - 04/01/09 11:33 PM Re: WHO recovers? [Re: nomansanisland]
nomansanisland Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/02/09
Posts: 156
Loc: NM
the pictures of your youth , made me remember, this christmas, my abuser , pointed to a picture in our family album , and pointed out a boy that he knows ( or think he knows) i acted out with. made his discusting remark that only he and i would get...it hurt so bad, i felt my skin crawl, as those were bad times, funny thing abuser was in the photo too. how dare him... pervert was in the picture too. he knows what he did and wanted to make me out as some kind of faggot. God why? when does this end? why do the good die and the truly evil live to torture. where is my justice. ? only my shame? so wrong and so hurtful. I am still waiting for the Lord to take him in the worst way . God forgive me. nomansanisland

_________________________
" If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drum. Let him step to the music he hears, however measured or far away." Henry David Thoreau

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