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#281639 - 03/31/09 10:50 AM Re: abuse or trauma? [Re: stan12]
nathan555 Offline


Registered: 01/06/09
Posts: 230
Loc: Australia
Stan12
we like you are processing csa stuff
memories trauma betrayal

You father used you I sometimes think my father did too
mine did take me to a house where he left me all day and where I was abused = raped

It shredded my relationship with my father
who is in denial

perps weather its out father a friend of the family or a stranger are in denial usually

they don't and won't talk about it
with few exceptions

I recall as a child wishing my grandfather was dead
my father's father
I have recently wondered if he molested me
why else would I wish he were dead?

You were right

we will validate your experiences

keep talking
and sharing

its amazing how much we are able to resolve here

our walls of fear and shame can come down here in safety

Nathan


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#281642 - 03/31/09 11:00 AM Re: abuse or trauma? [Re: nathan555]
stan12 Offline


Registered: 03/31/09
Posts: 19
Thanks Nathan.

I appreciate hearing from others. I just remembered more of my experiences from what you said (even after all the years I still manage to repress some memories). My father had friends who also were pedophiles. He took me to a house whether other men "played" with me.

I remember being in a bedroom in the dark with a man and looked out into the hallway. My father was in the shadows watching. That feels so creepy and sick.

Memories like that remind me how I wasn't feeling sorrow as he died.


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#281643 - 03/31/09 11:08 AM Re: abuse or trauma? [Re: stan12]
joelRT Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 09/11/08
Posts: 1357
Loc: Québec, Canada
Stan,

Welcome to MS. I so glad for you that you found us. It took a lot of courage to make that first post and I thank you for trusting us with some of your story.

I hope that you will feel at home amongst us and that you will feel free to ask anything that you need to and to express every thing that you want to.

Go ahead when ready - we're here and we are listening.

_________________________
My Story 1
My Story 2
The longest journey we take is to self-discovery

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#281700 - 03/31/09 04:37 PM Re: abuse or trauma? [Re: joelRT]
stan12 Offline


Registered: 03/31/09
Posts: 19
Thanks Joel,

It did take courage to make the first post but the relief I got from just saying what is on my mind is worth it.

I feel so much better from posting.

I'm looking forward to help and hearing from others. Hopefully I'll be able to return the support to others at some point.

Stan


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#281708 - 03/31/09 05:41 PM Re: abuse or trauma? [Re: stan12]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 2024
Loc: durham, north england
Hello Stan, and welcome.

I'm mightily impressed how you streight out began with your story, that must've taken a lot of doing. I hope you find as much help and healing here as I have. As has been said, ddon't hesitate to post anything which is on your mind and would be helpful to you to put down here.

Danny, while I know everyone's experience and way of dealing with it is different, though structurally I could apply the same logic to mine, I'm not inclined to at all.

My experiences happened at school, and were associated with incredibly extreme forms of bullying leading to practical gang rape.

The intentions of people were involved have been one of the things I most struggled with, ---- especially as several girls actually said "do you like me?" ---- of course this was said while doing some pretty unpleasant things, ---- who's content I won't detail here.

Did any of them really like me? was the intention to hurt? or was it just a way of passing the time at school, ---- often whether I got abused or not simply depended upon how board people were.

One coping mechanism I've used is to degrade the people involved in my own perception, ----- in fact one of my strongest memories is literally screaming "those! aren't! people!"

In the end the only way I've found to cope with this dilemma, is simply not caring about their perception. Perhaps they intended to hurt, perhaps not, but why should I about them, I stil have me to fix.

Of course, my situation does differ in that my abusers were casual acquaintances and actual strangers, rather than family members or friends. care


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#281768 - 04/01/09 02:34 AM Re: abuse or trauma? [Re: stan12]
tony2c Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/22/09
Posts: 37
Loc: ny
Welcome Stan

I can relate totally to your story, my father, his friends, all violating trust, causing me to have nowhere to run, no- where to hide. For you to post your experience took heroic courage, most especially because where there should have been protection and nurturing there was betrayal and abuse.
It took me a long time to trust, and to feel safe.
I feel safe here Stan, You must take it at your own pace.
You have much to gain, but you also have much to give.

God bless you and grant you His peace,
Tony

_________________________
we are so accustomed to adopting masks before others, that we wind up being unable to recognize ourselves

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#281808 - 04/01/09 12:19 PM Re: abuse or trauma? [Re: tony2c]
stan12 Offline


Registered: 03/31/09
Posts: 19
Danny,

I was thinking about your orginal post and see that tony's comment is right at the reason you feel the trauma. He said "where there should have been protection and nurturing there was betrayal and abuse." That's so true.

Abuse from someone other than your father might feel different. However the source of the abuse for you (and me) is someone who should provide protection, safety, and security. That's what moves it towards trauma.

Stan


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#281824 - 04/01/09 02:31 PM Re: abuse or trauma? [Re: stan12]
mrd Offline


Registered: 04/01/09
Posts: 28
HELLO ALL,

AS A SURVIVOR OF CSA,I CAN SAY IT WAS ABUSE. ANYTIME ANYTHING IS USED OUTSIDE OF ITS INTENDED PURPOSE IT IS BEING ABUSED. ABUSE CAN LEAD TO MANY DIFFERENT EFFECTS, TRAUMA IS ONE. IE. IF I DRIVE MY CAR 50MPH IN A 25MPH ZONE, I'M ABUSING MY DRIVING PRIVILEGE. IF I HIT A CHILD AND MAME HIM, HE WILL AT LEAST BE TRAUMATIZED. DID I MEAN TO DO IT? NO. WAS IT ABUSE, THEN TRAUMA? YES. AS I STRIVE TO RECOVER FROM THE ABUSE DONE TO ME, I FIND GREATER STRIDES OF PROGRESS WHEN I ADMIT THE TRUTH OF WHAT HAS AND IS HAPPENING , AND NOT TRY TO COVE IT OVER BY MINIMIZING IT,WHICH ONLY GIVES ME A FALSE SENSE OF SECURITY. THAT ABUSES ME! FACING THE REALITIES OF LIFE WILL COST US TO LOSE MANY BATTLES, BUT IT IS NECESSARY TO PREPARE US AND HELP OTHERS TO WIN THE WAR!!!

MRD

_________________________
Ignorance is the most dangerous element in human society.

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#281831 - 04/01/09 03:45 PM Re: abuse or trauma? [Re: mrd]
Juni Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 12/10/08
Posts: 502
Loc: Florida, WPB
Welcome Stan and MRD,

You are among brothers who understand and care.
The road is tough but worth it.

Many of us have learned that "you can't keep what you have until you give it way."

We are here to help.

Juni

_________________________
Today I'm O.K.
One day at a time I make the journey.

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#281832 - 04/01/09 03:47 PM Re: abuse or trauma? [Re: mrd]
joelRT Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 09/11/08
Posts: 1357
Loc: Québec, Canada
Hey mrd,

Welcome to MS and thanks for the post - great input.

I hope that you too will find here amongst us everything that your personal recovery needs.

_________________________
My Story 1
My Story 2
The longest journey we take is to self-discovery

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